knotty hair and medicine update.

tkachev

Lucy has been taking her medicine at school and today came home with all her knots removed that the teachers had brushed out.Although I am happy I feel so inadequate as she won't take her medicine at home( which is partly why she is so ill) and runs away when brushing her hair.
I can just see the teachers saying what a useless mother I must be.
Elizabeth

Poppyg1rl

Oh Elizabeth I really feel for you, I'm sure the teachers don't think that you are a useless Mum, they probably think you are a very brave, very caring brilliant Mum because you are.
Please don't be too hard on yourself, in my experience little ones always behave better for someone else!
Please be kind to yourself all the best Poppy X

dreamdaisy

Don't take it to heart, tkachev, she is being a child, this is what they do. They make a stand, being (mostly) blissfully unaware of the coded message an adult might read into such a thing. She could associate you with discomfort, as you do try to brush her hair and make her take medicine, but as she doesn't willingly (and sensibly) co-operate it makes it all worse for her. You have to do those things as you are her mum. How about taking it this way? 'Hair? Sorted. Meds? Sorted. The pressure's off me, for tonight at least.' Children: wonderful, exasperating, challenging and couldn't be without them. DD

barbara12

Hi Elizabeth
You are a good mum, or you wouldn't worry like you do, I told you that my granddaughter is the same when it come to brushing her hair, and pulls away when I go near it, well the other day she went to visit my neighbour, she is Indian and loves to plait hair......yes you have guest...she came back with no knots in sight and two lovely plaits...i was so embarrassed I rang her....she said dont worry about it, my little girl who is 4 wont let me near her hair ....so on it goes
Love
Barbara xx

lindalegs

Oh Elizabeth the teachers won't think that at all, they know you're a good Mum

Children, very often, do as they're asked by a stranger rather than their parents. We're the ones they push the boundaries with because they know us so well. :roll:

Be glad the knots are gone and you don't have the struggle with her, just make sure you always send her to school with a hairbrush so they keep up the good work

katknapp

Children can be so embarrassing sometimes i have often told friends katie wont eat this or wont do that, then she visits them and will do it all,just to proof me wrong!im sure the teachers know its not neglect or anything,did they know of your problem?maybe one of the teachers managed to persuade her,.... but i think as lindalegs said send a hairbrush in...oh and perhaps your washing and ironing too might as well make use of them xxxx

skezier

Hi Elizabeth,

Flower they know you have trouble and they wont think that at all! You are a good mum end of.

Lucy is just kicking back a bit that's 'all'. She doesn't know the teachers well enough to lash out at them so that might be why she takes her meds better when they tell her to.

I remember its hard being a kid on tablets.... and having time out it makes you feel a bit like the odd ball. Hang in there though cus she will work it through.

You got to stop beating your self up Elizabeth.... please. ((((( ))))) Cris xx

tkachev

Okay Cris I will try to stop beating myself up. It is just thatI have spent 2 years nursing her through all this and trying the softly softly approach, then the demanding approach and the reward approach etc. Nothing worked for me.
It started on Monday when she was almost fainting through the pain at school .They called us in but OH went to collect her and I don't know what he said but he was there for ages and I do feel he blames me. I feel he is too severe with the children and he thinks I am too soft. I have been to countless meetings with the school and they have never suggested bringing her medicine in.

I am very pleased she is drinking the movicol, she had 5 packets yesterday and 4 the day before. She got a hairbrush as a reward for the first days drinking, which they have at school so it must have been a plan concocted up by staff/OH.But I have tried and tried to get the knots out myself. I was managing to get some out at night where she didn't react but it was very slow progress.
They didn't get all the knots out after close inspection. And I washed and conditioned her hair last night, using a conditioner for frizzy hair and it is so much better although she fussed about me brushing it again.
I am hoping the movicol will start to work very soon. Her next appointment at hospital is in April far too long to wait in this much pain. I am in close contact with the GP too.
Thank you all for your lovely comments, they were all valid and lovely.
Best wishes
Elizabeth

cthornley

Thats just kids for you - its no reflection on your parenting skills and i'm sure the teachers don't see it that way.
My son is a completely different child at nursery and the 1st time they witnessed him having a tantrum with me they were truly shocked....because for them hes such a lovely well behaved child. He also acts differently with his grandparents than he does for us and for his favorite babysitter he is practically angelic.
Its a combination of different people, less pressure (at the end of the day they get to give him back so :roll: ) and being around their friends and wanting to do what they are doing (peer pressure does have its upside)
So don't beat yourself up about it just celebrate that its done and get on with the other battles of being a parent
(((())))
Chrissie

frogmorton

Elizabeth

I am glad that Lucy's hair is deknotted and she is at least taking her meds.

What I will say is if they are qualified professionals they should be well aware that kids behave better for them (usually).

You are a wonderful Mum to those kids and they know that like we do. Mum's who dont care do nothing and dont go to hell and back for their kids like you have.

Just be glad she is ok and....

there is always one 'tiny' possibility that she might stop taking it for them too at some point - let's hope not.

Best wishes and hugs

Toni xx

tkachev

Thank you Chrissie and Toni,

I am sorry but I feel really depressed about all this. I know children can be manipulative, and Lucy especially so, but I feel like I might as well step back as nothing I say or do matters.

I am waiting for the meds to work, not sure why they aren't working yet, but of course I am very happy she is taking them. I think I am more upset about the hair. They did make her cry yesterday when brushing her hair and now they are talking about plaiting it. They might as well wash and cut it too!

She does look lovely though,

Elizabeth

tkachev

Well I have just phoned the school to inform them not to plait her hair as she is getting her hair cut much shorter tonight. I had a lovely chat and they said the children do as they are told at school, no argueing back is allowed, and there are other children with similar issues and parents saying they won't do this or that but they do. I was glad to get a few things off my chest and feel better now.
Thanks for all your advice and thanks for listening.
Elizabeth

dreamdaisy

Children can be manipulative little devils - they know how to press all the right buttons at times and because you are the parent that is what she is doing. You are dealing with a great deal, tkachev, and you are also under a lot of pressure. I suspect she knows this and is creating because she can. It'll pass, these things do. I think the hair cut is a good idea - don't let her create in the hairdressers tho - be stern and strong if she starts up! DD

lindalegs

dreamdaisy wrote:

I think the hair cut is a good idea - don't let her create in the hairdressers tho - be stern and strong if she starts up! DD

That is so easily said DD :roll:

tkachev

Hi and thank you DD and legs.
It is the same hairdresser as last year(where she had to sit through a lot of pain). It is in a house over the road where she has her own little salon. Unfortunately she has just cancelled because her dad has been taken into hospital so hopefully will get it done next week.

E x

robertls

Elizabeth.......

My grandaughter Emily is 3 (and a bit).....

She will not let her mum or dad touch her hair.....

In fact she was quite proud of her 'rats nest' as daughter called it....

Last week end, when I collected 'The Underkeeper', they were 'having discussions' over what to do about her hair.......

Emily was adament that neither mummy or daddy were allowed to 'do' her hair.......

But grandad could..........'Because he was kind and gentle' (yer right).......

SO we spent 20 minutes.........and it was bad.......

Try as I may, I couldn't help but 'tug' her hair.......

She was reading Piggly Wiggly (as one does).....

It must have hurt her, but she never made a sound.......

Maybe the years of 'doing' spaniels ears helped......

When we'd finished, I said what a good girl she was......

She replied "Oh, I can be good grandad......If I choose to"...

"But I'd rather be naughty"........

Little mare is her!!!!!!!...

When we'd finished she added " But grandad, now you will always have to do my hair".........

Manipulating??????..........Oh yes........

tkachev

Kind and gentle Rob how sweet is that. That was a lovely story.


Elizabeth

robertls

tkachev wrote:

Kind and gentle Rob how sweet is that. That was a lovely story.


Elizabeth

The whole point is.......I did no more or less than mummy or daddy could have done......

Just they 'play us off' against each other.....

Daughter was upset about Emilys hair.......

Just the same as you were......

Lets hope it all gets sorted........

tkachev

Thanks your grand daughter is as single-minded as Lucy. Her hair is lovely at the moment but it was the harsh authority of school that got it sorted. Loving, kind mummy had no chance. She is under orders to keep brushing it so will see if she does.
I know OH is loving all this, showing me up to be weak and that is also my concern. As said before his parents and he blame me for not beinh strong enough, not fed her properly, fussed over her etc.

Elizabeth

robertls

I bet every parent will agree with what I'm about to say......

Our kids always seem like evil little rats at home........

But are seen as perfect angles at others houses....

And at school.......

I know I was......(well I think I was).....

Your a mother........you protect how you think is right.....

And no one.....but no one has the right to tell or infere your wrong....

lindalegs

I agree wholeheartedly with Rob.

......and also Elizabeth you must stop worrying about what other people think of your mothering skills, we are all the best mothers/fathers we know how to be. because we love our children.

dreamdaisy

Rob is spot on, as is legs. Try not to let others undermine you - they know no more or can do no better than you already know and do. DD

tkachev

Well I think I do a great job , what with arther as well,but his family seem to undermine me. It is hard when it is close family Linda and this is another opportunity to have a go,they were right, somebody else has had to sort my issues out.


Elizabeth x

lindalegs

tkachev wrote:

Well I think I do a great job , what with arther as well,but his family seem to undermine me. It is hard when it is close family Linda and this is another opportunity to have a go,they were right, somebody else has had to sort my issues out.


Elizabeth x

Good for you Elizabeth, you have to believe in yourself first. I know it's hard when it's close family but have you wondered why they undermine you, maybe they're a tad jealous of the loving relationship you have with your children.

As for someone else sorting out your issues, we all need a helping hand from time to time and this is just one thing school's done for you. Be glad it's been done and made your life a little easier, goodness knows we have enough to deal with as it is.

tkachev

Thanks Linda,

I had a lovely chat with the school (see earlier post on this thread). I never get any praise except on this forum so must come on here more often. x

I had a night out last weekend after you told me off Linda! It was great to have time for me...

Elizabeth

lindalegs

tkachev wrote:

I had a night out last weekend after you told me off Linda! It was great to have time for me...

Elizabeth

Moi ......tell you off Elizabeth .....surely not ......it was just my assertiveness being directed at you

Glad you enjoyed it you deserve the break.