Cant get my head sorted.

seamonkey Member Posts: 323
Im really struggling with getting my head around the fact that ive got arthritis in the spine. Im finding every day a struggle mentally and physically and every time i think something positive is going to happen its snatched from me because of arthritis. Ive read all the booklets and found them helpful but how am i supposed to deal with it mentally? If it wasnt for kids i would go to bed and just not bother getting up. It has affected my whole life, work, family, friends, relationship with OH. Im worried sick about money as my last chance at work got snatched away on monday. I need time to work out having this but other things are cropping up probs with kids money etc that have to come first and all the time my head is spinning. My OH doesnt see why im so upset at not working now besides the fact that it will be extremely difficult for me to work again. I so want to work, ive waited so long to be able to go out to work since my eldest was born 13 years ago. Im so :cry:


  • helpline_team
    helpline_team Posts: 3,611
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi there,

    Sorry to hear that the arthur is messing with your head. You are not alone in having times like that. Just look at the postings on here to see the truth in the term 'good days and bad'.

    But you are unlikely to feel this bad permanently, so the good days can still happen. But if you are tired and at a low ebb you may need reminding of the ways that you manage bleak days.

    You may need to get out and see someone, or watch a favourate weepie and have a good boo, someone I know talks about Heinz Tomato Soup - and that's shorthand meaning looking after yourself.

    Your low thoughts may be quite destructive and the future seem may be 'cup half empty', but you don't have to let them smash up all of your hopeful thoughts.

    People with arthritis still do find jobs, but on a bad day it may seem impossible. Your head will probably get sorted more quickly if you are kind to yourself.

    take care

  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh my poor, poor seamonkey. You have only just found this out, yes? It isn't something that you come to terms with overnight, believe you me. You need some time out to work your way thro all the 'what ifs', the 'if onlys', the 'why MEs?', the 'it's so unfair' etc etc. You cannot expect those around you to understand - they won't have a clue just how final this all feels. We know, tho. Come and talk to us on LWA, 'cos we have all been there, we know what it is like, we will listen and do our very best to help and comfort. There is a life after arthritis, but finding it is not that easy, and it takes time. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • traluvie
    traluvie Member Posts: 2,579
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Seamonkey..

    You are def not on your own with how you are feeling at the moment..
    I was diagnosed with RA & OA last week.. i have had a few down days.. it is hard to get your head round..
    I have 2 children aswell and i sometimes feel guilty about the extra things they have to do to help me.. My daughter came home today(13) and wasn't happy.. i asked her whats wrong and she didn't want to talk.. her froend messaged me to tell me she was upste when i asked Tammi why she never told me(were really open with eachother normally) she said she didn't want to worry because i have enough to worry about because of my arthritis... was so hard to hold back the tears when i explained that no matter what happens in life wether i'm sad happy ill or not i will ALWAYS want to listen to what she has to say and that i am always there for her no matter what..
    My OH has had to get a part time job so he is at home more to help and i am still fighting a loosing battle with work lol...
    So i know how you feel.. it is hard but like you say.. the kids keep us going and they need us to be strong and put on our smiley face lol... they bring the positives into my life and it's them that make me smile on my bad days..
    I really hope you feel better soon.. we are all here to help eachother.. don't be afraid to rant or scream lol..
    Thinking of you
  • seamonkey
    seamonkey Member Posts: 323
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thank you all for your posts. It is so good to know your here.
    My doc has signed me off again for a month and says that i should be thinking long term about work that i wont be able to rush back into it. She also said that she didnt think all my probs were due to the arthur as she said scans didnt show up inflamation around that area. Im so totally confused. every time i go see doctors something else is threw at me and i just wish i could have a break from it all. Infact i wish we all could.
    Im very greatfull for you all taking the time to post. Thankyou
  • valval
    valval Member Posts: 14,911
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    we do understand, we have all been there the feeling that it all just to much to take in. but we are here for you what ever you need even if just to moan so you do not have to in front of children you will get through it and things will get better it will not all be smooth sailing but things will get better sending positive thoughts in your direction val
  • seamonkey
    seamonkey Member Posts: 323
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    thankyou for your post. Im needing all the positive vibes i can get right now! I understand its not going to be plain sailing and its good to know i can get my frustrations down to others who understand.
    thanks again
  • skezier
    skezier Member Posts: 11,333
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Seamonky,

    I am sorry your having such a hard time just now. Its not easy to begin with but it does honestly get easier the more you and the bones get used to each others limitations.

    Ange would say that you are grieving for the you that should be as that's what the bone thing does, it takes away a whole bit of you and your hopes of life, and flower that can take a bit of time to deal and come to terms with.

    You are still you, your expectations have to modify maybe but you are still you.

    then there is the cope thing.

    The way we cope is totally individual to us and that's something that also takes time to understand but its in you flower.

    mine is kinda scary now :wink: In my defence I did develop it as a kid but its blue and small but very strong and often angry..... its also just now tinged with rust colors and half dead on an old anchor chain so it can't escape but the thing is it can't escape so its still there having to work even if it and I are not on speaking terms as such. It can be bizarre but I use visualization so much its logical the cope became a separate thing......

    How ever battered and smashed it is it can never fail me cus we are also bound by the same anchor chain and the keys are long thrown in a lake... see how its 'made'? Took me seconds to learn it was there as a kid but I have built it more as an adult, learned to use it as a way of getting through each bit of agro and shift.

    Now I have to lean on it cus things are very rough just now but sometimes its on the chain but brilliant blue and clean and coasting with little to do.

    To help it along i really do use vast amounts of visualization and meditation. was a natural born daydreamer so found that bit easy. I also use music as distraction as well as cus i like it and am lucky cus have no near neighbours as i hit the stereo hard if needed and use the beat/bass infected stuff that vibrates all thoughts from the head if nothing else will.

    See copes are tailored to us as individuals and i really believe you will find yours and though it may well be a much saner type to the one I now have it will still do what you need it to do.

    For now sending you a bucket of positive vibes and remember that if needed there are people on the forums who have copes that they can share till yours is up and running. hell mine works ok for others its just me its finding hard to deal with just now.

    I can't help with your oh but maybe it could help if you and he sat down and talked cus its hard for someone to see someone you care about struggling and sometimes not knowing what to say/do makes you say and do the wrong thing? people i don't cope with so well but know not speaking about stuff isn't good.

    hang in there flower it is still early days for you. Cris x
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 29,657
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Seamonkey

    Bless you :sad: I totally get it. If it's any consolation I think you are actually doing pretty well. This has been a life-changing time for you.

    It isn't always easy to cope(Cris' Skezier has given her cope a battering over the years), or even count your blessings. I beleive it is ok to feel sad at times too and to greive for life 'before' arthritis.

    Talk to us - it is my opinion it is the very very best way of adjusting - we wont mind if you cry or shout or wail and if you say the same things over and over.

    You take care


    toni xx
  • seamonkey
    seamonkey Member Posts: 323
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi again,
    thanks once more for your posts i have just sat down to read them, it is so nice to know there are folks on here who can offer advice, sympathy and realise what its all like.
    Im being kinder to myself ( or trying to be) im taking one day at a time. Ive been signed off for 4 weeks so im not even looking past that just now.
    Ive been offered more evening hours when im fit to work again but im not building my hopes for this shortly.
    Im trying to do things that i enjoy each day when im well enough and my body isnt screaming too loudly.
    Today when id got my 4 kids off to school i went into town and had a brouse through the charity shops. I picked up something for each of the kids and a coat for me. I had been on the look out for several weeks. I then needed to rest and as there are no benches or seating poped into a cafe found a good deal nice coffee and a cake for £2.20.
    I shouldnt have had the cake as my weight has gone mad!!!
    Thanks again, all your thoughts are lovely to have.
    I hope everyone is having the best day possible :smile: