No wine...........

Airwave!

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, ' If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner? '

' No, I had to stop drinking years ago ' , the homeless woman told me.

' Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food? ' I asked.

' No, I don ' t waste time shopping, ' the homeless woman said. ' I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive. '

' Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food? ' I asked.

' Are you NUTS! ' replied the homeless woman. I haven ' t had my hair done in 20 years! '

' Well, I said, ' I ' m not going to give you the money. Instead, I ' m going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight. '

The homeless Woman was shocked. ' Won ' t your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I ' m dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting. '

I said, ' That ' s okay. It ' s important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine. '

constable

Nice one Airwave, it made me chuckle

Karen xx

frogmorton

Hah!!

barbara12

I thought you had given up wine when I read the heading..
Barbara x

livinglegend

As this has already appeared over 171,000 times online, at least credit your source.

Airwave!

No, not mine, I can't remember jokes! I get loads of emails from friends, this one tickled me so I shared it, I don't know who dreams these up but I do appreciate the humour.

NinaKKang

That's a good one, I was texted the following last week which made me cry laughing and which I immediately texted to all my friends:

Two drunk women walking through a graveyard on their way home from a night out decided they needed a wee. They crouched down behind a gravestone and one wiped herself on her knickers while the other used a wreath.

The next day, their husbands met for a pint. The first said "I'd better watch my wife, she came home last night, bladdered, with no knickers on." To which hubby no.2 replied "That's nothing, mate, my missus came home with a card wedged in her bum saying 'We'll never forget you, from all the boys at the fire station'"!!!!!

I know it's a bit rude, but I'm still giggling typing it!
Nxx

Airwave!

Very good! There is an Oz website that has all these on. A lot of these come through the forces and ex-forces sites, ex-underwater navy branch to name one. The sense of humour is very 'robust', not for the fainthearted, I wouldn't put them on here but a lot of fun.

NinaKKang

Everyone knows the best jokes are the rude ones - just ask Len

I feel so bad about the London Marathon, I didn't expect you all to take me seriously but you should read posts properly!

Nxx