Try for a baby or try for a career!?

chez86 Member Posts: 37
The age old debate: Baby or career?

My fiance and I are both 24. We live in rented property and both have full time jobs. He literally can't wait for me to have a baby, and i'd be more than happy to deliver (literally!) but I just can't decide when would be the ideal time.

On the FOR BABY side, my arthitis means I feel that I shouldn't leave it too late. I've been great since starting my meds 3 years ago, plus by the time iv been off my meds for possibly 6 months, then try, then 9 months..its the next year! My parents are pensioners and the fact that I want them to have the energy to enjoy and be active with the lil one is very important to me. And although Im in full time work, I havn't had the oportunity to get on the career ladder just yet and my degree hasn't helped me at all with the employment problem we are currently in. I live round the corner from my job and having maternity leave there would make things a lot easier.

FOR CAREER side, basically im worried that i'll never be given the chance to have a good career after having a baby. You hear of Mums only working part time or just staying at home and feeling trapped. Secondly, i've been offered an interview for a job working in the NHS, (but i would be starting on a wage lower than what i'm on now). And thirdly, we both want to get married within the next few years, is it even possible to save for a wedding as well as paying for the expense that babies bring?

I know this seems a crude way of talking about a subject that holds such responsibility, but I just wanted to make it easier to read.

Id also love to hear from other mums or mums-to-be about their opinions and experiences.

Thanks all, Cheryl x


  • Bookseverywhere
    Bookseverywhere Member Posts: 196
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Cheryl, I don't think anyone can decide for you, it is something that you and your partner have to decide on together. But it is a dilemma. You don't say what sort of job you do, but is it the sort of job that can be combined with motherhood?

    Also, it is worth remembering that whatever job you have, you will be entitled to maternity leave - some of it paid leave and that it would be against the law for any employer to discriminate you on the grounds that you were pregnant or had a baby. Also, employers are supposed to be encouraging forms of flexible working so that those with childcare responsibilities can fit their working week around the needs of their children. And much of this applies to both the mother and the father.

    Whatever you decide, I am sure it will be the right decision for the two of you.

    Best wishes,
  • maria09
    maria09 Member Posts: 1,905
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Cheryl,
    I got married at 26 & had my 1st baby at 31 followed 18months after by my second
    Only you can decide when to have a baby & your priorities do change once you have them & maybe then your view on a career change
    Many women manage both but its usually a juggling act & its not easy
    When the time is right you will know
    Good luck with your discission
  • cthornley
    cthornley Member Posts: 627
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    This is completely my opinion but based on the fact that I have been there where you are sitting probably having very similar thoughts and concerns although a bit later as my career course meant that I didn't qualify until I was 27

    To be perfectly honest there is no right time
    It'll never be convenient or the right time - the problem is as a person with RA and on meds you actually have to plan it a lot more than most so you have to think about it and make a very deliberate decision when many don't :roll:

    I did get on and decide to do it and we had a baby when I was 29, 3months off mtx 5 months trying (so i had actually been off mtx for more than 6mths by the time I actually fell pregnant)

    It is very very hard but I have gone back to work full time (when he was 7months old) in a profession where the hours are difficult, not very flexible, completely male dominated and definitely not mummy friendly - I have done this with very little support from my husband as his career commitments are even worse on the family friendly scale - he's just done a 2wk stint on 12hour night shifts

    It has been hard but we are still all here and I have a happy, healthy 2 & 1/2yr old - I'm not doing so good and it has been a strain on my health but I wouldn't swap it for the world

    In terms of my career - I got promoted whilst I was on maternity leave :shock: and I've actually done ok out of it all
    The key things for me was, I really like my career and it meant a lot to me to go back, I sorted out really great childcare (fab nursery - I personally have no problem with high quality childcare, I think it allows me to make the most of the time he is with me and is very socially adept for a 2yr old, although it is widely criticised so expect a few moments of self doubt), and although it has affected my health I have had great support from my rheumy and GP, I also signed up for a few CPD sessions specifically aimed at getting women back in the networking loop following a career break

    So I guess I have got both career and a baby - it has been the hardest thing I have ever done and I am having serious doubts about doing it again (my DH is desperate for 2), but more from a health stand point than a career one - I had a difficult pregnancy and birth, and my RA hit back with a vengeance
    Going back to work requires a lot of effort to make it work but it can work
    Sorry I don't know if that is in any way helpful
    Hope you work out what to do
  • oneday
    oneday Member Posts: 1,434
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I think the media pushes this superwoman thing at us ie. a career woman and a mother. I honestly dont think it is possible to be both.
    Youre 24 which is early as far as being high in a career and fortunately young enough your biological clock isnt ticking madly away.
    Dont rush anything with a hasty decision.
    Have you done other things in your life you want to do first ie. if you want to travel around the world do it before a baby.
    Also being a part time working mum is quite good, youre still working and being with your child so you dont miss those special events and attending navities and sports days etc.
    I also find women who dont have children havent had to think of anyone else first and can be a bit narrow minded for example in a workplace, a working mum (from my observation!) is more likely to volunteer to do things, basically because they have been a mum they arent always as selfish but someone else has come first - being a mum makes you more understanding, bit hard to find the words what i mean here...but you actually learn something from being a Mum that you can translate to being a worker especially being organised.
    You got time yet! Id say go for the job at a lower rate, work your way up and if nothing has happened on the career front by 30 start for a family. good luck

    p.s i am just editing this!!! My comments are not meant to offend anyone else if they are different than their own!
  • gemmapetken
    gemmapetken Member Posts: 263
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I am in this dilema myself. I am 30 this year and still havent qualified to become a teacher. I had sorted it out in my mind that I would try next year as I would have qualified, now they have told me it could be another 2-3 years as some one mucked up my course (not me thank god!). I dont know what to do, I think and hope they would continue to support me and get me through qualification if I were to have a baby and I could do distance study at home with a baby. But I dont know. The baby is tipping the balance at the moment and work is being left behind, but I havent decided fully!

    It is a hard choice but I know my OH and family will support us!

    Good luck

  • chez86
    chez86 Member Posts: 37
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thanks for all your replies, iv enjoyed reading each of them! Gemma, it seems as though your dilema puts mine to shame! Good luck with whatever you decide.
    I've always liked the idea of being a young mum, and the fact that I think il physically manage the RA/Baby juggling act better the younger I am is always going to make me feel less guilty with not pushing myself up the ladder! And i'd love to work part time :P

    Thanks again, im hoping to get married in 2013 so its either this year or after iv tied the knot. May have words with my rhummy!

    Chez x
  • gemmapetken
    gemmapetken Member Posts: 263
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Made my decision and came off the pill, will see what fate and nature has in store!!!
    LOL :)
  • caterina57
    caterina57 Member Posts: 1,424
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Good Luck!!!!
  • chez86
    chez86 Member Posts: 37
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Aw yay! Lol, im sad i get so excited for ppl regardin babies! Good luck! x
  • gemmapetken
    gemmapetken Member Posts: 263
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thanks! Hee Hee!!!
  • maria09
    maria09 Member Posts: 1,905
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Good luck to you both as they say keep practicing :wink:
    Maria x

Who's Online

4 Guests