Today's Stock Market Report

joanlawson
joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
edited 22. Feb 2011, 17:05 in Community Chit-chat archive
Today's Stock Market Report

Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary. Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Knives were up sharply. Cows steered into a bull market. Pencils lost a few points. Hiking equipment was trailing. Elevators rose, while escalators continued a slow decline. Weights were up in heavy trading. Light switches were off. Mining equipment hit rock bottom. Nappies remain unchanged. Shipping lines stayed at an even keel. The market for raisins dried up. Coca Cola fizzled. Caterpillar stock inched up a bit. Balloon prices were inflated. Scott Tissue touched a new bottom. And batteries exploded attempting to recharge the market.

Joan :grin:
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Comments

  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,281
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh Joan you are mad but we do love you....sorry I cant think of any :roll: :smile:
    Barbara x
    Love
    Barbara
  • joanlawson
    joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I should have posted this in the Mad Hatter's Arthuristic Club, Barbara. :lol:
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  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,281
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    joanlawson wrote:
    I should have posted this in the Mad Hatter's Arthuristic Club, Barbara. :lol:
    Oh yeah ....must find the thread....I am going madder by the min... :lol::lol::lol:
    Barbara x
    Love
    Barbara
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Tool manufacturers have been both hammered and screwed whilst fish stocks have floundered. Bacon traders have been rasher than normal, dairy markets have creamed profits left, right and centre. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    The botox market hasn't moved, neither have the laxative businesses. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • lupin15
    lupin15 Member Posts: 2,182
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    You bugger nearly had a heart attack. I have a policy which has lost a lot of money. Soooooo relieved now i can laugh :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:
    Very good. :grin::grin::grin::grin::grin:
  • livinglegend
    livinglegend Member Posts: 1,425
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Further Stock Reports:

    Clocks are ticking along nicely. Computer memory has been forgotten, while keyboards are taking a pounding; central heating is still warming in the cold climate. Traffic is moving slowly while calendars and diaries will last out the year. However, rain is falling fast, rivers are taking on the flow of this. Carpets are down and ceilings are up. Percussion instruments were still making a lot of noise. Rollercoasters are also climbing up slowly but then dropping suddenly at times. Axes have been given the chop while oil is still pumping. Springs have been wound up, so will be run down. Balls have already bounced back and glass is transparent. Mail has delivered but stamps are still stuck down. Books and drawers opened well, drawers were stuck for a while, but have now closed. Caravans got together and have rallied.
    Final Report: Farm gates are still barred and doors have closed with a bang.
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  • joanlawson
    joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    DD, Joseph, and Del

    Thank you for your additions to the thread, all of which are excellent :!: :lol::lol::lol:

    Latest news from the stock exchange:

    Viagra Sales Firm while Ex-Lax Market Share Softens

    On the Playground Stock Exchange (PGSE), the price of Jelly Babies (JEB) has risen due to the drop in sales of Smarties (SMT).
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  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Armaments manufacturers have both bombed and made a killing whilst onanists ( :oops: ) are holding their own! :grin:
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thort you'd like that one!
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Soap results are slippery, brewers are drooping, sugar has stirred and curtain manufacturers have drawn to a close.
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • robertls
    robertls Member Posts: 2,304
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Go boil your head..........
    Roba045.gif
  • joanlawson
    joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Spammers are coming to the boil :!: :shock: ( aided by Rob :!: :lol::lol: )
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  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Spammers should be tinned. Not quite stock-markety tho. Hmmmm.

    Spammers are on the up in pork futures?
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • tjt6768
    tjt6768 Member Posts: 12,170
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Shares in condoms are growing and growin and the whole business is set to bounce back like a rubber erm, ball... :shock:

    :lol:
    e050.gifMe-Tony
    n035.gifRa-1996 -2013 RIP...
    k040.gif
    Cleo - 1996 to 2011. RIP

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