I am so angry with myself. I have ruined my life.

Dottydoodah

Sorry to have a rant, but I am so angry and upset with myself for getting into this mess.
I have been putting up with back and hip aches and pains for about 20yrs. Instead of being sensible and telling a doctor about it, I shrugged it off as i had gained a bit of weight and put it down to that, convincing myself it was temporary.
I swanned off around the world to live in New Zealand and Australia. Down there medical bills are expensive so i put off the docs whilst there too.
Now, 2yrs after coming home, I am in so much pain. I can only walk about 20yds before its too painful to go on. This is what made me finally go to the docs and get the diagnosis i dreaded.

Let me be a lesson to those who shrug things off for whatever reason. I could have slowed the deterioration down and improved my quality of life but because i am an idiot i am now paying the price.

Rant over. I shall go sit in the corner and feel sorry for myself for a bit. Hopefully i shall get over myself by the morning.

tjt6768

We have all done something similar at one point, it's ok to rant and every now and then feel sorry for yourself as long as it doesn't become a habit, lol...

Be well mi dear.. Come out from the corner when you are ready

barbara12

Oh Dotty
Please dont beat yourself up, I am another that carried on for years with all soughts of pains, and just putting it down to age.
Dont forget even if you had known what is was years ago, the outcome would probably been the same.
There isn't much around to stop OA, just physio really, and new joints.
So you are not on your own.
I do hope you feel better for the rant....its good to talk..
Love
Barbara xx

madwestie

Dotty don't beat yourself up too much we all put things off for different reasons. At least you are doing something about it now and hopefully the treatment will help you.

Try not to stay in the corner too long it is lonely there and much better here talking to us.

Tracey

Dottydoodah

Thanks Tony Barbara and Tracey

I'm not normally a misery guts. Much prefer to see the funny side of life, but just every so often it all gets too much.

I am consoling myself with apple crumble and cream.

barbara12

Dottydoodah wrote:

Thanks Tony Barbara and Tracey

I'm not normally a misery guts. Much prefer to see the funny side of life, but just every so often it all gets too much.

I am consoling myself with apple crumble and cream.

Snap...but im having home made sticky toffee pud...you take care and dont apologize for being down...
Barbara x

Dottydoodah

oooh yum. you are clever though. I cant cook so got mine from Tesco

enjoy x

Airwave!

Makes me think of that poem:-

Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, think I'll go and eat worms, short fat squishy ones......

sorry forgotten the rest! I think the corner of the room might be getting a touch overcrowded, shall we go and have a drink?

Dottydoodah

Airwave! wrote:

Makes me think of that poem:-

Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, think I'll go and eat worms, short fat squishy ones......

sorry forgotten the rest! I think the corner of the room might be getting a touch overcrowded, shall we go and have a drink?

LOL :P

Drink? hmmm..... good idea. G&T ice and slice. Make it a double...

Actually... just leave the bottle

dreamdaisy

You did what you thought was right at the time. One of the biggest problems with any form of arthritis is that it almost encourages one to tolerate the unacceptable: we learn to adjust to a new, lower level of mobility, or a new, lower level of pain, or a new, lower level of just general 'stuff' - 'Oh, that's the arthritis,' we gamely think and so we plough on. Just where does one draw the line between getting on with things or addressing things - and that comes with its attendant risk of being seen by others as being a hypochondriac. Our individual tightropes are very narrow indeed.

On the plus side (I firmly believe there is always one to be found) you have seen a bit of the world and you know that you can cope. We all have our down days and we all need time out to rant, shake our fists at the moon etc but please, I entreat you, be kind to yourself. You did what you thought was right at the time and none of us know what the future holds. None of us. I wish you well. DD

Airwave!

DD is right, it only really hits home when we try to do something different, our mind still says it's possible.

constable

Hi there,

Just wanted to put my two pennies worth in, don't be cross with yourself, as everyone has already said we leave it and leave it(I think maybe hoping it will go away) but it doesn't. I think it takes a lot to admit it's about time to go see a doctor. So stop being so hard on yourself, you do have a lovelly sense of humour. I'm sending some hugs your way to cheer you up,

Karen xx

seamonkey

I too left things for years before finally admitting things just werent right.
Does that mean i get to sit in the corner too? Any one for sharing that apple crumble or sticky toffee pud? My doc practically encouraged me to eat cake, she said if you enjoy it then why not. Errm because i cant hardly move to burn the calories off! hehe,
Hope you have managed to come out of corner and not feeling as bad.
Im angry too and wish i could let go of it.
wishing you well
seamonkey

lindalegs

Hi Dotty,

You haven't ruined your life, how can you say that when you've lived in New Zealand and Australia :shock: You could look on it the other way in that you didn't let arthur stop you doing what you wanted to do. You might have sat in the corner and never gone and then look on what you know now you would've missed.

You feel rough now but that doesn't mean to say it won't get better again, I think it will, so get out your corner and share some of the apple crumble with us lot and let's have a cyber dance whilst we're at it.

dachshund

Hi Dotty
dont get mad with yourself because if you had not done all you did you might not have found this forum and we would not have met you.
you are lovely just be glad.
take care. joan xx

lavenderlady

Airwave! wrote:

Makes me think of that poem:-

Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, think I'll go and eat worms, short fat squishy ones......

sorry forgotten the rest! I think the corner of the room might be getting a touch overcrowded, shall we go and have a drink?

my hubby taught our kids that poem about worms and was embarrased when thier teacher commneted on it lol
we've all done it all pushed ourselves until we hurt dont blame yourself we all know where you are , come out of the corner and talk all you want here, oh dont forget the pouddins are a great help lol my fav is spotty dick and rice pud yummy

hileena111

Oh no.....I'll have the apple crumble and cream please....if theres any left after you lot have got at it
Everyone puts things off and as others say dont stay in that corner....come and talk to us.
I know what you mean about Medical bills in Australia and New Zealand.
When I was 21 I went to Australia for 2 years.....I have epilepsy as well as arthur.....had epilepsy since I was 18 months old....Its well controlled now with medication.....anyway I need those tablets to stop me having a seizure so had to go to a doc out there and all I needed was repeat prescriptions and was getting charged full price....I mentioned this to him one time and he said...If all my patients where like you how could I have a drink or a bet on the gee gees but OK if its just your repeat I'll let you have it for half price.....but if you as much as say I've got a sniffle it will be full price Needless to say it was only repeat prescriptions.
When your "down"....think of New Zealand....I only spent 2 days there....1 day on each island....but its beautiful....much better than Australia
Sorry for the ramble
Love
Hileena

jilly

Hi Dotty , dont bet yourself up for not doing anything about it , i think lots of people do the same .it is an insidious condition . I ignored my hip for years until like you i could'nt walk . I had my hip replaced and it is pain free now but i have arthritis in most of my other joints so i dont think it made any difference in the end. Can i join you in the corner i would like apple crumble and custard please ,,,,,,,,,,jillyx

Dottydoodah

Well..what can i say??

Thank you all for your replies. Of course each and every one of you is right!!
I have managed to get over myself.
I have my first ever appointment to do with Arthur this morning. Seeing a surgeon. Not sure what to expect but i shall report back later.

Not got time to answer individual posts till i get back as appointment is 9am!
Takes me an hour to get washed and dressed!
Bye for now

Nicki

frogmorton

Nicki

l will be with you in spiriut today for your appt and hoping they will have some great ideas for you.

I agree with those who said you have travelled and seen some amazing places and no doubt met some amazing people (and l just found out something about Hileena!!)

NOW you will face the music and get sorted all being well.

Love

toni xx

speedalong

Hi Dotty,

Doesn't sound to me like you have wasted or ruined your life!!! Going off round the world and living in NZ and Australia - sound a good way to spend your life!!

Who knows anyway what the medics might have said - they might given you a diagnosis, a pot of pills and you might never have travelled as a result!!!

By it's very nature arther is progressive and it unfortunately gets worse ... whether we ignore it and get on with life or not. In the end it catches up with us. Treatment can slow it down but not cure it.

Have a quick wallow and then dig out your photo albums and celebrate what you have done and leave the what-ifs well alone!!

Speedy

Pherstun

I know I'm adding similar to what everyone else has posted, but still...

At the moment I wish I'd seen a rheumatologist earlier too, I always put my pains down to my GP having told me when I was a kid that I had hypermobile joints. When I think about it though I don't think it would have been much of a different outcome.

If you're going to get arthritis you're gonna get it regardless of what you do, you may possibly have been able to perhaps slow things down a bit... ie it may not have made any difference. You will never know whether you were able to help/prevent your symptoms so there's no point in dwelling on it.

I get more annoyed when I have to buy things to keep me mobile. We went to an outdoors shop today to get some folding chairs for when we want to go out and I need to sit down - I feel it's almost a waste of money but my hubby's saying if I need one we'll get one. Then I have to buy a relatively expensive one because the others just aren't comfy.

I shall join you with the apple crumble and custard, with wheat free topping

skezier

Hi Nikki,

Oh flower don't say you ruined your life... all you have done is lived your life and that's got to be good!

This bone stuff would have got you anyway so its better to be able to look back and think well at least I have done so and so.... that's what i think but I also have wrecked my life and continue to do so

Long may we rebel! Cris xx

devonann

its ok to ran't hopefully it releases some tensions and makes the pain a little better.

Dottydoodah

Once again thanks for your replies. You are all right and i have kicked myself up the backside.

I had my appointment with the surgeon who said he now wants me to have an MRI which is on the 24th May
I was disgusted with the clinic which was so crowed that people were having to stand in the corridors. I ended up sitting in a wheelchair for over 2hrs waiting to be called in which, in itself was very painful on my tailbone. Once in with the registrar he couldnt wait to get rid of me!! In fact i am sure he has requested the MRI just to get me out of there in a hurry. Never mind...at least i shall have a good looking over i suppose.

You are all lovely people and i am so glad i have found you

tonesp

I thought my arthritis was tendononitis as I'd had it a couple of times before and Ibroprufen had cleared it each time So I went on happily taking it until the pain got too much and I was diagnosed with OA :oops: :oops: :oops: