Very down at the moment

queenfan

I could feel it coming on this last few days, Still suffering with this prolapsed disc, I have a lot of pain at the moment, but trying to keep a smile on my face, but yesterday it seem to come to a head, my Daughter washed my hair & helped me to shower, Then we were talking about going away for Christmas to spend time with my Sister,When I just broke down sobbing, I haven't been sleeping well for ages, I am on morphine patches & taking tramadol, I have told my doctor that the patches are making me itch all over, But I can cope with that, so she gave me some antihistamine tablets to take with each patch I put on, I don't want to come off the patches because they are helping me, But with the itching & one minute I am ringing with sweat, then the next I am freezing through the night plus suffering with the rest of my conditions it's just knocked me down, I hate not being able to do simple things even personal things like when I've been to the loo,I am now high on my meds which is relieving the pain, But it is killing me knowing I am doing little in the house,I hate it when hubbys been out working all day, to come home to see I've done nothing.
He just says I would sooner see you resting getting yourself better than see you in so much pain, But I feel thats all I am doing just being lazy.to be honest getting to this state I only have myself to blame because I tried to cut down on meds to see if I could get some simple things done around the house,But it back fired because I couldn't do anything anyway,
Now I have got to build them back up. I know I am stupid :roll:
I just dont want to spoil my families holiday, Because my husband works all summer with his Job, so thats why we go at Christmas to relax & spend time with my sister.
Sorry for going on, & thank you all for listening to me :roll:
Take care Sue xx

mrbear

Hay Sue! I'm new here and just starting on my journey. You have been through a lot but it sounds like you have some wonderful people around you. I guess they would not be there if you did not deserve them. I don't think you're stupid at all. Things are very tough for you right now and dealing with that is hard, feeling that you're spending the goodwill of others is just as hard.

In amongst all of this don't lose focus on the important things, those around you who, I am sure, love you dearly.

Hope you start to feel a little better soon.

Ian

dreamdaisy

You have been struggling for so long now, queenfan, I am so sorry. You are not being lazy, you are not shirking, you are not deliberately avoiding doing things, you are a very poorly girl and getting you better has to be your priority. Mr Queenfan sounds an absolute rock and a star (but not necessarily a rockstar!), you are much loved by your family and THAT IS THE IMPORTANT THING. mrbear is absolutely right, you have the people around you that you deserve. Be kinder to yourself, please, being so hard on yourself won't help you feel any better. Thinking of you. DD

skezier

Hi Sue,

Flower I am sure he means that bit as well. I wish I could make you better and so hope that things do settle for you soon. Pain is a bad bed fellow and you get some ideas while having so much. Well I do. Doesn't mean its right and I am 100% sure they do not think of you as lazy or as spoiling their holidays. I can't really help but sending you a ((((( ))))) and a bucket of hopes. Love Cris xxx

frogmorton

Oh Sue

i am so very very sorry to see this

I have had prolapsed discs in the past - why are they not doing anything to help you appart form the pain releif? is there nothing else they can do? physio or even surgical options?

I think your husband sounds wonderful Sue and I beleive he means it when he says he just wants you better rather than making the house perfect at the expense of your health.

I wish i could help, but Sue we are all here and we do all care

Take it as steady as you can

Love

Toni xx

queenfan

Thank you Ian,DD Cris & Toni I think I was feeling a bit sorry for myself, I am lucky to have a caring family, & there are people with a lot worse illnesses That I have,
I just let it get to me,Tonight when John comes home I promise to have a happy smiley face on instead of a woe is me face I hope you all have pleasant day, And thank you all for listening to my moaning on :roll:
Take care Sue xx

frogmorton

Hi Sue

No problem ever - you do the same for us.

Just give him a hug and tell him you apprecaite him - that will be all he needs i bet.

No smiley faces needed here eh?

Love

toni xx

queenfan

Toni I am waiting to see the surgeon I don't know how long I will have to wait, one of our doctors has just had his operated on after waiting 4 months & thats private, so god knows how long, You watch them send me an appointment around Christmas, because we have booked flights earlier in the year to stay with my sister in Spain.
She's organised for me to have a mobility scooter, so I haven't got to walk anywhere. I'm so glad nobody will know me over there
Lets just hope nobody gets in my way when I drive it :oops: :oops: Take care love Sue x

frogmorton

I remember Sue

I also remember the agony myself bless you i am actually 'rocking' at the memory :?

I do think the scooter is a brilliant idea and maybe you will have to practise befoer whizzing off!!!

If they offer you an op around Christmas they can't not make you have it then. Your holiday will do you all the world of good.

Thinking of you

Love

Toni xx

dachshund

Hi Sue.
the pain gets to all of us at some time and arther stops us doing what we want to do.
you have a lovely caring husband who understands how you feel.
enjoy your holiday a mobility scoota is a helpfull thing to have i have one it gets me to places i want to go to and back.
take care. joan xx

barbara12

Hi Sue
I am so sorry you are feeling down, but please don't apologize for taking to us lot, I think in a way it make each and everyone of us feel a little better knowing we can be of some help.
Like you I rely a lot on my OH and he is self employed so I know what you mean about feeling guilty.
But he love you, and will do his best.
My housework has really gone down hill, but you know what I dont care any more, what important is your health.
I do hope you can get help with your back
Sending you some gentle hugs ((((())))
Love
Barbara x

queenfan

Thank you Joan & Barbara
Joan it is my Sisters idea about the mobility scooter,Some one she knows in Spain doesn't use hers very often, I didn't like the idea at first but how I am at the moment I know I will be in pain if I don't use it :roll:
Barbara Yes my hubby is very good I don't what I would do with out him, Like your OA he's self employed, that does come in handy for popping home when needs be
I hope you are both not having to bad a day.
Take care Love Sue xx

dorcas

Hi Sue

sorry you are going through such a painful time just now. Having a slipped disc is just so excruciatingly painful. :shock:

I had a prolapsed disc several years ago :? and had the discectomy op which worked wonders in restoring me, so I hope that you won't have to wait months before having your back operated on. Would it be worth you phoning the surgeon's secretary? perhaps you could go on the 'short notice' list?

meantime, don't be so hard on yourself. Housework? forget about it.. better a few cobwebs and dirty dishes than you making your back worse. :roll:
you have a lovely supportive OH who understands the pain you're in... so let him help you. :!:

I used a hot water bottle to dull/ block some of the pain in my back as well as the meds, and it did help a little.

This is a difficult trying time for you but ...this too will pass.
(((hugs)))
Iris xx

queenfan

Thank you Iris, they are painful arent they :roll: Like I said I tried to cut down on pain relief Yesterday it was a stupid thing to do,Because when you have your meds working you think to yourself,(sorry not you stupid me thinks) oo let me see if the pain is bearable & if I can stand it when I cut back, so I am able to get some work done instead of sitting on my **** I wont be doing that again in a hurry :roll: I also tried it because I didnt want to hold my family back because of how I am on holiday.But it's like John said I want to relax on holiday too that's what holidays are about,I have my sensible head back on now
Thank you for thinking about me Love Sue xx

dorcas

Hi Sue,

It is understandable ...sometimes we just want to be able to manage without all the pill popping and as soon as it seems the pain is a little easier, then we try to cut back on the heavy meds.... with disastrous results! :roll:

I really feel it for you Sue! prolapsed discs are so 'commanding'. I do hope that your back eases so that you can start to look forward to your holiday.

let us know, please, how you are...and if your hear about an appointment with the surgeon.

Iris xxxxx

cebeem

Best wishes Sue hope you soon get things sorted, I would keep up with the pain relief for now ...it gets you through these difficult times.....I dabbled in hospital once and it did me no favours and the staff advised against it until many days of relative ease had passed, then ease off slowly.Sounds like you are well supported that's lovely! Keep us updated!

queenfan

Aww Iris & cebeem thank you both for your lovely messages, I will keep up with the meds now Learnt my Lesson the hard way
I seemed to have posted more today than I ever have, I do read on here most days, even thou I don't always post, every one seems so caring on here don't they, I think when we are feeling like this, There is always people on here like yourselves that reach out there hands for comfort, I am usually known by my friends to be the joker, because I tend to hide how I am feeling behind a joke, I am better lifting peoples spirits & listening to how they are feeling, because knowing I am helping them make me feel better, Does that sound stupid
sorry babbling on again like do
Thank you both for your kind Words
Take care Sue xx

dorcas

It definitely doesn't sound stupid, Sue!

I think a lot of us with his chronic condition put on a brave or happy face for the world ... and yes there is much to be said for being the one that listens and who people can turn to.

but you can only 'give' if you have enough in store.... a bit like a water tank! unless it's own supply is replenished it will soon be empty !

sometimes we are the ones who need a little support from people who understand this wretched illness, with all it's twists and turns.
That's where this forum comes into it's own. with all it's wonderful caring people
sometimes we are the 'givers'; at other times we are the ones that need replenishing! I know I've benefited greatly from the kind words of folks here when I've felt overwhelmed by arther.

I hope you have a better night Sue and that the meds ease your pain.

(((hugs)))

Iris xxx

Wonkylegs

HI Sue

I really do know that feeling you describe when your hubby comes home and you feel you have done nothing all day.

Mine, like yours (aren't we both the lucky ones to have them? ) says he'd rather come home to me however I am and whatever I've not done, rather than not have me here at all. However, like you, it doesn't always help me to hear that. I'm the one stuck in this house feeling like a useless lump when I just can't seem to summon up the energy to do anything.

first things first ..... we have to look after ourselves, and that means doing what will help us to get through the day ..... and it doesn't mean it has to be the housework

so just wanted to let you know that i'm thinking of you, and that it really does help to chat things through on here.

sending you loads of wonky hugs ((((()))))

WOnky

chris7

Hi Sue

Was so so sorry to see your post but glad you did feel able to spill it all out here. I know things have been tough for a while and you really must have felt at rock bottom to post as you did. Just wanted to acknowledge your post and send hugs. ((((( ))))) It really is ok to tell it like it is and do know that people will always respond to offer sympathy when they can. It is sadly all we can do, but we do understand the bad days. I hope things start to look a little brighter soon and that you do feel able to have your Christmas with your sister and enjoy it.
Be nice to yourself, you are so worth it.
take care
Chris

julie47

Hi sue

after reading your post and comments from the people I just wanted to say I hope you feel much better today. I sound a little like yourself , that when ever i am in the company of family and friends I always wear my nice face.
My husband and daughter are very supportive and are the ones who know me best . they know the effort i put in and realize just how hard it is..There are days when i don't do a thing but then there are days I do quite a bit. We just have to be good to ourselves and listen to our bodies. It is annoying when the brain says go but the body says no.

Take care
Thinking of you
JuliePF x

dreamdaisy

Oh I like that julie47, 'the brain says go but the body says no.' That's it in a nutshell.

Morning queenfan, I hope you had some decent rest last night and are facing the day in slightly better spirits: if not, you know we are here. Thinking of you. DD

frogmorton

Hi Sue

Just checking in to see how you are doing today?

I hope you are feeling if nothing else supported by this lovely forum....nothing like it is there

As iris said (I think) you have to have enough stored to help others. I hope we have added to your inbox

Love

Toni xx

skezier

Hi Sue,

Take the tablets girl! I hope they hurry up and get you seen though and sorry I can't really read the posts here but leaving you a ((((( ))))) and a hope. Love Cris xx

ironic

Hi Sue,
You have had such a lot to put up with over the last few months. I can fully understand that you wanted to do more. Not sleeping is debilitating at the best of times so it is no wonder that things are getting you down.
The itching and sweating is awful for you. I do hope your meds are restarting to work for you.
I just wanted to tell you that I am thinking of you and I really hope you get your appointment through sooner than you think.
Lv, Ix

queenfan

Sorry everyone I havent got my laptop connected to the internet,this daughters so will go down at any time, so I will make this quick, I didnt want you all to think I don't appreciate your thoughtful messages,I have missed not being able to be on here today I have asked on chitchat to see if anyone can help
love to all Sue xx