Laws of Life

joanlawson
joanlawson Member Posts: 10,319
edited 26. Oct 2010, 20:28 in Community Chit-chat archive
Laws of Life

1. Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

2. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal & someone always answers.

3.Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

4. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

5. Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

6. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

7. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

8.. Law of the Theatre & Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet & who leave early before the end of the performance. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies & stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

9. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

10. Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

11. Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

12. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.

13. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, someone will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

14.Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of a piece of buttered toast landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness & cost of the carpet or rug.

15.Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
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Comments

  • mellman01
    mellman01 Member Posts: 5,303
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    HA HA very good Joan sums it up perfectly!. I was in the MRI machine yesterday and as soon as the thing started up me nose itched like a bugger and then me left eye started to really water it was doing my head in but I wasn't allowed to move for 25 flippin minutes I was going nuts!, I mean why does it always happen that way really annoying!.
  • cthornley
    cthornley Member Posts: 627
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thornley household laws

    Law of cold food: if the phone rings as you are sitting down for dinner it will always be my MIL
    Law of inconvenience: as soon as you are doing something that requires no interruptions the phone will ring and it will be my mother
    Law of inconvenience II : as soon as you sit down to watch something good on the telly, the phone will ring and it will be my mother ringing for a ‘brief chat’ the chat will last exactly the length of the TV programme minus 1minute so you get to watch the credits uninterrupted
    Law of the Tescos man: if we’ve run out of all food he will turn up at the very end of the allocated time slot so that we are climbing the walls with hunger, otherwise he will turn up within minutes of the start of the slot
    Law of the Tescos man II: if you order for delivery on a Wednesday no matter what you order half the order will be substituted with completely random items not related to what you ordered in the first place
    :roll:
    Chrissie
  • joanlawson
    joanlawson Member Posts: 10,319
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I like your household laws, Chrissie. Very funny :!: :D:D
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  • tjt6768
    tjt6768 Member Posts: 12,170
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Law of teenagers:
    1: Scruffy tracksuits with stripes down the legs must be worn at all times, it's optional to tuck the legs into your socks, but would advise it for fear of looking 'stupid'.
    2: You must hang about outside the local shop and 'gob' on the floor on a regular basis, while chewing gum and smoking.
    3: You have to talk in a strange 'gangsta boy' accent that is really not local to anyone... (they do all sound the same all around the country don't they? How did that happen? In my day we had proper accents, and didn't want to sound like someone from somehwere else!)
    4: Alcohol must be drunk all the time, also you MUST smoke cananbis or you will be kicked out of the gang.. (by gang I assume they mean them few spotty kids who think they're cool, and the one kid who has a scooter.., and that one girl who'll sleep with any of them for a ****??!)
    5: Everything you have to say MUST be shouted and every sentence MUST contain the word 'innit' at least 10 times and also be 75% swear-words.
    6: When you think something is good you have to scream, jump and carry on like you've just won the lottery, even if it's just your poxy mate's crappy tattoo of his birds name on his **** cheek that his 'homie' did for him with a pen-knife and a biro..
    7: When crossing a road, you have to take as long as humanly possible, especially of there is a car coming, in fact, then you have to cross at the longest possible diagonal.. If you are a chav bird with a baby in a pram (or one of those supped up push chairs that they all seem to have these days even though they're a fortune and they all claim to be skint) you must ALWAYS push the pram into the road first, and ALL teenagers must cross the road no less/more than 10 feet from a crossing.
    8) The word 'like' must be 'like' used as often as possible 'like'..


    Jeez, no wonder teenagers think they have it hard after looking at those rules, LOL

    Enjoy a giggle

    Tony
    e050.gifMe-Tony
    n035.gifRa-1996 -2013 RIP...
    k040.gif
    Cleo - 1996 to 2011. RIP
  • joanlawson
    joanlawson Member Posts: 10,319
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Jeez, no wonder teenagers think they have it hard after looking at those rules,

    Yes but no but..............................Oh, whatever :!: :lol::lol:
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  • tjt6768
    tjt6768 Member Posts: 12,170
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    joanlawson wrote:
    Jeez, no wonder teenagers think they have it hard after looking at those rules,

    Yes but no but..............................Oh, whatever :!: :lol::lol:

    Haha, about right eh??

    Tony
    e050.gifMe-Tony
    n035.gifRa-1996 -2013 RIP...
    k040.gif
    Cleo - 1996 to 2011. RIP
  • joanlawson
    joanlawson Member Posts: 10,319
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Some laws for life in the UK which you might not be aware of:

    * It is legal for an Englishman to kill a Welshman on the walls of Chester, at 2am, with a bow and arrow! ( Rehab be warned!!)

    * It is an act of treason to place a postage stamp bearing the monarch’s head upside down on an envelope.

    * It is illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament!

    * In Liverpool, it is illegal for a woman to be topless except as a clerk in a tropical fish store

    * In Scotland, if someone knocks on your door and requires the use of your toilet, you must let them enter

    * In the UK a pregnant woman can legally relieve herself anywhere she wants, including in a policeman’s helmet

    * It is illegal to enter the Houses of Parliament in a suit of armour

    * A bed may not be hung out of a window.

    * The Library Offences Act of 1898 makes it illegal to gamble in a library.

    * It is illegal for cab drivers to carry rabid dogs or corpses and by law they must ask all passengers if they have small pox or the plague

    * It is illegal for a student to walk through Trinity College without a sword.
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