Re:Don't painc

mellman01

Ye gods just when I thought it was safe to surf the web and now were told we are under great threat from cyber terrorism!, by heck if it's not "global warming" it's "global cooling", well that and death by asteroid impact or ozone holes burning our eye's out with to much UV, then there's the bird flu and piggy flu stalking us.
And what about the seas being fished clean or nuclear war, Iran is arming itself up and don't even mention the threat of a killer tsunami.
Nope I'm going to eat only from tins from now on and use whale fat candles for heat and light, I'm not letting them make me paranoid no sir!.
Hey wait a minute what about super massive gamma ray bursts from space, they are strong enough to burn your skin of even if your hiding under your kitchen table!. Hmmm I wonder if a tin foil hat would help there?.

barbara12

oh Mell I really needed that laugh....the thought of you under the table with your tin foil hat..

annie_mial

Yes, but does it work?. Er.......what about the secret delta rays being emitted by my TV screen? I've only got one of those paper boilers suits to wear........

Annie

mellman01

I'm serious Barbara honest I've seen the film signs with Mell Gibson in it!, and Annie what the hell do you mean secret delta rays coming from me TV?, no one mentioned them before!, that said I bet if you can put several people or a dense object between you and them things will be OK, so now I'm sitting here covered in tin foil and I've velcroe'd both me dogs to either side of me head that should help, well except Ozzy keeps blowing off and I don't feel to well now, maybe it's the rays!?.
Oh what to do what to do!!. :shock:

valval

can you smell cooking mel are you sitting to close to the fire in your foil lol

mellman01

No Val no fire on can't allow "them" to locate me, this lap top isn't on the mains, I've rigged a big hamster style wheel up to a dynamo and the cat is now employed in making power, all you need to do is put tiddles in a fixed harness then put some extra strong chilli on his nipsey and he runs like the clappers for a good 20 minutes!, clever eh!?.

valval

mellman01 wrote:

No Val no fire on can't allow "them" to locate me, this lap top isn't on the mains, I've rigged a big hamster style wheel up to a dynamo and the cat is now employed in making power, all you need to do is put tiddles in a fixed harness then put some extra strong chilli on his nipsey and he runs like the clappers for a good 20 minutes!, clever eh!?.

so you have about ten min left to talk to us before all goes dark???????? better get it all in quick

mellman01

Cat's had it Val I'm now using Ozzy and he don't look to happy especially when I got the chilli out!, what worries me more though is the rays getting in since he's not shielding my head anymore.

valval

mellman01 wrote:

Cat's had it Val I'm now using Ozzy and he don't look to happy especially when I got the chilli out!, what worries me more though is the rays getting in since he's not shielding my head anymore.

do not worry they only go for large brains so dog will get it first lol

barbara12

nipsey...I love it

trisher

Mell

Just do what we do. Put on you helmet and your baseball bat that might help.

Welll if you see your tins have been got at you can swing your bat and send them back :shock:

Trish :shock:

valval

trisher wrote:

Mell

Just do what we do. Put on you helmet and your baseball bat that might help.

Welll if you see your tins have been got at you can swing your bat and send them back :shock:

Trish :shock:

mell and a base ball bat???????????????? help

annie_mial

Oh dear, best laugh I've had all day since we tried to put together a simple flat-pack trolley this morning.

I now have the most amazing pic of Mell in my head......never mind the delta rays, Mell..........they've started using P-argeb rays since I sussed 'em out!

Annie

annie_mial

Yeah, I see........just life in general. Oh, think you forgot Foot and Mouth and BSE! Not to mention the CJD - and probably ABC to boot.

Annie

mellman01

And now we aren't going to have any aircraft carriers or Harrier jets for a few years, talk about advertising to the Argentinians that the Falklands are back on the agenda if they feel like having a go, ye gods this country is mad, what's the betting the Hermes will be sold off to Pakistan or India at a bargain price as scrap and then will be put straight into service no problems yet we went ahead and binned it.
And if we need to as Cameron says and I quote, "we need carriers so we can still project our nations power and values around the globe" then why is this crazy situation being allowed, better to get the new one's up and running first, and for God's sake don't flippin well advertise the fact that our pants will be down for years.
If this is the way a nation goes about it's defence then we deserve all we will undoubtedly get.
Mind you using logic is totally pointless these days, I could elaborate but what's the point, it doesn't take the IQ of Einstein to figure out those in charge are totally off their heads and are only interested in filling their's and their mates pockets with our silver now does it. BANG!!!, bugger there goes me spleen again!.

valval

rehab44 wrote:

Good one mell
I have just been totting up all the things I have survived
WW2
The Cold War
Nuclear Armeggedon
Nuclear Winter
Global Warming
Global Cooling
Various Pandemics
including swine flu, bird flu, giraffe flu, cat flu
The Black Death
Ebola
Alien Invasion
Meteor/Asteroid/Comet Strike
The destruction of the Ozone layer
Super Volcanoes/Typhoons
Rising Sea Levels
HIV/Aids Epidemic
Piles
Man flu
Governments of various flavours

there must be more?..............

knowing me