New and upset

hope80 Member Posts: 4
Hi there
Posted elsewhere but was advised to repost here, hope someone can help!

My partner has osteoarthritis in his facet joint which was discovered approx 2 years ago and is gradually getting worse. He has painkillers and exercises as much as possible and although I know the prob won't just go away, I had hoped it would help a bit more than it has.

We are due to get married a month today and we both would like a child. He has a child from a previous relationship however has always said he would like another. I have fertility problems which have been addressed, however we can't have sex as it causes my partner too much pain. question is what can we do about it? Dr / Hospital on his part very unhelpful, however I don't know if we would be eligible for assisted conception due his back problems on their own. I dont know anything anymore really and it's starting to get me very very down.

THanks in advance for any advice.


  • suzster
    suzster Member Posts: 1,328
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    i can't help you but hopefully some one can.
    i just didn't want to ignore you!
    it must be really hard and obviously the dr hasn't helped at all. is it possible for him to see another dr or ask for a referal to see a specialist? sorry i'm not sure who he'd need to see but i'm sure some one will able to.
  • helpline_team
    helpline_team Posts: 3,027
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Dear Hope,

    I'm sorry for the delay in responding to your enquiry and hope we can welcome you to the chat to helplines belatedly.

    Sometimes a back or arthritis problem can really interfere with people's sexual lives in a more complicated way than just the mechanics of how to have sex. Wanting to conceive is known to be a stressful time for many couples, not just those where there are health concerns.

    If the key problem is pain and sexual positions then reading up on the subject and trying to take pressure off a very sore back may be do able. You are welcome to ring us and talk over this if you want, or see our booklet 'relationships, intimacy and arthritis'

    We have a lot of good information on managing back problems and a key question is whether he's getting support from an orthopaedic back specialist yet?

    However if his situation is really difficult at the moment, then feeling sexual may have to return as he begins to feel better within himself. He is wecome to ring us at the helpline if he'd like to talk, or you both might find some support as a couple useful. Organisations like Relate are very well thought of.

    I hope that is helpful