Feeling Guilty

woodbine
woodbine Member Posts: 140
edited 12. Oct 2010, 05:46 in Living with Arthritis archive
Hi everyone,

I've just been talking to a really good friend of mine who recently pulled a muscle in her back. She was telling me how difficult it is to turn over in bed, and how hard it is to get comfortable sometimes when sitting, and talking about finding it hard to cope with with sudden spasms of pain. I ended up feeling guilty because, although I did sympathise with her, I just kept wanting to shout 'welcome to my world - it's like that every day for me, and I won't be better in a few weeks, unlike you.'
I felt bad, partly because she does a much more physical job than me, so obviously it affects her particularly badly at work, and because she's such a good friend who's supported me at difficult times before now.

It doesn't help that my back is particularly sore today. I suppose maybe people don't realise cos if we moaned everytime we couldn't get comfortable/had a spasm, we'd never stop!

Has anyone else felt guilty like this?

Naomi

Comments

  • dippydoodah
    dippydoodah Member Posts: 350
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    yes, i do sometimes and then i hate myself for it because im not a nasty person but theres this little voice in my head thinking 'omg you're complaining about one sore knee, try having that pain multiplied throughout your entire body 24/7'

    then i feel really horrible because pain is pain, no matter how big or small or who/what it affects x
  • skezier
    skezier Member Posts: 11,333
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Naomi,

    I think its what we all do at times. Thinking it and saying it are very different so try not to feel too guilty. Cris x
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    It is difficult to keep shtum sometimes. Healthy people are soooooo boring when they injure themselves, they go and on and on as tho it is the end of the world, then lo and behold they get better and resume their insouciant wanderings about the planet. I plaster a grin on my face and say nowt. It really isn't worth it. It won't make me feel any better, it won't register with them. Mind you, a friend who was recently diagnosed with OA complained that I wasn't being supportive enough towards her. We had a very lively debate about that - and we are still friends. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • julie47
    julie47 Member Posts: 6,041
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    naomi I am glad it isn't just me.

    I have also felt like that. And yes then I have felt guilty afterwards.
    But at least we don't blurt it out so no harm done.

    Juliepf x
  • tillytop
    tillytop Member Posts: 3,460
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Naomi

    As the other peeps have said you are definitely not alone in feeling like this - and in feeling guilty about it ether. Just another of the "joys" of living with arthritis :roll:

    Love Tilly xx
  • woodbine
    woodbine Member Posts: 140
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hello,

    Thanks for all your understsanding :)

    I'm feeling les guilty now :D

    Naomi
  • clairc
    clairc Member Posts: 90
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Guilty as charged!

    During the last really bad flare I had I was telling my mum how I couldn't get out of bed in the morning without screaming in pain, how I could barely move until 90 minutes later when the pain meds had kicked in and how I'd been like it for 6 weeks and was having trouble coping and she tells me her knee has been a bit sore recently too.

    Of course I sympathise with her pain but to me it's a whole different ball park to what i'm going through. It does make me feel bitter and twisted sometimes but I try not to let it bother me too much.
  • oneday
    oneday Member Posts: 1,434
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    nope wouldnt feel guilty at all!
  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,281
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Yeah been there..got the t shirt..I always think I am being to harsh on them, and then again :roll: :)
    Barbara xx
    Love
    Barbara
  • scorpio
    scorpio Member Posts: 159
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    i am guilty too - what really annoys me is that you know people (colleagues and the like) switch off when you talk about ailments - but everytime you have a bad day they as:

    "oh, whats wrong with you?"

    you then explain the arthritis enigma....>AGAIN..............."wow, you're young to have arthritis" - i then reply "yeah, i was alot younger 10 years ago when it started at the age of 23"

    and all is forgotten until the next horrific bout

    then 1 day they come in with a crick in the neck and never shut up about it..............you would think they were dying the way a person can whinge about a neckpain...............life is fun
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    There is a fundamental flaw with healthy people: they are healthy. They lack challenges in their lives and this makes them dull company. They lack the creativity required to invent coping strategies (they have nothing with which to cope), they lack the imagination to empathise with us (for them pain goes away), they lack the guts that we have to regularly display (I know that this movement is going to hurt but I have to do it anyway) and they lack spirit, for they have nothing to challenge them. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • suzster
    suzster Member Posts: 1,328
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    me to!!
    i'm often asked why i use a walking stick, i always reply "because i have rheumatoid arthritis which makes walking painful"
    what annoys me is most people reply to that, "oh yes i have arthritis in my (delete as appropriate) leg, arm, neck ect, i know how you feel"
    i always want to shout "you don't have a clue how i feel, your pain is nothing!" obviously there pain is, erm painful! but you all know what i mean!
    sue

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