struggling to be a mum

katknapp

i feel like such a bad mother,ive had to leave my 4 year old with my mother in law for most of the holiday because of this pain!i really need help with her and i dont know who to ask,my mother in law lives 3 miles away and some days i cant drive her there,i cant always manage to drive her to school either,i just feel so bad at the moment :sad:

constable

Hi there,

You are not a bad mum, you just have a lot of pain at the moment, perfectly understandable. Your little girl will understand when she is older. I am quite sure all of us mum's feel guilty at times over our children because we feel it seems so wrong that we can't do everything we want with them. I know I do.

But never feel that you are a bad mum, it's not your fault, once you get the proper meds ect, and the pain reduces you'll be back. Your daughter probably thinks it's like a holiday for her. Don't worry. As you have done you can always off load on here, expect loads of responses.

Karen xx

jillyb1

You are anything but a bad mummy ; don't even think these thoughts . If you are rested then the time together with your daughter will be more special and important to her than if you're struggling and irritable . I went through the same as you 30 years ago , I now have 3 fantastic grown up children who are kind , loving , and thoughtful . We are very , very close and I'm sure you will find the same as your lovely daughter grows and blossoms . Jillyb

speedalong

Make the most of the break and rest whilst your little'un is at your MIL's and then you will be able to enjoy the time with her when she is at home - and make that time funtime. Plan activities that you can do together that are within your physical limits .... even if it is just snuggling down to read stories and watch DVDs.

Speedy

tjt6768

just wanted to say that I hope you get some relief from the pain soon mi dear.. This disease is one miserable so and so.. It doesn't make you a bad parent however hun.. It really isn't easy learning to live within new limits set by this vile beastie but you will adjust and so will your daughter. I'm quite sure that you are a great mum..
Keep your chin up and we are all here for when you need to vent..

Be well

caterina57

No Cathy you are not a bad mum you are mum who is stuggling to adapt to changes because of a disability. As others have said once you get over this bad patch you will be back on track and your little girl will love you no matter what!
Cath

katknapp

Thank you all,i just felt so guilty as she wanted to stay with me but i knew i would be snappy,when my two eldest were her age we were out and about in the holidays but poor katie has been stuck indoors with grumpy mummy,it would help if i had more support from my OH,i really dont think he understands what im going through i swear if he could dare say it he would say "oh pull yourself together"! and it makes me feel lazy,sorry everyone im whingingx

tkachev

I feel exactly the same as you Cathy. It is fine if people want to help you but I always felt they had the children cos they had to and that made me feel guilty. When i have had help I get comments about petrol costs.

So all in all I would rather care for them myself but when ill I just cant. It gets easier when they grow a bit and they still love you and now my little girl wants to help so the rewards are coming.


I have 2 older children from my first marriage and I was able to take them for trips out.i always compare the first children with the last 3 as their ives were so different.
And yes I have a similar OH to you. I have o say life is far from easy but we do the best we can.
I also want to say I feel for you. It does hurt emotionally I know.

Elizabeth

barbara12

Hi Kat
You wouldnt be worrying if you were a bad mother, you take the time to rest, and like one of the others have said, I bet she thinks its a holiday, and I am sure your mil is enjoying having her.
Sending you some very gentle hugs ((((((()))))
Love
Barbara xx

julie47

Hi Kat

I am sorry that you are feeling so low and I do hope this soon passes.
The help with your little girl from your MIL will give you time to get much needed rest.
As for the school trip, is there a neighbour or a friend with a child at the same school that could help you once in a while?
It is hard.....I found it hard too as I got RA just after giving birth 23 yrs ago. I have been lucky My OH has always helped and still does but he needs to work.
I can only say rest as much as possible to recharge your batteries, and on the very poorly days sit with your daughter while she either draws or read a book to her.
I hope things get better soon.....and they will....Take care
Juliepf x ((((((((((())))))))))))

Sky

Hiya

ONLY GOOD MOTHERS WORRY THAT THEY ARE BAD MOTHERS

Know how you feel though, I have a toddler and I worry about what I'm doing/not doing all the time. Disability or not I think that's all part of being a Mummy

Donna Mc

Hi Kat, i know how you are feeling. Thankfully my last severe flare up was 2 years ago and my three wee girls had to watch me crawling around on my hands and knees to do anything for them. My eldest who was only 9 then had to help me wash and dress in the morning and this caused me tremendous guilt. Personally i think if you are lucky enough to have a loving, caring relative to help you out at a time like this then the better for your children and yourself. It really distressed my eldest especially to see me that way and i think that if your wee girl is at your MILs then she will be getting all the attention and love she needs and you will be able to get that much needed rest to be able to get your strength back for your wee girl that much quicker. You should never feel like a bad mum but i know what you mean about your OH. Mine is great most of the time but you know men they just don't have the patience for too long and its hard for them to understand.I hope you get some relief soon and keep us posted,
Donna x

Poppyg1rl

Hi Kat,
I think you are a brilliant caring Mum who like all mums wants the best for her children.
Don't feel guilty about asking for help ever, you need it, when you have children to care for and an OH that seems to think you need to 'snap out of it' you're dealing with an awful lot, nevermind trying to cope with the constant pain of arthritis.
You are doing the best that you can, that's all any of us can do.
Your little girl loves her Mummy no matter what
Sending buckets of hugs your way (((((()))))) xxxxx

Dottydoodah

katknapp wrote:

i feel like such a bad mother,ive had to leave my 4 year old with my mother in law for most of the holiday because of this pain!i really need help with her and i dont know who to ask,my mother in law lives 3 miles away and some days i cant drive her there,i cant always manage to drive her to school either,i just feel so bad at the moment :sad:

Hello Kat
Dont beat yourself up because you are suffering. Take all the help you can get.
I am a nanna (a young one i may add ) and i bet your mum in law loves having your daughter. I know that i cant wait to have mine over and she brightens my day.
Have you talked it over with your mum in law to get some feedback on how she feels about helping out?

Big hugs
Nicki