Malaprops

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tonesp
tonesp Member Posts: 844
edited 27. Mar 2011, 06:16 in Community Chit-chat archive
Had a mate called Roger who used to come out with some gems A lovely Judean houe Glove department and motorcycle acommodation.Another cracker was our Queen Elizabeth Vagina Now fallen into the trap myself Had an appointment with the Gynacologist yesterday NOOOOOOOOOOOO it was the Dermatolagist Any More??? :lol::lol::lol::lol:

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  • joanlawson
    joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi Tone

    I love these malapropisms. Here's some of my favourites:

    Les Dawson in his famous Cissy and Ada sketches used to say that Cissy had had a 'hystericalectomy'.

    My friend doesn't like driving on motorways because she finds it difficult to 'infiltrate' them when joining.

    Michelangelo painted the Sixteenth Chapel.

    It's déjà vu all over again.

    "Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."
    Dan Quayle

    Say "No!" to negativity.

    "What are you incinerating?" (insinuating).

    "If Gower had stopped that [cricket ball] he would have decapitated his hand."
    Farokh Engineer

    I think you are a retired teacher, Tone, so you will have read many howlers like these in your time.

    King Arthur lived in the Age of Shivery.

    Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 500 wives and 500 porcupines.

    Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.

    One of Jacob’s sons, Joseph, gave refuse to the Israelites.

    Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.

    Joan :grin:
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  • rugbygirl
    rugbygirl Member Posts: 691
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    A friend of mine had a submarine in the River Somme during World War I
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  • rugbygirl
    rugbygirl Member Posts: 691
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    My husbands ex sister in law who lives in England once threatened her son with the FBI (should be CID)
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  • rugbygirl
    rugbygirl Member Posts: 691
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    joanlawson wrote:
    Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.

    Joan :grin:


    Ouch!!!
    Jakib0644.gif
  • joanlawson
    joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    More school howlers:

    Homer wrote the Oddity.

    All teachers at our school are certified.

    Our school is ventilated by hot currants.

    If teeth are not cleaned, plague is the result.

    In the Middle Ages people lived in mud huts with rough mating on the floor

    Adolescence is the stage between puberty and adultery

    Another Greek myth was Jason And The Golden Fleas.

    Joan :grin:
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  • robertls
    robertls Member Posts: 2,304
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    A Malaprop is a Alaskan sled dog.....
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  • joanlawson
    joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    robertls wrote:
    A Malaprop is a Alaskan sled dog.....

    DogFunny.gif
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  • RichC
    RichC Member Posts: 260
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Not mine but ...
    It was just a pigment of her imagination.
    I’m suing you for definition of character!
    I think they have an ulterior motif

    :)
    RX
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    My very proper mum, standing in front of a mirror looking at the jumper she was trying on and saying 'It's no use, Y-fronts just don't suit me.'
    (she meant V necks). DD

    PS Nice one, tink!
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • tonesp
    tonesp Member Posts: 844
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    He was so ill they had to call the paralytics and she has just bought one of those stereoharmonic radios
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    I've often wondered what prostrate cancer is. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    One of my grandma's better efforts: 'She went for electrocution lessons.' DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • Poppyg1rl
    Poppyg1rl Member Posts: 1,245
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    My Grandma's neighbour told us that she had compensation running down her windows...had to bite my lip and make a swift exit. X
    'grá agus solas'
    'Love and Light' translated from Irish. X
  • joanlawson
    joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    dreamdaisy wrote:
    One of my grandma's better efforts: 'She went for electrocution lessons.' DD

    I bet her speech was shocking :!: :lol:elecshock.gif
    c1b3ebebbad638aa28ad5ab6d40cfe9c.gif
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Like it! Thanks for the grin, joanlawson. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
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