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Is this forever?!

StarburstStarburst Posts: 2,546
edited 30. Sep 2010, 11:12 in Living with Arthritis archive
This is mostly a rant, so I apologise in advance!

I don't know if this is forever. Am I ever going to feel less fatigued and in less pain? Don't get me wrong, I am much better than I was a year ago but I seem to have come to a stop. I can tolerate this pain and fatigue but it's seriously disrupting my life to the point where I can't decide which degree to apply for because of it. The one I want to apply for is intense and in the 2nd and 3rd years, it's 5 full days a week, not including study time. I can't manage that. The only way I can is if there is a huge improvement in my symptoms. Is that likely? Who knows?! Not me, not my rheumatologist....does anyone? So, I'm sitting here trying to decide which degree to choose and the main factor that's swaying me is my RA. If it gets worse, I'm screwed. If I gets better, than great but if it stays the same, will I be able to cope with a full time course? Do I resign myself to part time work forever in case I'm never feeling better than this? I'm already struggling at college because I'm so exhausted. I'm cutting down my work hours because I can't cope with both, so now I'm having to watch the pennies very carefully.

If I'm rational, I would say well who can predict how I'll feel in 2 years time? If I got a place, I wouldn't be starting till Sept 2011 and the first year isn't so full on. So, I have 2 years to find a miracle cure. :lol:

My mum (being the sensible person that she is..) says that maybe they haven't got my meds right. Methotrexate is helping but my rheumy wants me on 2 DMARDS. I've tried hydroxychloroquine for the 2nd time but it makes me faint. Maybe if I find another DMARD, it will be much better and my bloods, joints etc will improve.

I'm scared and everything feels overwhelming. :(:(:(:(

Comments

  • dvaidrdvaidr Posts: 25
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    It's really terrible and I feel for you. Things can get better. It might just be a case of getting you 'stabilised' on the right treatment. It can sometimes be difficult finding the right drug, though. I was on MTX for three years and on the max for about two and a half years. I had to stop taking if after that. I was feeling terrible.

    I take it affects your concentration? It does mine - I'm a Professional Engineer and I think for a living, but I make sure that I get lots of relaxation and I deliberately don't get involved in anything that might raise my blood pressure. It's difficult to do but if you consider yourself as 'a special case', (I do), and realise that it's up to you to think of your health, (nobody else will, I don't mean that in an awful way), get plenty of relaxation, you might find it helps. I find that shiatsu massage and accupunture really winds me down. Just try to slow down and always hope!

    Best of luck.
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