Groundhog Member Posts: 3
edited 2. Feb 2011, 04:39 in Say Hello Archive
I would just like to say hello, I am trying to take care of my wife who is going through a lot of pain, She has only just been put under a Rheumotologist.
Even though she has not been diagnosed with Arthritus at the moment it is obvious by myself that she has this horrible decease, every day she seems worse and I just do not know what I can do for here, I feel useless because I cannot share her pain or do anything to help her to take the pain away.

Frustrated and worried Husband



  • tjt6768
    tjt6768 Member Posts: 12,170
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Groundhog, I am sorry to hear that your wife is suffering like that. I hope that the Rheumy's find some way to help and soon.. It can take time though as a lot of it is trial and error..
    This is a great forum for advice/knowledge and also fun..
    Questions regarding arthur are best posted on the living with section, as not many check this bit really... The chit chat is a great place to unwind etc etc.. There are so many helpful folk on here...
    I wish you both well..

    n035.gifRa-1996 -2013 RIP...
    Cleo - 1996 to 2011. RIP
  • caterina57
    caterina57 Member Posts: 1,424
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Groundhog,
    Sorry that your wife is not well, I hope that she is able to get treament or a diagnosis asap. This forum is great for obtaing advice and support from a great bunch of people who go through so much themselves.

    Welcome on board and I wish you both well

  • traluvie
    traluvie Member Posts: 2,579
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Groundhog...

    I too have not got a diagnosis and am under a rheumatologist...
    My pain doesn't seem to be easing up.. infact it's getting worse..
    We can all sympathise with how your wife is feeling but it must be really hard for you.. Be great if we could get a few more partners on here so you can all talk together...
    My partner is a great support and i can't thank him enough for all he does.. i am very lucky... I am sure your wife feels exactly the same... Aslong as you support her(but let her feel like she still has some independance) and are there for her and lover her unconditionally then you are doing a great job...(which by the sounds of things you are already)
    I hope someone comes along and can offer you some support..
    Take care and keep up the good work..

  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hello Groundhog, it's nice to meet you. Arthritis is an absolute ****, it not only affects the one who has it, it grinds away at other family members too. I am sure that you feel frustrated and helpless as there is nothing you can do to help the pain and discomfort go away. The best things my husband does for me include making me laugh (long, loud and often) and brewing endless cups of tea. I do not complain to him very often (I do that on here) but I do tell him when the pain is especially bad then he knows not to expect too much on the domestic front. We are shortly beginning our 15th year of this together, my arthritis began three months before our wedding, and he has been a wonderful support - he comes to as many of my hospital appointments as he can, he is support crew when I do my injections, and he always has a kiss for me.

    What can you do? Just be there for her. Try to understand that when she shows frustration/anger/grumpiness it is not aimed specifically at you, it's a reaction to the pain etc (well, it is in this household, I am sure it is the same in yours). I sincerely hope you can get some answers soon and that she can begin some treatment that might help to alleviate the symptoms of this foul condition. Come and talk to us, perhaps encourage her to look in as well (but without her knowing your username!), we are a friendly and knowledgeable bunch and we do understand what it is like. I wish you both well. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • katie5
    katie5 Member Posts: 242
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Groundhog

    Nice to meet you - Sorry to hear your wife is in pain. You obviously love her lots and want to help her. Just being there for her will help enormously. Lots of laughs and hugs work wonders! Whenever I'm having a really bad time me and my family plan something fun to do for when I'm feeling better - even if it's only going out for a meal or to the cinema it just helps me having something fun to focus on.

    take care

    Katie x
  • need me bed
    need me bed Member Posts: 103
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi groundhog,

    Sorry to here your wife is feeling unwell, but chin up bud i hope she gets summat sorted soon. Glad you came to join our happy little band, the support available here is invaluable. if you wanna know just ask, everyone will help as much as they can, there isn't anything that could be deemed stupid so don't wait for someone else to do the asking coz they might be waiting for someone else to ask too)

    Best thing i can say is take 1 day at a time. when i feel good i go do stuff, when i dont i stayin and chill, you just have to learn what's best for you both, it can be slow and frustrating especially if your wife has been a very independent woman like me, it annoys me sooo much i can do things that i think i should be able to do. As long as she has you she'll be fine, if she needs anything i'm sure she will ask, or learn to... i know you can't take the pain away and it hurts all of us to watch a loved one suffer and while you feel that you can't do jack, sometimes just having someone around is all the support that's needed. and don't forget to look after yourself too!!! you'll be no good looking after someone else unless you keep yourself right, dont forget you as a carer have an important role to play too. you both need to look after each other...

    anyway i've rambled enuff,

    Take care hope you get to see the Rheumy soon too.
    xxx NMB

    There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.
  • Groundhog
    Groundhog Member Posts: 3
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thankyou very much for the kind replies, I shall look on the forum and see if there is more information to read.