Our own back on men

maggiemay

Hi Ladies
I will likely get Moderated for what im about to say, but will try and get my own back on Men as they have been giving us a Dig recently.

1, My Ex-Husband converted me to religion a few years ago, I never believed in Hell till I married him.

2,Men sort their laundry into 2 catagories, Filthy and Filthy but wearable

3, A man won a gold medal at the Olympics some years ago, saw him last week and he told me he had it bronzed

4,The smallest book in the world, is called The mens book on knowledge

5,Why are blonde jokes one liners? thats easy it is so men can understand them.

6,How do you BrainWash a man, Give him an Enema

7, When is the only time a woman can change a man, When he is a baby

8, I heard about a neighbour recently, he studied for 4 days for his Urine test, and got stranded on an escilator during the last power failure.

Oops now im in trouble. :roll:

Regards
Mags

katknapp

Hehehe GIRL POWER!!!!

Heres a few more:

Never let your mans mind wonder....its too little to be out on its own

If you want a commited man....look in a mental hospital

How does a man plan for the future........he buys two cases of beer instead of one

julie47

juliepf x

joanlawson

Male language patterns

"I can't find it," REALLY MEANS, "It didn't fall into my
outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"That's women's work," REALLY MEANS, "It's dirty, difficult and
thankless."

"It would take too long to explain," REALLY MEANS, "I have no
idea how it works."

"We're going to be late," REALLY MEANS, "Now I have a legitimate
excuse to drive like a maniac."

"That's interesting, dear," REALLY MEANS, "Are you still
talking?"

"You expect too much of me," REALLY MEANS, "You want me to stay
awake."

"I do help around the house," REALLY MEANS, "I once threw a dirty
towel near the laundry basket."

"She's one of the rabid feminists," REALLY MEANS, "She refused to
make my coffee."

"You really look terrific in that outfit," REALLY MEANS, "Please
don't try on another outfit. I'm starving."

"We share the housework," REALLY MEANS, "I make the messes. She
cleans them up."

"I don't need to read the instructions," REALLY MEANS, "I am
perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help."

"I heard you," REALLY MEANS, "I haven't the foggiest clue what
you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well
enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."

Joan

maggiemay

ladies if you want any more about men,
Go to your nearest book store and get the book called
Stupid Mens Jokes.

Never mind the Spice Girls having Girl Power,

Us ladies have it all the time lol
Regards
Mags

joanlawson

PS. Despite everything, I love 'em really :!: ( Honest :!: )

Women think that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:

1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

2. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.

3. They are supposed to help you to solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realise that if you had waited a little longer you could have had a better model.

frogmorton

Well done girls

keep 'em coming

tkachev

joanlawson wrote:

PS. Despite everything, I love 'em really :!: ( Honest :!: )

Women think that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:

1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

2. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.

3. They are supposed to help you to solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realise that if you had waited a little longer you could have had a better model.

The trouble is Joan this is all true. :roll:
Elizabeth

maggiemay

I love biting rehab,

But just remember it was you who started it with comments about the women.
lol xxx

Anyway what is a bit of banter between friends

As my Late Dad said
" If you cant take it, DONT give it"
which i agree with totaly

I CAN TAKE AND GIVE Oooppssss that sounds bad lolxxx

Regards
Mags

Who is in a wicked mood today
(NOT IN A BAD SENSE)

dreamdaisy

I have to disagree with the tenor of this: men are fabulous. The majority are wonderful, for the most part they are straightforward creatures, easy to understand, great fun to be with, far less neurotic, highly entertaining, much more funny (ha-ha wise) and I would far rather have a night out with the lads than one with the girls. I despair of my gender sometimes, we tend far too much towards the feeble, fluffy, frilly and frivolous. (or as Rob and I would put it pheeble, phluphphy, phrilly and phrivolous). Sorry girls. DD

tjt6768

well said DD, a wumman with sum sense, your hubby has got you well trained, lol
DD.... For a minute them I thought you'd been concerted by a certain website :shock: :shock:

You know you want us around girls.... Who else is going to tell you what to do!? :eek:

katekelly

Ladies, Ladies,

You know what they say:

"When God made men SHE was only joking!"

Love Kate xx

NinaKKang

Kate,
That's one of my favourite sayings ever I got texted this brilliant joke today which is still making me giggle. It's a bit rude, but I've moderated myself as best as I can:

A medical professor was teaching his first year students on involuntary muscle contractions and, wanting to grab the attention of the class, who were looking a bit bored, asked a female student "For instance, what do you think your @rsehole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"

Without missing a beat, she replied "Probably in the pub with his mates having a pint".

I hardly ever forward texts because they're normally rubbish, but everyone got that one
Nxx

tkachev

Nina thanks for that,

E x

tjt6768

:eek: :eek: Nina.... I am shocked.... That is such a sexist joke.. :shock: :shock:
Just when you think you know someone... :roll:

maggiemay

love that one Nina

Regards
Magsx

katknapp

Why do little boys whine?
because they are practicing to be men!

what do you call a man with half a brain?
gifted!

why are men attracted to smart women?
opposites attract

caterina57

Rehab
When needs be we can be armed and when we are:
we are extremely dangerous!

Link to song please Tony!

Cath

maggiemay

Hey Cath, Joan and other Ladies

Im enjoying this chinwag, on line.

Rehab still havnt heard from you since last posting lolxx
oops there i go again

Love and regards
Magsx

p.s did you hear about the bride on her wedding night, no well she turned round to me and said she was glad she didnt get rid of her v.....r

Ooops I did it again and again

maggiemay

And that one was tamed down a bit

Magsxxx

joanlawson

dreamdaisy wrote:

I have to disagree with the tenor of this: men are fabulous. The majority are wonderful, for the most part they are straightforward creatures, easy to understand, great fun to be with, far less neurotic, highly entertaining, much more funny (ha-ha wise) and I would far rather have a night out with the lads than one with the girls. I despair of my gender sometimes, we tend far too much towards the feeble, fluffy, frilly and frivolous. (or as Rob and I would put it pheeble, phluphphy, phrilly and phrivolous). Sorry girls. DD

I agree that there are some fabulous men out there, DD, but I'm not sure about ''the majority are wonderful''. Whenever I read of wars, rapes, domestic violence, and the oppression of women in some countries, I despair of men. If in any doubt, read this article.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1359743/Teenager-battered-refusing-arranged-marriage-father-sold-10-000-bride.html

If women are more neurotic than men, is there any wonder?

I don't think that women tend too much towards the feeble ( or even pheeble ) at all. On the contrary, I think women are very strong; we manage to have successful careers while bringing up our families, and women achieve great things in most areas of life these days. We can do all this, but still retain our femininity, so being fluffy, frilly and frivolous is just a part of that. I don't think it is a sign of weakness, but a celebration of our feminine nature.

"An English professor wrote the words: "Woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed the students to punctuate it correctly. The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing." The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."

Joan

tjt6768

caterina57 wrote:

Rehab
When needs be we can be armed and when we are:
we are extremely dangerous!

Link to song please Tony!

Cath

Here ya go wench, for all you wimmin folk, a song about where you should be :shock: :shock: :shock:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BTns_N9NcMg

joanlawson

Alesha Dixon...............The Boy Does Nothing :roll: :roll:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fLm9OPfNEmQ

Does he wash up? never wash up
Does he clean up? no, he never cleans up
Does he brush up? never brushed up
He does nothing the boy does nothing

tjt6768

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R20f-TPKjzc

joanlawson

No Tony, this is me

tjt6768

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m3_Q96eJr1k