some straight talking needed please!!!

psyart

Hi - need some advice or just straight talking to - DD :!:

Am in a black hole and really not sure why :oops: :?: As some of you may have read have just witnessed the birth of my 2nd granddaughter and they are living home with us - am loving having them all here and we dont here the baby cry at night so have slept really well over the last 2 nights :!:

but am feeling really down and dont know why :?: :?: :oops:
it feels like my emotions are all over the place - have not heart to do uni work - know that it is not going to take me where i thought it would as school have no more work for me after i fininsh the course i am teaching now - this also means that i am not enjoying my teaching as feel they have only asked me to come back for 4 hrs a week as there is no one else to teach it

But is it the meds that are making me feel like this :?: :?: Am on full wack of salpha now - and havnt really felt 'okish' for a few weeks now . In a previous post I did say that i cant really explain how i feel but i know its not 'me' :!:

hope this makes a bit of sense - not really sure how to explain it but sat out side just now having a crafty **** - thought need you lot to talk to me :!: :!:

am on a small dose of anti-depressants already but was thinking of going to the docs and get that put up for a while :?:

or is it because i am worried about me future - yes i know that i cant do anything about the future - but i am worried as i know that thiings are changing and it frightens me

from a - feeling sorry for herself :!: - louise xx

dreamdaisy

Right, straight talking? I'm your girl, as you well know. But first, as I am sure you remember, I have to fuel up with caffeine and a ****. I'll be back. DD (aka Arnie)

Sorry, on the phone, have thoughts tho. Will reply soon.

angel1

What you describe regarding your work is actually quite understandable Louise. It is very difficult to remain motivated with something, that is actually not going to give an end result. You will feel that you are wasting your valuable time, and causing more suffering for yourself, both physical and emotional. Is it possible to re-think your options there?

I feel that the birth of your lovely, much loved, granddaughter will have emphasised what you say you are already feeling.......namely great change. A new life does tend to make us take stock and can flag up forgotten insecurities, and fears.

I feel a chat with your GP is the next step, and a temporary increase in your AD`s would help you over this blip, and keep you from actually going head first into that black hole........Ange.x.

coco67

ange has given you some very wise words louise
and i will second them, please have a chat with your dr,
we all have times when we hit a blip and it takes courage to say you have hit it, i admire you for opening up.
little one comming along changes so many dynamic's in a family and there is a lot of build up to there arrival that it is natural to now have a little down time, dont beat your self up for feeling this way, work hasnt helpped either, i wonder if there is some where else you could teach, have you thought of helping adults learn to read and write, basic maths etc.

i hope you feel a bit better and im leaving a bucket of hugs for you xxx

dreamdaisy

I did a reply - it's disappeared! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! I will try again later. My washing machine has broken and I am very hacked off at the mo. DD

dreamdaisy

Right, try the second. I hope it's as good as the first!

I think you were present for the whole of the birth, yes? I know that birth is a natural process but it is one that is fraught with the possibility of things suddenly going horribly wrong. It is a dangerous time for both mother and child, so surely no matter how smoothly things are going there could be a nagging thought ticking away at the back of one's mind, which is unsettling. Factor into that the sheer stamina one requires as an onlooker, so to speak. You are not in the best of health to start with, and stamina is something that we all lack, even at the best of times, and let's face it, recently you have been going thro the mill somewhat. So, there you are, poorly with your arthritis and staying awake for 17 hours, I think that's the figure you mentioned. Obviously the sheer rush of joy and elation at the moment of a successful birth takes all the tiredness away - the absolute miracle of a new, tiny life is astonishing but now, a few days later, that bubble of delight has deflated somewhat, if not burst altogether. Payback has arrived.

There is a quote floating about in my mind, which I had in my first answer and now cannot remember in its entirety: something about 'an equal and opposite reaction', ie whatever joyous heights you reached, you may have to go thro the 'mirrored' lows. You must still be very, very tired, even if you are not admitting that to yourself and despite sleeping OK-ish since the birth. Any huge emotion is tiring, staying up for that length of time is exhausting, and you are not that physically strong to begin with. Arthritis doesn't only affect us physically, it affects us mentally too, it depletes our resources, it affects the quality of our lives, the quality of our relationships, the quality of both the good and bad times. This birth may also hav reminded you of your own daughter's birth, when you were young and healthy, and life was full of optimism. The contrast in your circumstances now is especially poignant. You are in a great state of flux but the babe is sorted. I think you want some of that for you - and let's face it, who wouldn't?

I know you have been strugglling with the sulph, whenever we start new drugs it is sooooo difficult to keep the hope and optimism under control, and when they don't do what is promised on the tin the deflation of hope is hard to manage. You are also struggling with your studies - again something that should be an optimistic thing but is becoming mired in guilt and difficulty: guilt because you cannot cope with them, difficulty because your health prevents you from really going for it. You are at a very uncertain stage of your life, which is hugely unsettling in itself. Mostly, however, for now I think you are tired. Very, very tired. I think you need more rest, psyart, to regain what little stamina you can muster. Once you are feeling better within yourself then the rest will begin to be sorted out. So, rest, sort out the meds, then fret about the studies. Is it possible to opt out altogether for the rest of this academic year, then pick up again? I think you need to get your health sorted first before adding to the strain with the books. Knowing that they are taking you nowhere is hardly encouraging. Perhaps it is time to re-evaluate, think about an alternative, teach in a different way or a different group. But sort your health first, as much as you can. That's a challenge in itself. Things will sort themselves in time, of that I am sure. Be kind to yourself, and rest. DD

dorcas

Hi Louise,

Such great advice already given and not much more that I can add other than to let you know that I am thinking about you. and sending you strengthening (((hugs))).

You've been on a roller coaster of high emotions and have now reached a 'blip' in your onward journey. It's right to take stock and if a change or increase in meds will help, then you go for it girl. :!:

When you think back to how things were for you a few months ago Louise, you are so much stronger and focussed than you were... and have such great insight. :!: so please don't lose sight of the positive things that you have achieved.

You will come through this Louise and we'll be with you, every step.

Iris xxxx

chris7

Hi Louise

Can't add to the good advise, though I do understand black holes and you know we will tie a strong rope to you and pull you away from it if we possibly can. You have been doing well there, but I know things have been unsettled for you with recent changes and tis so frustrating when the black dog appears without understanding why!!?
Just leaving some more hugs and courage and am strangely relieved to see these crafty smokers coming out of the closet and yes that is a confession. :?
Keep posting,
love
Chris

frogmorton

Louise

I am so sorry

listen to radio 2 jeremy vine on the play it again bit for today - bloke on talking about depression - it helped me?

Love

toni xx

Who 'gets it' and doesnt think you need a tellin off but the docs could help

mp1952

Hi Louise

You've had some great advice already, so not much more that I can add..

I think you must be absolutely shattered with everything that's been going on recently.. I think it would take anyone about a week to get over the excitement/worry/elation of being present at a birth...

If you can finish the course then you will have that qualification on your CV for ever - which would be great.

Perhaps give yourself a few more days and then if no better go and chat to your GP??

Is it worth having a review of your arthritis meds - especially if you are struggling on the max dose of supha?

Hope you are feeling a bit better soon

Marion x

psyart

Hi Marion, Chris, Toni, Iris, DD, Coco67, Ange big thank you's to all of you for the replies - xx :!:

what you all said makes sense - and I suppose I do forget how bad I have been - each day is a struggle as we all know and maybe that is why we cant remember how good or how bad we have been since having 'arthur' to keep us company :!: Does that make sense :?:

I was talking to a friend today and she has said about the same as you guys :!: I admitted to her that I am worried about my future and I dont want to be 'billy no mates' sat at home when the young family leave here :!: she feels i am dispondant about my job and uni work - as what will it give me for the future :?: I am a qualified adult teacher, so dont really need this qualification - but it would be a good achievement to complete it - hence the dilema :!:

yes i feel i do need to rest - and i have said to myself that if i still feel like this by next monday/tuesday then i will see the doctor :!:

thanks again for your advice - really appreciated and DD - glad you came back after your ****, coffee and problems with washing machine - hope this is fixed :?: and how are you doing :?:

loads ((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))) for you all and hope you are all doing okish :?: :!:

Louise xx

valval

after every high comes a low added your other worries it not supriseing that you having a blip and also arther does this from time to time keep stiff upper lip treat your self nice be kind to your self it will pass if not get help val

dreamdaisy

Morning psyart, I hope you are feelingt a little better today. Be kind to yourself, marvel at the new one, and keep warm! DD

dorcas

Hi Louise

just popping by with more strengthening (((hugs)))

chin up.x.. still thinking about you.

Iris xxxx

psyart

Hi - was feeling better this morning - even though had rough night :?: :?:
think feeling bit better as talking to you guys always helps :!: whats the saying - troubled shared is trouble halved :?: :?: .

but have been feeling bit rough this evening - so sat in bed now on laptop :!: :!:

kind words really help and good to know someone is always there :!:

thank you and hugs for everyone - DD hope you are feeling better :?: :?: - read on Cornish weather link that you spent most day in bed :?: take care my lovely :!:

spent some nanny + granddaughter time this evening - fed her but have lost the knack for winding as she was sick :!: :!:

hope everyone is wrapped up warm :!:

louise xx