New and a bit upset

hope80

Hi all
Am new to this forum and posting in the hope that someone might be able to help as I about at the end of my tether.

My partner has osteoarthritis in his facet joint which was discovered approx 2 years ago and is gradually getting worse. He has painkillers and exercises as much as possible and although I know the prob won't just go away, I had hoped it would help a bit more than it has.

We are due to get married a month today and we both would like a child. He has a child from a previous relationship however has always said he would like another. I have fertility problems which have been addressed, however we can't have sex as it causes my partner too much pain. So....next question is what can we do about it? Dr / Hospital on his part very unhelpful, however I don't know if we would be eligible for assisted conception due his back problems on their own. I dont know anything anymore really and it's starting to get me very very down.

THanks in advance for any advice you may have.

c4thyg

First, welcome to the forum and congrats on your engagement.

This is always a tough subject but actually one that rheumys (in my experience) do take seriously. There are 2 issues here, how can you be intimate and how to conceive. Your rheumy nurse might be a good one to talk to for advice about positions etc and tricks that might help ease your partners pain. I've had to try things and see what works for me. Of course it will be different for everyone as there are different joints that play up and different types of pain. I use extra pillows to support myself when needed and some times I simply accept that rest is better that day. I know it's not the advice you were looking for but a chat with your partner's nurse or GP would be a good starting point.

As for the issue of conceiving, you might be worrying about nothing. If it really is a problem then again a referral from your GP would be possible. Everyone can ask for specialist advice. I don't know if you would be covered on the NHS though. My advice would be to stop worrying about conception for now. Enjoy your wedding and honeymoon and see how inventive you can be in the bedroom. You might solve both issues in one go.

Congratulations once again.
Cath xx

whalewatcher

Hi
Welcome to the forum. We are a supportive bunch & are here to help each other through the ups & downs of arthritis.
I'm sorry your health professionals haven't been helpful because your problem is not that unusual & help is out there. It might be a good idea to contact the Helplines Team - number at the top of the page - & you can ask to speak to a female if that feels more comfortable.
They will understand & give you the time you need to talk about all this. They can also send or direct you to good practical information.
If you don't want to talk you can contact them via the 'Chat to Helplines' site here or send them a private email & get a private reply.
Keep in touch.
Val

barbara12

Hi Hope
I just want to say a very warm welcome to the forum, the people on here are so supportive.
There is help out there, you phone the helpline, I an sure they will have pamphlets on this subject, or try the library.
Good Luck
Sending you lots of hugs (((((()))))
Love Barbara x

skezier

Hi Hope,

Oh love that name

I am sorry to read your post and so agree with Val the helplines are so good idea for you to call if you can. Its sometimes necessary to just be able to talk and with them you can. They are so good at both understanding and just listening. Added bonus is that they also really know what they are talking about.

Its all difficult in the beginning. I know its effecting both of you and it brings all these feelings of being useless, not able to live your life an stuck with it all. It really can test out a relationship to the hilt but maybe things are get aroundable.

I think you would benefit so much from talking to the help lines flower and nice to meet you. Cris x

frogmorton

Hi Hope

welcome to the forums form me too

Difficult one this one....I have had back surgery but get where he is coming form all too well....

Serioulsy i suggest you start with your GP - you ahve to start somewhere and if it were concerning IVF he/she is the first port of call anyrate.

I really hope you two will be very happy and can have a family together.

Love

Toni xx

angel1

I think you were being a bit economical with the truth there Hope, when you said you were "a bit upset". You actually sound very upset, and understandably so.

There is lots of help out there for you, so please don`t despair.

A great place to start would be Relate. They have ongoing sex therapy, covering just about any and every problem. Once you have had an initial session with them, they will work with you themselves, or point you in the direction of those who can.

I wish you all the luck in the world, with your desire for a child. Never lose sight of your dreams.........Ange.x

Rainbow77

Hi Hope

Welcome to the forum. You have already got some really good advice here. I know that AC do have a leaflet about Sex, so if you ring the helpline they will send you a pack of info.

Cannot really add any more to what others have said.

xx