Please kick here ->

c4thyg

Morning everyone.

I'm afraid I'm in need of a good kick up the bum today. This has been a hard week physically and I'm now losing the mental battle as well. I know mind over matter is my best medication but today the mind is weak and frankly exhausted.

I went back to work 2 days this week and I don't know what to think. Nothing was put in place for me and after seeing that state of the finances there (charity funded) I don't feel that I have any right to ask for anything. Really my boss is doing me a favour by trying to help me back to work. In short, the 3 hours driving and the lack of any usable desk/PC etc seriously did me in. I've broken out in vasculitis on my hands and feet and they're burning constantly. Also my blood has stopped clotting as well (I'm covered in spontaneous bruises) so I know the stress this week has caused my immune system to go nuts again. And of course, when my blood stops clotting I can't take my beloved anti-inflammatories and end up in pain.

My daughter is turning 4 this weekend and I'm supposed to be doing a party for her on Sunday. I really want to spoil her as she's had such a rough time but I have no idea where I'm going to get the energy from. I've already let my OH down by pulling out of the last sailing trip of the season tomorrow, I can't let my little girl down as well.

I've definitely taken on more than I can handle but I can't drop the things that I want to (divorce solicitors, housework, chasing benefits, Drs appointments, etc) so I feel that the only way I can cope at the moment is to drop the things that I love. I'm letting OH down constantly, my mum seems to always have Meg as I'm so exhausted and I don't feel that I've even got chance to get back to the job I love. It's all got on top of me this week and I needed a good whinge.

Thanks for letting me rant and please give me a good kick.

frogmorton

No Kick for you from me Cathy

Sorry but I think I would feel shift too if i were you

Listen - you have to tell the boss - or you have to take your own chair in or something - whatever the seating needs sorting. It really does.

He may be doing you a favour but you are helping him too!! honest working and not complaining when he knows you are not well.

The party will be ok - your lovely Mum will help and your OH loves you to bits and understands that you can't always go sailing with him much as you would LOVE to.

You are doing well in my opinion - given the circumstances.


No kick but you can borow him to let off some steam

Love

Toni xx

hileena111

Hi
I think you really do need to talk to your boss and make him realise what you need. He may not realise.
As toni says take you own chair in or whatever

Love
Hileena

c4thyg

In the past I've always footed the bill for things I've needed in work and it's the same boss as before. The big difference now is that I don't have the money to do it and neither do they. I've just gone overdrawn to buy food for Meg's party. It really is that tight which is why I have to get back to work somehow. I'm wondering if maybe I should just lower my expectations and take a run of the mill desk job. The downside is that as a single parent I can only earn enough to keep my house if I go back into my old career. I can't afford to start over after all these years.

Rock-Cathy-Hardplace!!

valval

they will find the money if not you could sue them (we know you wont but they have to give you correct chairs desks ect) head office will have some one that can come look and make sure you have what you need it does sound thay you are rushing back.
as for party can you buy cakes ect save energy for the couple of hours they there and ask a couple of mums to stay and help some will jump at the chance good luck

angel1

It`s too soon for big decisions yet Cath. As always though, I admire your self-awareness. You don`t need me to tell you that your health has to be your number 1 priority. If work affects that too much, then everything, and everyone else - especially Meg - is affected too. Give it a little while longer, to see if things improve.

There is a charity called Turn2Us........0808 802 2000. I have no personal experience of this, but I have heard good things about them. I wondered if they might help you with what you need at work.

My love to you, and Meg........Ange.x.

airwave

Hey, hey hey, sounds as though you are beating yourself up, why? things happen and they don't always need dealing with straightaway, if at all. Allow yourself an easy time, or as the yanks say, cut yourself a deal!

Your little'un won't even stop smiling, surrounded by all the people who love her. As for work, it'll happen! Sit down for five mins with a cuppa and remember to smile at a good thought, it works wonders!

Arther could do with a good boot, not you.....

8)Its a grin, honest!

dreamdaisy

You don't need a kick, you need support. You have a great deal going on, and good for you for trying to tackle it all. I have absolutely no practical suggestions whatsoever, but I think your boss might be able to be a little more considerate and helpful, four year olds do not need everything to be perfect on their birthday, I am sure your mum realises the pressure you are under and will be more than willing to help as much as she can, and the new man could possibly be more supportive if you allow him. Don't think that admitting to your problems will jeopardise your realationship: if it does then he isn't the man for you. If he cares for you, respects you and wants to be with you then he will move heaven and earth to help. Take some time out, be kind to yourself. DD

c4thyg

Ange, thanks for that contact. I'll take a look at their website. I'm not really sure where I stand as I'm not technically employed, I have honorary status at the University so I'm not sure if I'm covered by the DDA. I've found that so far no one is willing to help with the housekeeping issues at work. Until I'm official it's hard to do it myself as I don't yet have access anywhere. Once I'm in the system I'll have to go to OH for advice.

The grant application I'm writing does however cover an assistant to work with me (if justified which shouldn't be a problem). I have to convince my boss that by helping me initially, I'm hoping to bring more money into the lab through grant writing. He's a very impatient person who wants everything yesterday and this makes him difficult to deal with. At least I know him well enough to know what to expect!

c4thyg

DD, I think you're exactly right about my OH. It's not him who's the problem, it's me admitting that I need help. I guess I just don't understand why he sticks around (we've only been dating for 5 months) given all my baggage. I don't want to be the one asking all the time. I've fallen hard and it scares me. Arthur is definitely the unwelcome partner in my relationships!! It's a shame I can't divorce him as well!

c4thyg

airwave wrote:

Hey, hey hey, sounds as though you are beating yourself up, why? things happen and they don't always need dealing with straightaway, if at all. Allow yourself an easy time, or as the yanks say, cut yourself a deal!

Your little'un won't even stop smiling, surrounded by all the people who love her. As for work, it'll happen! Sit down for five mins with a cuppa and remember to smile at a good thought, it works wonders!

Arther could do with a good boot, not you.....

8)Its a grin, honest!

The kettle is on and I'm taking those 5 minutes.

Thanks everyone for listening. I feel better for getting it off my chest.

dreamdaisy

Coming to terms with arthritis is no easy feat. It is a hard disease to control, a hard disease to understand and a hard disease to accept. I thought for many years that it had changed me: it hasn't. I am still the same person I was before it started, the only (only!) difference now is that I live my life very, very differently to the pre-arthritic DD. The essential DD is still intact.

It all kicked off with me three months before our marriage, but we had nine good years behind us already. Our relationship was well-established, and Mr DD has observed the decline and fall of his missus with a mixture of care, concern, support, frustration and helplessness. Not that we talk about it much - he lives on Planet Bloke, a strange place with a very rarified atmosphere! We have only ever had one real heart-to-heart about it, a few years ago, and that was enough. I explained my thoughts and feelings and that gave him a real insight into what it is like. After (when I untied him from the banisters and made him a cup of tea as a reward for listening to girly mushy stuff) he admitted that I had done a good thing. He had a far better understanding of it all, and he felt more useful (he thought he wasn't, which absolutely staggered me) as a result.


Talk to him. If you are still at that wonderful stage where being tied to the banisters presssages more exciting things, talk first then proceed! Don't exclude him. It isn't worth the risk. If you do not trust him, well, that could put the kybosh on it. And we don't want that. DD

tkachev

Hi Cathy,

It is my daughters birthday this weekend too and I wont be able to do anything special for her either. But just give her lots of cuddles and fuss and being there with a smile and a story will make her happy!
Honest......Everyhting you are doing is to make her life better. You are doing so well, dont knock it.

Elizabeth

madwestie

Cathy, have you tried access to work it is a government scheme, which is also for people already in work (in have been in the same company for 27 years) they help with all sorts of things like chairs and keyboards etc they can even help with bigger items and they pay for some of the cost it depends on how many employees your employer has as to how much they will fund (the employer has to pay the first so much) but it may help you to talk to them and see what they can do to help you.
I hope it all works out for you and wish your daughter a lovely birthday on Sunday
Tracey

barbara12

Hi Cathy
Please try and not beat yourself up, you are doing a great job, I hope that work will listen to you, even if money there is tight, by giving you what is needed means they keep you.
Has for Megs party, when I do parties for my Grandchildren , I buy has much ready made stuff that I can.
I wish I could be more help, just keep having a rant to us lot, it will ease the stress for you.
Sending loads of hugs (((((()))))
Barbara xx

alarkra

Toni, I lubs this dude! He is totally awesome! Describes my mood over past week! Together, he and I will give Cathy a friendly kick... *big hugs*.

c4thyg

madwestie wrote:

Cathy, have you tried access to work it is a government scheme, which is also for people already in work (in have been in the same company for 27 years) they help with all sorts of things like chairs and keyboards etc they can even help with bigger items and they pay for some of the cost it depends on how many employees your employer has as to how much they will fund (the employer has to pay the first so much) but it may help you to talk to them and see what they can do to help you.
I hope it all works out for you and wish your daughter a lovely birthday on Sunday
Tracey

I read somewhere on the working matters section about access to work. My big question/concern is that I'm not actually employed (or paid) so would I be covered. Does anyone know?

c4thyg

tkachev wrote:

Hi Cathy,

It is my daughters birthday this weekend too and I wont be able to do anything special for her either. But just give her lots of cuddles and fuss and being there with a smile and a story will make her happy!
Honest......Everyhting you are doing is to make her life better. You are doing so well, dont knock it.

Elizabeth

I hope your daughter has a wonderful day. xx

skezier

Hi Cathy,

With all that going on its no wonder your feeling as you are just now. I can't kick you though cus I think you just need a bit of a rest up so your mind can regroup its self.

Its never easy to go through the divorce thing and its harder when your health isn't up to par and well I don't know the answers except think you could talk to your new boss just to see if anything could be made a bit easier for you and just leave you a ((( ))). Cris x

Hi Elizabeth as well as Cathy,

They will enjoy their birthdays regardless and sending them both a big Happy Returns. xx

ironic

Hello Cath,
First of all you must feel very frustrated after all your plans have taken such a knock. On the practical side if you could do your two days spread over the week it might give you a bit of recovering time. Three hour drive is far too much on top of everything else. You have been given some great advice re the options of getting things for work so I hope you find some way of getting some help.
Sunday’s birthday party could be a treat out with her mum and grandmother. The weather is going to be with you so perhaps a trip to the main park with all the swings etc. Plus maybe a treat in the local cafe? If that is not feasible then kids love a few balloons, snacks and a well disguised swissroll with smarty’s or buttons. A big Happy Birthday to Meg on Sunday.
Kath you must let everyone that can give you the help and support you need right now. Give yourself some time to think things through.
Loads of hugs to you all,

tkachev

c4thyg wrote:

tkachev wrote:

Hi Cathy,

It is my daughters birthday this weekend too and I wont be able to do anything special for her either. But just give her lots of cuddles and fuss and being there with a smile and a story will make her happy!
Honest......Everyhting you are doing is to make her life better. You are doing so well, dont knock it.

Elizabeth

I hope your daughter has a wonderful day. xx

And your daughter too. i havent yet bought her any presents, partly because she has been unwell too and I can only manage short trips out.
I have refrained from booking the party this year so far and previous years have been such an expense and effort.
Thankyou Cris too....

Elizabeth

janie68

Cathy

Please give your self time to adjust, working 2 days one after the other along with a 3 hour drive must be very very tiring and painful. Can you change the days so you get a rest in between days? I have just gone back to work myself and feel like you, it's hard too hard, I feel I can't manage it (3 days a week) with RA as well. The pain is terrible and I've got to juggle other things too but then I've got bills to pay and going onto benefits is daunting. If I do that then you are vulnerable aren't you?

Access to work is a good idea, I have got aids from them which help.
Your daughter will still love you whatever, get as much help as possible to help on the day. Start preparing tomorrow so that everything isn't done on the day. You relatives/friends could start things off such as food, party bags

Oh and you don't deserve a kick, you deserve a medal!

Janie xx

c4thyg

janie68 wrote:

Oh and you don't deserve a kick, you deserve a medal!

Janie xx

Thank you Janie, you nearly brought tears to my eyes.

I have wondered about splitting the working days but in a lab it doesn't make things any easier. I usually prepare what I need the day before I do any experiments so I need 2 days together really.

I think the main thing that's doing me in is the long drive so I'm going to look into a new back support for the car. My old one is very worn and doesn't really help any more. Arthur in my spine is the biggest problem with driving so hopefully a support will help.

This week the plan is to go in on Tuesday and work from home on Weds. The following week is half term so the traffic will be better. I'm hoping that by then I'll be more used to it and manage better.

lupin15

Hi i am so sorry you are having such a rough time at the moment it is sods law that everything happens at once.
As for your daughters party...she loves you for who you are and not want she will get for her birthday or how big the party is. Hugs, love and you being there are really all she needs which i am sure she gets. As for party ideas which cost no money inside teddy bears picnic. Phone her friend parents and get them to bring a teddy with them and ask if they mind bringing some party food. Crisps home made cakes and sannies could be made by inlaws and your mum. I am sure she will have a fab time. You could also make a tent...sheets over the furtinure the kids love it...camping inside.

c4thyg

lupin15 wrote:

Hi i am so sorry you are having such a rough time at the moment it is sods law that everything happens at once.
As for your daughters party...she loves you for who you are and not want she will get for her birthday or how big the party is. Hugs, love and you being there are really all she needs which i am sure she gets. As for party ideas which cost no money inside teddy bears picnic. Phone her friend parents and get them to bring a teddy with them and ask if they mind bringing some party food. Crisps home made cakes and sannies could be made by inlaws and your mum. I am sure she will have a fab time. You could also make a tent...sheets over the furtinure the kids love it...camping inside.

My mother is doing half the food for me and I've roped my OH into blowing up balloons etc. I'm keeping it small this year, my family, OH's parents and a friend and her girls who we see a lot.

Meg has just left to go to her Dad for the day. He's having a party for her as well. (I haven't spoken to my ex-laws for 2 years!) She's going to be a spoilt lil girl this year.

I've just made the jelly for tomorrow! :P I hope it sets this time! :roll:

lupin15

Have a great day...Both you and your daughter and it will get better it is just a bloody awful bad patch.
Hugs XXXXXXX