Any lone parents out there?

c4thyg

Morning everyone.

I'm wondering if any of you are or have been lone parents while having arthur?

This week has been awful. Meg is ill, she's given it to me and it's caused a flare in all my joints on top of the infection and I've had on average 2 hours sleep a night for the last week. I am feeling so ill that I don't know where to turn now. My bf is away for the weekend and when I called my mum yesterday it turned into an argument and I was accused of being a bad mother.

Meg is crying/whinging 24-7 and I'm in tears constantly now as well. Everything I try to do for her isn't good enough and at this moment in time I'd give her away just for a nights sleep.

Sorry about the rant. I know no one can do anything but I feel better for at least saying how I feel. I've got no one to talk to who can even begin to understand how hard it is and I'm fed up of being told how crap I am. You guys are the closest thing I have.

dreamdaisy

I can't help in the slightest, it must be an awful burden when not well yourself to have a sick child too. I don't think for one moment that you are a bad mother, you are just under the cosh with it all. Is it possible to park her in front of the telly with a favourite film or somesuch? That could give you the chance to rest a bit while she is being entertained. That's the best I can come up with: sorry. :oops: DD

angel1

Every Mum - lone or otherwise - has times like these Cath. You, however, have the added problems of your own illness. It`s too much. Go back on the phone, to Dad this time, and tell him how things are for you at the moment. He will be able to smooth things over, with you and Mum. You`ve been there before, and you`ll be there again.

I wish I were closer. It would be a privilege to help you out.

One thing sweetie. I know how very hard it is, but Meg will be picking up on how you are feeling, and coming out in sympathy. Do the big cuddles, and try to hide those tears until she`s asleep.

Ask for the help you need..............Much love.......Ange.x.

speedalong

Oh yes, been there - not with a flare but with arther doing his worst, feeling ill and overwhelmed and S either being ill too or picking up my vibes and being as trying and as irritable as can be ....

My heart goes out to you.

Break the rules a little - watch a DVD with sleeping bags infront of the TV or give your little one an extra big and long soak in the bath or try some playdough or just some easy baking - a cake mix or similiar.

Anyone you can phone for a chat. If you still feel terrible tomorrow - ring the helpline folk.

SPeedy

daylily

wish I could help. I'm sure you're not a bad parent, you can't help being poorly.
Find a big snuggly blanket and the pair of you get on the couch with .
a hot chocolate and your favourite film.
Sounds like you both need cuddle time so what better than to do it together.

wishing you all the best
Take care of each other.
xxxx

c4thyg

Thanks for your support. I've just got Meg off to sleep on the sofa. She's so clingy these days. I'm just curling up next to her and have found a film to watch.

I'm feeling a bit better now that the morning stiffness has worn off and the pain killers are working. I'm afraid to go to sleep myself because I always feel worse if I'm woken up. Fingers crossed that we both sleep tonight.

dorcas

Hi Cathy,

Yep... been there too. :? as Ange said it's nothing to do with being a lone parent... it's about your own energy/ coping levels being zapped by arther and now an infection on top. :roll:

I'm glad that Meg has gone off to sleep and hope that you managed to do the same. If both of your sleep patterns are knocked off centre just now, does it really matter? sleep when you can and once the infection has burned itself out routines etc can, and will, return to normal.

Perhaps your friends will be able to help out tomorrow? and as others have said if you need support speak to the helplines... and of course us! we're here for you Cath and if it helps you to 'get it all out' then please please post.

love and get well (((hugs))) for you and Meg

Iris xxx

stlucia

I just wanted to send a really big hug! I can't help but I can feel your pain!!!! :? I hope that today has been better? xxx

coco67

c4

massive hugs to you and little one. she is picking up on your stress, kids have a great nack of being at there worst when you need ti least. im a lone parent and have been for several years now, no bf or family near by so understand fully how hard it can be.

i used to keep a packet of buscuits and those little squeazy tubes of icing in the cupboard and drag them out on a bad day, the kids would sit at the coffee table and decorate there buscuits (sp) then we used to curl up and watch telly with a blanket and the bikkis,

keep your chin up your not a bad mum, we all have days when we get over whelmed. thinking of you

coco xxx

c4thyg

Coco, that's a wonderful idea. We often make biscuits but that involves me making the dough etc first. I never thought to whisper, cheat!

Thankfully, Meg is in nursery today so I'm having a well needed rest. The hardest part is that I can't sleep. Meg has been an appalling sleeper since birth and still is. I've tried every method in the book! I'm so unused to having a good nights sleep that even when she's at her dad's, I still can't get off to sleep or stay asleep. When I do eventually manage it, arthur goes and wakes me up. I have to admit that I've cried myself to sleep several times this week. I'm just so exhausted.

At least my bf is back from his lads weekend now so I've got someone to cuddle up with. My mother still isn't speaking to me after she told me I was an awful mother. I guess it's nice that I've got the peace from her moaning. She's got severe depression and turns everything medical into a competition. I'm just sick of her. She's usually more hassle than it's worth. Shame is, she gets between me and my dad are we are very close. If it wasn't for him, I'd probably never see her as she's such a negative influence on me.

That said, I am having a better day today. I was hoping to do some pottery today (my hobby) but my hands aren't up to it so instead I've cleared out my workshop in the hope that I can do some tomorrow. Last week I also bit the bullet and hired a cleaner to help me out once a week. I can't really afford it but I need some help as the house being a state really does aggravate me and that's usually how I end up overdoing it. Now, once I'm struggling I don't feel so bad leaving it as I know it'll be done within a week and not just pile up. :roll:

barbara12

Hello Cath
I am glad you feel you can talk to us, things seems better once you get it off your chest.
You are coping well my love, and dont let anyone say any different, like Ange says single or not, we all go through these stages with our kids.
I do hope you feel much better very soon, I would love to come and give you a proper hug, will these do ((((((((((())))))))
Love
Barbara xx

tkachev

Cathy I really feel for you. Lack of sleep is a nightmare and magnifies all your problems and kids pick up on your low mood and aren't interested in your needs. Children always need their mum when they feel unwell and there have been a lot of sicknesses about which they pick up at play school, nursery and school.

I know what you mean about not being able to sleep when the children aren't around. I am the same. I think we are just used to working on auto-pilot Cathy.

I found videos/ c.d's work well. I have all the Disney ones and the children are so quiet while watching them.It sounds awful cop out but I sometimes need my sleep more than anything. Needs must I say,

Take care Cathy
Elizabeth x

frogmorton

Hi cathy

I am so sorry i missed this.

Yes I have been a single oparent of two girls aged 5 and 8 and had back surgery to boot :shock: I dont know how I did it - i think they were just nice to me!

I know we lived on micro food and am ashamed to say the eldest helped me dress and wash my hair etc.

we managed and oddly enough at the ripe old age of 8(!) that is when my eldest FINALLY decided to sleep in her own bed all night.

Little un did it from day one.

Having said that - i wonder if she knows her beloved Mum (that's YOU!) is poorly too and doenst knwo what to do so is extra clingy?

I have no words of wisdom to offer other than this time will pass and another will come along....at the mo I have now got 3 kids(one step) and a husband - two are 15 one nearly 13 all girls. Life is diferent now - not necessarily easier all the time - but ma beds is ma own!!!

You take care cathy

You are a good Mum I know because you worry and care.

Love

toni xx

c4thyg

I hit rock bottom with the sleep thing this morning and as odd as it was I had a good cry on the phone to the ex hubby! Strange how we get on better now than when we were together. The bottom line is that I have to hang on in there until Friday and he's going to take her for 2 nights for me to get some rest. I can't believe that the light at the end of the tunnel is because of him. My bf tries his best but it's still early days and Meg simply doesn't respond to him yet. That said, I think she will given a bit of time.

Toni, you've got me thinking about way Meg is clingy now. It never occurred to me that it might be her keeping an eye on me because I'm not well but that does make a lot of sense. I see it as hard work but maybe I should think of it more as her showing she cares. Thanks for that little gem.

coco67

hope your feeling better today cathy

hugs for you and little one

coco xx