Flare = bad attitude

lucysmum
lucysmum Member Posts: 24
edited 18. Jan 2011, 09:36 in My child has arthritis
This may sound starnge and i was wonering if any toher parents find this of their younger children. Lucy is 8 and been dignosed a year although she has had it much longer!! We have noticed that while she is in flare she had very bad emotional behaviour. She becomes very agressive, has an attitude and is physical. She had counselling last year as we assumed it was down to he dignosis, however we are coming to the conclusion that maybe she acts like this due to some sort of depression because of the pain and restrictions due to he flare.
Do any of you find simalar things or are me and my hubby looking at the wrong sorce of these emotional problems?? It is so hard to controll this and be angry at her for this behaviour but then show her that we understand she is sore, but she must understand she can not act like this.
Any information welcome and greatly recieved, thanks x x

Comments

  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh dear, I can so see where she is coming from. As an adult I find that when I flare I become much more short-tempered, much more agressive (it shows up most in my driving) and, basically, unpleasant. I sometimes have to exercise a huge amount of self-control/restraint, so that none of it shows. Why should I take my frustration, pain and anger out on those around me? This isn't their fault, it feels like mine, although I know that isn't true. Lucy is so young to be dealing with all of this, the coping strategies are not in place due to youth, of course she is going to strop and be angry and lash out. Everything becomes so much more exaggerated when flaring - and the mood reflects that. I honestly have no idea how you can guide her/help her through these patches but I do understand why she is reacting like this. I hope some parents spot this and can give you some ideas. DD
  • lucysmum
    lucysmum Member Posts: 24
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    dreamdaisy wrote:
    Oh dear, I can so see where she is coming from. As an adult I find that when I flare I become much more short-tempered, much more agressive (it shows up most in my driving) and, basically, unpleasant. I sometimes have to exercise a huge amount of self-control/restraint, so that none of it shows. Why should I take my frustration, pain and anger out on those around me? This isn't their fault, it feels like mine, although I know that isn't true. Lucy is so young to be dealing with all of this, the coping strategies are not in place due to youth, of course she is going to strop and be angry and lash out. Everything becomes so much more exaggerated when flaring - and the mood reflects that. I honestly have no idea how you can guide her/help her through these patches but I do understand why she is reacting like this. I hope some parents spot this and can give you some ideas. DD
    Thanks!!! I have cronic long term pain but have a very different tempriment to Lucy, I tend to go into myself, I really feel for Lucy but am find it so hard not to get angry at her plus it is npot fair on her younger brother and sister when she is lashing out at them or, from their point of view, getting away with bad behaviour that they never would!!
    Thanks so much for your imput x x I hope you feel good at the moment and you have good controll over your arther
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh, poor you, I empathise. Illness is such a difficult thing: it not only affects the one who has it, it rebounds all over the place onto other members of the family too, and it is such a difficult thing to address. Lord knows we all walk an awkward tightrope with this arthritis malarkey, but I think you parents are trying to walk more than one at the same time, which cannot be easy. Of course you are going to be angry, that's only human nature: you have your health to deal with, plus hers, plus the demands of her siblings. I wish I could be of some practical value but I fear, alas, I cannot. I am so sorry, do come and tell us all about it tho, this is a good place to vent!

    Thank you for your enquiry about my situation re the arthritis. It is not controlled as such, I don't it ever has been thanks to a very late diagnosis and too many early years (five in total) without any medical help or medication. It's too late now. Never mind, eh? It is what it is and it does what it will do. DD
  • 03darhum
    03darhum Member Posts: 72
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    hi i am 19 i know i will admite i have an attuied :smile: sometimes but i do find that when i have a flare up i am usally more angry or down even more so when it is causing me to have a bad nyts sleep, i dont know what advice i could give you cos i dont have a clue but i can say that i think you right about it cosing her to get a bit angry.

    darren
  • cathhankin
    cathhankin Member Posts: 28
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    hey guys,
    from my own persoanl experience I would say it is the flare up causing the moods. i know when i was 15 and diagnosed, being in so much pain and nothing u can do about it you get sooo frustrated with anything and everything.
    Even now at 24, my partner knows when i am having a bad day- either with fatigue or pain, i am grumpy and frustrated. there is nothing you can do about it, think it comes with the condition.
    i have been on ant- depressents for a while, as some days i do think 'why me ?' etc the usual, and feel very sorry for myself and agen frustrated. the anti depressents just take the edge off becoming soo upset about it.
    maybe as she gets older it might become more 'bearable' and better to understand, but you just don't know.

    It is hard for the parents. i used to shout at my mum when i was in pain, i'd just be on edge all the time, like a time bomb waiting to go off. other days fine. depended on the pain.
    just rememebr she isn't meaning to have such an attitude, i do think it comes with having to cope with the pain.

    Hope it elps a little x
  • littlemummy2
    littlemummy2 Member Posts: 91
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi lucys mum, I agree with you about flare=bad attitude. Phoebe is the same, one minute right as rain then suddenly turns, her moods varey, she can be agressive, weepy or just really morngy. It can be difficult to see them like that. I hope lucy is feeling better soon.

    Take care of yourself too.

    Michelle A. x
  • andylamb
    andylamb Member Posts: 41
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I totally agree with this. When P was feeling sore she was crabby and horrible. It actually got to the point where when she started an attitude I gave her paracetamol as it was such a great indicator of pain, even if she claimed she was "fine".

    Sure enough 20 minutes after the paracetamol she would be a much nicer child and ready to admit something had been hurting.

    When I told the rheumatologist of this approach she didn't bat an eyelid and just said that if we could spot P's pain from indicators other than her telling us about it we should carry on.
  • Shanedegs
    Shanedegs Member Posts: 6
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi there,

    My 8 year old is exactly the same. I did eventually put her mood and temper swings down to her JIA and now I can handle them much better.

    It's hard as sometimes you feel she could just be misbehaving or being pre teen moody and you don't want to let her get away with it by blaming her condition. She has three siblings too and they are effected not only by her moods but see her getting additional attention and treats. It's a very hard balancing act.

    We have found simply talking to her and explaining how her moods effect the family, whilst being sympathetic usually
    calms her down and snaps her out of it.

    Injection days are always her worst, not sure if you find they same.

    Can't wait for the real teen tantrums!!!

    Good Luck

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