Today's Stock Market Report
joanlawson
Member Posts: 8,681
Today's Stock Market Report
Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary. Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Knives were up sharply. Cows steered into a bull market. Pencils lost a few points. Hiking equipment was trailing. Elevators rose, while escalators continued a slow decline. Weights were up in heavy trading. Light switches were off. Mining equipment hit rock bottom. Nappies remain unchanged. Shipping lines stayed at an even keel. The market for raisins dried up. Coca Cola fizzled. Caterpillar stock inched up a bit. Balloon prices were inflated. Scott Tissue touched a new bottom. And batteries exploded attempting to recharge the market.
Joan
Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary. Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Knives were up sharply. Cows steered into a bull market. Pencils lost a few points. Hiking equipment was trailing. Elevators rose, while escalators continued a slow decline. Weights were up in heavy trading. Light switches were off. Mining equipment hit rock bottom. Nappies remain unchanged. Shipping lines stayed at an even keel. The market for raisins dried up. Coca Cola fizzled. Caterpillar stock inched up a bit. Balloon prices were inflated. Scott Tissue touched a new bottom. And batteries exploded attempting to recharge the market.
Joan
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Comments
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Oh Joan you are mad but we do love you....sorry I cant think of any :roll:
Barbara xLove
Barbara0 -
I should have posted this in the Mad Hatter's Arthuristic Club, Barbara.0
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joanlawson wrote:I should have posted this in the Mad Hatter's Arthuristic Club, Barbara.
Barbara xLove
Barbara0 -
Tool manufacturers have been both hammered and screwed whilst fish stocks have floundered. Bacon traders have been rasher than normal, dairy markets have creamed profits left, right and centre. DDHave you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben0
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The botox market hasn't moved, neither have the laxative businesses. DDHave you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben0
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You bugger nearly had a heart attack. I have a policy which has lost a lot of money. Soooooo relieved now i can laugh
Very good.0 -
Further Stock Reports:
Clocks are ticking along nicely. Computer memory has been forgotten, while keyboards are taking a pounding; central heating is still warming in the cold climate. Traffic is moving slowly while calendars and diaries will last out the year. However, rain is falling fast, rivers are taking on the flow of this. Carpets are down and ceilings are up. Percussion instruments were still making a lot of noise. Rollercoasters are also climbing up slowly but then dropping suddenly at times. Axes have been given the chop while oil is still pumping. Springs have been wound up, so will be run down. Balls have already bounced back and glass is transparent. Mail has delivered but stamps are still stuck down. Books and drawers opened well, drawers were stuck for a while, but have now closed. Caravans got together and have rallied.
Final Report: Farm gates are still barred and doors have closed with a bang.Joseph0 -
DD, Joseph, and Del
Thank you for your additions to the thread, all of which are excellent :!:
Latest news from the stock exchange:
Viagra Sales Firm while Ex-Lax Market Share Softens
On the Playground Stock Exchange (PGSE), the price of Jelly Babies (JEB) has risen due to the drop in sales of Smarties (SMT).0 -
Armaments manufacturers have both bombed and made a killing whilst onanists ( :oops: ) are holding their own!Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben0
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Thort you'd like that one!Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben0
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Soap results are slippery, brewers are drooping, sugar has stirred and curtain manufacturers have drawn to a close.Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben0
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Go boil your head..........Rob0
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Spammers are coming to the boil :!: :shock: ( aided by Rob :!: )0
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Spammers should be tinned. Not quite stock-markety tho. Hmmmm.
Spammers are on the up in pork futures?Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben0 -
Shares in condoms are growing and growin and the whole business is set to bounce back like a rubber erm, ball... :shock:
Me-Tony
Ra-1996 -2013 RIP...
Cleo - 1996 to 2011. RIP0
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