Do I respond?

Bookseverywhere

As many of you know, I am a bookseller, and as well as having a shop, I also sell online. I regularly post on discussions on an international booksellers' forum.

A couple of weeks ago there was a thread on that booksellers' forum about euthanasia and assisted suicide, which was started in the light of someone in Scotland (where I live) who had arthritis and who decided she no longer wished to live. Most of the people who posted on that thread were in favour of further liberalisation of the law. A minority, including me, were not (for reasons that aren't necessarily relevant to what I am about to say). Many of those who posted either had progressive, degenerative and/or chronic conditions. Some felt as I did, others felt the law should be liberalised in both England and Scotland (and elsewhere).

The debate was rational, reasonable and often based on people's own experiences. However, someone then posted accusing me of being "arrogant" and saying sarcastically that he hoped I would never suffer extreme pain.

This is someone who knows I have two forms of arthritis, and who knows that I have indeed suffered excrutiating pain (and in the past have had the indignity of having to get my partner to help toilet me). I responded by reminding him that he knew I had OA and RA and that he also knew something about the level of pain I sometimes have (though over the past few months, my pain has been much reduced despite reducing my intake of steroids). His response was to belittle my condition and my experience of pain, and to continue to be sarcastic.

Now, do I respond and on that booksellers' forum detail exactly what sort of pain and indignity I have had, so that others know or do I just ignore him?

I consider myself to be somewhat assertive and quite capable of standing up for myself, but I must admit that this response from someone who knows me, who has met me has knocked me back a bit.

Best wishes,
Kevin.

Airwave!

Deflecting your own pain and anguish onto someone else is a common theme, very effective at times, I'm sure we all have at one time or another. Some people have a knack at aiming their blows below our defenses.

Would you lose your dignity by replying and unleashing your own vehemence as they have done? or would you gain by ignoring the tirade?

Sticks and stones .............etc etc

barbara12

Hi Kevin
Im so sorry you have been spoke to in this way, If it was me I would not respond, I have learned that this is what people like to do, there pain is much worse than yours!!
I would cut the argument dead,you cant win, and the stress isn't worth the trouble.
Sorry If I have not made myself clear..but I think you know what I mean.
You take care
Barbara x

Bookseverywhere

Barbara and Airwave, Many thanks for your replies, which have given me something to think about.

Best wishes,
Kevin.

elnafinn

Hi Kevin

Annoying/upsetting though it is, if it was me in this scenario, I definitely would not reply. Actually if you do not reply I feel you have won, if there is any winning in this.

Elna x

paddyw

Hi Kevin,How awful just ignore the person.What goes round comes round -- But we must never look for it.Keep well in body and mind .Pat W

alarkra

Hi Kevin,

Sounds like this person is very small minded. If you feel the need to post something back (believe me, I think I would be provoked to say something if I were you) then you can state that he clearly is being closed minded and arrogant and being disrespectful to other people's pain as he it unable to relate to anyone elses views on the matter.

He is obviously just trying to make a point of it and trying to poison others against you. He probably has nothing better to do with his time other than be venomous to others. He clearly is unhappy in himself and so seeks release in being horrible to others to bring them down. Not that I have a view on these types of people or anything...!

Sleep on it and I'm sure you'll make the right decision on whether to respond and how to if you feel the need to. Also, time may give other people the chance to jump to your defence as well, so bear that thought in mind too.

skezier

Hi Kevin,

Oh that's a very emotive subject..... People get heated and well the problem is you don't know how close he is to deciding and well I would steer clear if I were you.

Its bound to get heated as it is such a deep and personal subject.

That said it doesn't excuse his response to you as manners even when angry don't cost anything but I think were you to reply he would too...... it could get really messy so I would walk away if you can.

Don';t take it too much to heart he just ain't worth it.

For me a subject like that would be one i would steer clear of as its very personal and I understand both arguments but at the same time have my own ideas. I think its a bit like a lions head thing.....

Walk away from him if you can Kevin he could get really really nasty if he feels strongly enough about his view point. Cris x

speedalong

Now, do I respond and on that booksellers' forum detail exactly what sort of pain and indignity I have had, so that others know or do I just ignore him?

No, you shouldn't have to justify your pain to anyone.

You can either cut this person dead and ignore his comments or you can make a blanket statement saying your level and experience of pain is unique to you and has no bearing on the oppinions you expressed on the topic of euthansia and assisted suicide and that you have no more to say on the matter.

Speedy

frogmorton

Oh kevin

you must feel so hurt :sad:

l have given thsi serious thought and read everyone else's responses and have to concur with the majority.

l myself woudl not post again on that thread for so many reasons and most of all because getting myself stressed and worked up causes me too much upset - inside of me and l dont like the 'nasty taste'.

l would be dignified and ignore it now. Hold your head up high you have to justify yourself to NO-ONE.

Love

Toni xx

elainebadknee

Hi Kevin

It sounds to me as if this person has a lot of anger and is venting it at you for some reason. Some people feel they need to cut others down to make themselves feel better, thats thier problem.
You could either ignore him as he may not be worth your time, why justify yourself to such a person or what i do when people annoy me is I tell them i have noted their comments and logged them, they often dont know how to reply to that...

Good luck

Elainex

Bookseverywhere wrote:

As many of you know, I am a bookseller, and as well as having a shop, I also sell online. I regularly post on discussions on an international booksellers' forum.

A couple of weeks ago there was a thread on that booksellers' forum about euthanasia and assisted suicide, which was started in the light of someone in Scotland (where I live) who had arthritis and who decided she no longer wished to live. Most of the people who posted on that thread were in favour of further liberalisation of the law. A minority, including me, were not (for reasons that aren't necessarily relevant to what I am about to say). Many of those who posted either had progressive, degenerative and/or chronic conditions. Some felt as I did, others felt the law should be liberalised in both England and Scotland (and elsewhere).

The debate was rational, reasonable and often based on people's own experiences. However, someone then posted accusing me of being "arrogant" and saying sarcastically that he hoped I would never suffer extreme pain.

This is someone who knows I have two forms of arthritis, and who knows that I have indeed suffered excrutiating pain (and in the past have had the indignity of having to get my partner to help toilet me). I responded by reminding him that he knew I had OA and RA and that he also knew something about the level of pain I sometimes have (though over the past few months, my pain has been much reduced despite reducing my intake of steroids). His response was to belittle my condition and my experience of pain, and to continue to be sarcastic.

Now, do I respond and on that booksellers' forum detail exactly what sort of pain and indignity I have had, so that others know or do I just ignore him?

I consider myself to be somewhat assertive and quite capable of standing up for myself, but I must admit that this response from someone who knows me, who has met me has knocked me back a bit.

Best wishes,
Kevin.

ArthurWritus

It would be tempting to get into a debate about how an individual is able to quantify pain when the only baseline we have is our own. ie: my 'agony' might be you're 'good day' etc. etc. However you'd probably be wasting your time - some people are too self centred to empathise in that way.

As a (vaguely related) aside, I have a 'friend' who likes to try and engage in a bizarre Top Trumps style, 'my ailment is worse than yours' conversation when I see him. It takes all sorts.

wannabewriter

This 'troll' is clearly out to cause you emotional pain in an attempt to make himself feel better.

I personally would not give him the time of day to dignify his comments with a response.

But that's just me...

Bookseverywhere

Thanks to you all for your helpful and supportive comments. I have decided to follow the advice of the majority and not respond. The sad thing is that this individual used to be a friend, and as such I disclosed quite a lot of things to him about me.

What is interesting is that there are several booksellers who post there who do have chronic or progressive illnesses or conditions or who have been carers of those that do. Without exception, each of those have taken part in the debate in an honest and adult way, discussing the pros and cons and each respecting others opinions.

Many thanks.

Best wishes,
Kevin.

seamonkey

Hi Kevin,
I would imagine that others on the site know that this fellow has been quite childish and inconsiderate and havent taken in anything that has been said or implied. As hurt as you are by the comments etc i dont believe you would gain anything to reply. Others have seen his comments and are possibly thinking the same as you.
Wishing you well,
seamonkey