Does anyone else have this dilemma?

chris7
chris7 Bots Posts: 2,696
edited 28. Apr 2011, 12:56 in Living with Arthritis archive
Hi folks

Well it's a dilemma! :???: Before the Easter break I worked 11 days straight at my two part time jobs! :lol: It's a long story, it nearly crippled me and apologies for not posting due a severe shortage of spoons but at we did at least get the Easter orders out on time. :grin:

However finished work last Wednesday and spent most of Thursday and Friday in a coma trying to recover. By Saturday, having rested up and finding I could actually move again, I was bored out of my skull. Haven't seen a soul apart from a nice chat with the cashier at the supermarket on Saturday! :oops: Though as usual my sis who is miles away does at least phone most days.

So there it is, work till I drop for some company and then spend 5 days on over Easter talking to myself. :roll: I guess I should console myself that the housework is at least done and I have even made a valiant attempt at a sort of machete job with me teeny garden but it isn't much of a life eh?. Does anyone else feel like this? or I am the only saddo out there?

Sorry for the whinge, I hope you have all had a good Easter break and caught up with family and friends. AND there had to be chocolate. :grin:
Just off into town to find a conversation in a coffee shop somewhere.

take care all
Chris

Comments

  • tkachev
    tkachev Member Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Chris, I tend to be online talking to my friends as getting out and about is difficult, not just mobility and pain issues but with an autistic son to monitor if we go anywhere I just don't enjoy myself. So I feel like I a missing out all the time and this upsets me.
    I remember you recently met others at an arthritis meeting so could you arrange to meet for a drink? Of course I understand they may not be living alone and be busy with family so would not appreciate how you feel.
    I know when I was divorced I felt terribly lonely and the few nights out were not my cup of tea, especially as I had no car at first.You cannot just walk into a pub alone either. The coffee shop idea is nice but people might think you are having some quiet time to yourself and leave you alone.
    Are there any social clubs nearby? art lessons? talks? anything where you will meet others is great and friendships will develop from there.
    Difficult one this is Chris making the first step is the hardest but the rest will follow I'm sure.
    Elizabeth
    Never be bullied into silence.
    Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
    Accept no ones definition of your life

    Define yourself........

    Harvey Fierstein
  • skezier
    skezier Member Posts: 11,333
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Chris,

    Oh flower I know what you mean, its the price of being alone I guess? I don't talk to people for days at a time, I d have text conversations though and so maybe that's enough. See I don't feel lonely but then I have the employers and I do talk to them as well as my self..... :lol: Both as useful :roll:

    I kinda alright with it though but was very lonely as a kid so maybe I am used to it and so don't notice? That's what an acquaintance used to tell me... and possibly why they stayed an acquaintance :wink:

    It rs hard to get out there and meet folk and its hard to without the bone stuff cus you lose confidence especially if you been kicked about a bit but though I don't do it Chris I don't think its a bad idea to try..... See I know how reclusive I have become and I have a life that enables me to hide from the world quite effectively.....

    I do have people talk to me at the sales.... I wish some wouldn't :lol: i am either in possession of that kind of face r nicer than the other holders at not saying go away... and I get folks life stories... and sometimes they will buy something :lol::lol: Most don't and after all I don't have to say anything...... besides Chris I have this really big and loud stereo in my head so no matter how much I look like I am listening I might not be :wink:

    I think Elizabeth has made a couple of good ideas there and maybe its something you would like to do? For me it wouldn't be cus I been hiding so long I am not so good with more than a handful of folk at the same time.......

    Leaving you a (((((((((( )))))))))))) and a hope that this coming week will be better than the last two. Love Cris xxx
  • chris7
    chris7 Bots Posts: 2,696
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Elizabeth and Cris

    Well I found a nice couple to chat to who were here on holiday so had my tourist info hat on I guess.

    Elizabeth, thanks love, yes I really do appreciate that in some ways I am more mobile than so many here, (though I don't drive so am a bit limited )and I don't have the responsibilities many of you do. When my long term relationship ended, I didn't get back into the social whirl. Didn't need too, back then I had a long and fulfilling career and I thought lots of lifelong friends. However when the career ended abruptly and prematurely all the folks I thought were true pals melted away taking with it along with every shred of confidence I ever had and left me with nothing. :cry: I am still struggling to find my way back and with arther now on board as you know it isn't easy. Sometimes think I got the arthritis as some sort of punishment and have been on the waiting list to see a psychologist since last August! to try and unscramble that one! ? :lol:
    Normally on the work treadmill I don't have the energy to consider a social life but I guess this longer than usual break has given me some thinking time. Yes maybe the local arthritis group will give me a focus, though they all have partners or family and I already find myself being the case study for AC week and posing in an Amble for arthritis tee shirt simply because no one else volunteered. :???: I have never yet refused an invitation to anything that is legal :shock: so I live in hope but night classes are way too scary even if I could summon up the energy for them.

    Cris
    Yep I have so many acquaintances. Can strike up a nice chat anywhere , any time and am on first name terms with my bus passengers from Sundays but sometimes it isn't enough. Do like my Sundays in the shop where I can talk to interesting people and feel helpful but in the week conversation with the sweeties is a bit sparse or largely in a language I don't speak. :roll:
    Glad you are happy with things for you, I do try but being 50 something, with no children and no family near I guess I am a bit odd and the confidence thing is my biggest fault. Hey maybe it is time I got another cat to talk too. :grin:

    take care both, it's back to work tomorrow so the energy sapping can continue. thanks for calling in.
    Chris
  • madwestie
    madwestie Member Posts: 383
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Chris, sorry to hear you have had such a quiet easter i think any long holiodays are hard for people on their own. I am married we have no children but i think myself very lucky to have Hubby.
    I have a little dog and even though it is often a struggle i do take her out every day and meet up with two ladies who have become good friends though meeting with our dogs they are both in their 80's i am 43 but walk at about the same pace :lol: it is good for me as i work from home and although i work with a really lovely bunch of fellas and speak to them most days it is not the same as having friend to go to lunch with.
    If i did not take Maddie out then i would not have met my friends and they are a real pick me up on has RA and the other has had 2 THR's so we can have a good whinge about things.
    I am not sure about you circumstances but have you thought about getting a dog they are great company (stop you talking to yourself) and they do get you out of the house. I have a cat as well but i don't think she would apreciate me taking her for a walk :shock: she think exercise is walking the 3 paces from her bed to her dinner bowl..... :roll:

    My sister also rings me most days and i really miss it when we don't speak.

    I hope things pick up for you soon.

    Tracey
  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,280
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hello my love
    I have just typed a long reply and its gone into space....the gist of it was, I know you find it easy to talk to people...so that is a good start...I am sure if you could bite the bullet, and join some sort of club.....I think they would be very lucky to have you has a friend.
    Sorry Im telling you what to do....I am the worlds worst at joining anything...one lady in our town decided to put an adverts in the community center, asking for ladies to go on outings and evenings in....23 people turned up...she was gobsmacked at how many people live on there own.....they have dwindled to around 12 now...but they have a brilliant time....they wont let me join because I am married.....I do envy all the days out and nights in...
    Sorry I'm going on..
    Sending you loads of hugs ((((())))
    and you know we are always here...
    Love
    Barbara xx
    Love
    Barbara
  • tillytop
    tillytop Member Posts: 3,460
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hello Chris

    So sorry that it's such a struggle for you at the moment, with work and home life. I can't come up with any good suggestions like the other wise peeps I'm afraid but just wanted to say that I do understand about losing confidence. I know I am lucky because I don't live by myself but I do sometimes feel I am in danger of becoming a recluse because things are often physically difficult and I have to make a real effort to face going out. As for feeling that you have arthritis as some sort of punishment - please know you're not alone with that feeling (me too) and although it's an irrational feeling, it is hard to shake off I find. Do you think that talking things through with the AC helpline would be of benefit?

    Really hope you manage at work tomorrow Chris. Thinking of you.

    Love Tilly xxx
  • tkachev
    tkachev Member Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Chris I just wanted to say you are not odd. I see many 50 plus people about on my nights out and they are lovely, it is the younger people who bore me now. I agree night classes are too scary. I was thinking a day class but forgot you work.
    Please do not feel bad about being alone. It is because you work so hard that it is so hard to find time, places and the inclination to go socialising.I was lucky that I got a car after my initial separation and as i love Soul music I just turned up at do's alone! From there i made lots of friends but again it is that first step.
    I will get my thinking cap on.

    Elizabeth
    Never be bullied into silence.
    Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
    Accept no ones definition of your life

    Define yourself........

    Harvey Fierstein
  • caterina57
    caterina57 Member Posts: 1,424
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi
    No you are not a weird 50 something. I am 54 have never married or had a live in partner and never had any children. I live alone ( with my dog) and work 21 hours a week. I have one sister who is married with 3 adult children and 2 grandchildren - they all live in a neighbouring town about 15 miles away.
    I do have some good friends - that I have had from school days we meet up about once a month and have a weekend away once a year.
    So I know exactly where you are coming from all my friends are married with their own families and go out in couples so don't get invited. Until 3 years ago My mum lived with me and I was her carer but at the age of 86 she died.
    Sometimes I am very lonely - I can be in a busy place - but still feel lonely.
    However I do drive and am thankful for that.
    Its strange isnt it that perhaps there are more of "us" than we thought
    Cath
  • chris7
    chris7 Bots Posts: 2,696
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thanks Tracey, Barbara Tilly Elizabeth and Cath

    Tracey, I would love a little dawgie but working 8 hour shifts wouldn't be fair on a little mutt and being in a one bedroom box doesn't help. I also have no idea how long I will be mobile for which worries me. Little critters can't be taken on lightly. I fostered cats for a year when their owner was abroad but that was a while ago.

    Barbara, bless ya love, I have just emailed you but hope you are coping and the grandchildren has a good Easter hol.

    Tilly weird isn't it, why should we think we have done something to be punished for but there it is! :???: Yes going out can be an effort. We used to have a meal out from the shop once a month but morale is too low at the moment as we are threatened with closure.

    Elizabeth. Sorry you still having a rough time there and thanks for the kind words. Hey I submitted my email for Olympic tickets but who knows if I will be mobile enough to get there? :???:

    Cath thanks for calling in, perhaps I am not so odd after all? Just on a real downer lately and not likin myself very much. Sorry you lost your mum, I do understand that one. Lost mine at Easter when I was only 19 so maybe that another reason for my earlier whinge.

    thanks again all for calling in.
    take care
    Chris
  • bubbles
    bubbles Member Posts: 6,508
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Chris, I am glad that you posted your thoughts and feelings, we are all far apart in most cases, but, we have a common goal, to help, support, have a laugh and listen to others on the forum. This is one place where I have found that people are not "up themselves" or try to get one over the other person, or end up falling out in lumps.

    I know life can be lonely at times, I remember when I was younger, with my parents work, I, being the only one, was left to my own devices, I am not talking neglected, but I was happy in my own company for the most part.

    I am glad that you Sister phones you regularly, family contact is important, but, so often there is conflict amongst families, instead of contact. I know it can be difficult to find new friends, but there will be local meet and greet evenings, sometimes the dining ones, where everyone takes turns to cook for a few people.

    I don't know if you would want to offer any voluntary work, a lot of people I know work for local charity shops, or hospital shops.

    I hope I am not prattling on, if you are asleep I won't mind :roll:

    I guess there is an argument for both corners, quietness and contentment is precious and I have found that I sometimes feel more alone in a crowded place and have to leave.

    Take lots of care XX Bubbles
    XX Aidan (still known as Bubbles).
  • ironic
    ironic Member Posts: 2,361
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Chris,
    I hope you are feeling a little better tonight; you would be good at being a tourist guide I bet that couple where glad to meet you.
    I have friends who are now on their own and they all say the same, it’s the evenings that get them down especially during the winter months.
    Life can change so quickly and none of us know what the future holds for us, so I can understand how vulnerable you can feel. It is so hard when you working and having Arthur to contend with too.
    I am sorry that the book shop is still under a cloud, it would be nice if the monthly outing came back.
    You know I have made friends just by chance meetings, at the bus stop or sat at the right place at the right time, so I hope this happens for you too. we used to have a dining club near us, I wonder if there is anything like that near you?
    Good luck with the ticket application,
    Gentle hugs,
    Lv, Ix
  • skezier
    skezier Member Posts: 11,333
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Chris,

    I know what you mean and if I think about it I also feel a total failure actually and confidence.. I really don't have much and a lot of people and I just curl up inside.....

    When my first partner died I was so lonely even though he wasn't home much cus he was a matlo. I struggled with it and working all the time for at least 8 hours and then o/t (which you had to do cus of a huge mortgage that between us wasn't a problem but singularly it was) didn't leave time to get out and meet people... besides I was so lost back then.

    I had the confidence though... my ex was the one who smashed that :wink:

    I am happy parley cus I stepped off the real world and got the chance to dream chase, how ever much a failure, and make a difference( how ever small) to the animals that humans have so damaged.... like the voluntary work thing its time consuming and at least you kinda get a feeling that you are being of some use to something.... Does that make sense?

    Then I met my ex :lol: Oh that was a very costly mistake in so many ways :lol:

    I couldn't have kids. I saw that as both a punishment and failure (and still do) the oa I don't remember if I did see that as a punsihnment but the crohns i did... I thought it was cus of what was happening to me..... I had a lot of counselling and then a dream and my Nan was in it and told me I was never alone..... not been lonely since.....

    I am also 50 something and totally alone cus family to me are best avoided and very scary people..... Its got an up side though Chrissy!

    We have to do things cus it has to be done and it keeps us going..... I know if there was someone I would be less likely to still be walking about challenging the bones every which way... they will win mind but I go down fighting.... cus I have too.... not cus I want too....

    Kinda stitched my self up stepping off the real word eh?

    Hey my old councillor told me the reason I have such an infinity with feral animals is cus I also feel as they do.... think she was right but we are who we are and we can only work with in the boundaries the inner you puts out.....

    I just rambling here and not helping but i do understand and had I not stepped off the real world I would be as lonely as hell but in my own world I am not...... You hang i there and the clubs Barbara and i have said about might be a good idea for you maybe? You have always got this lot you know .. don't forget that flow4r. Some of the best friends I have ever had have come from the forum! ((((( ))))) and some best Cornish cream... shall we have it on a bit of bread with some jam? Love Cris xxx
  • tkachev
    tkachev Member Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Chris i really want to go to Olympics but have nobody to go with. Today is the last day for ticket application. I decided I would have to watch it on the box so I won't really be missing out. Years ago i went to see the World Gymnastics championships in London (before R.A). I made a massive effort to go last minute and in the end it was so worth it. i even got a smile of Ludmilla Turischeva!!!! So I hop you do go and have all those lovely memories to hold on to.

    Best wishes
    Elizabeth
    Never be bullied into silence.
    Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
    Accept no ones definition of your life

    Define yourself........

    Harvey Fierstein
  • tillytop
    tillytop Member Posts: 3,460
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hello Chris

    Hope you have managed at work today.

    Oh yes, weird indeed, blaming ourselves but you are certainly not alone in that feeling, irrational though it is. Sorry shop morale is so low and that closure may be on the cards. That certainly can't help matters. Do you think that you might be able to encourage the work people to go for a meal out, despite the situation? It might actually serve to cheer everyone up a bit maybe?

    Thinking of you.

    Love Tilly xxx

    Ps: Elizabeth - I remember Ludmilla Turischeva - she and the other gymnasts of her time were brilliant weren't they?
  • tkachev
    tkachev Member Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Tilly,
    She was but my fave was Olga Korbut. Ludmilla was a judge that day but I was lucky enough to be in the seats behind the royal and top bods(they tried to put me up in the stands but i told them I was scared of heights)and i caught her eye and smiled at her first.

    E x
    Never be bullied into silence.
    Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
    Accept no ones definition of your life

    Define yourself........

    Harvey Fierstein
  • tillytop
    tillytop Member Posts: 3,460
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh yes, Olga Korbut. And Nadia Comeneci. I soo wanted to be her when I was littlle! And how lucky you were to have such a good seat!

    Tilly xxx
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 29,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Chris :grin:

    Good to see you.... sorry you had a lonely weekend after recovering from all that work. Typical that you spent so long in pain and recovering. That's what part time work can do to you eh?! :roll:

    Once my Dad died my Mum found herself MOST lonely on bank holiday weekends an by the heck have WE had and are we having our fill of them just now....the world seems to shut down.

    I loved the story of you in the T shirt it made me laugh Chris.... :lol: you did your bit anyway well done. Glad you also chatted to those holidaymakers when you went out. Your attitude is right l am sure to make friends - tis not you. You keep putting yourself out there as you are and you will find there are others who are alone too.

    Love

    Toni xx

    (who talks to Daisycat too Cris :wink: )
  • chris7
    chris7 Bots Posts: 2,696
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi all

    Bubbles, yes the forum has been a lifeline for me and I am so glad I stumbled across it. Tho' when I am too far down I let it lapse which is a bit silly I know. :???: I am always amazed and grateful for the kind words and support.

    Ironic, I do believe in chance meetings, but why oh why do I have to wait soooo long!! Pehaps they are like buses eh!

    Cris, you ramble away, you always make sense to me, I know you just get some of my thoughts and you dream chase in lieu of us less brave souls so good for you flower. Want some bestest fudge? It is flying off in all directions at the moment.

    Elizabeth Oh lovey, I couldn't think of the Olympics unless I had a sis a hop and skip away in Kent who has a credit card a bit sturdier than mine! :roll: Glad you got to see some of your idols, loved Olga such a little cutey. If I get my tickets I could cross so many things off my bucket list. Getting to Wembley and Wimbledon would be good but oh to see some gymastics, cycling, athletics in THAT stadium. Woudn't that be something. :grin:

    Tilly work was ok today bless you, though I guess I should manage my two days this week. I gather there is something on the telly on Friday so I shall be watching and waving me flag. :grin:

    Toni, yep Bank Holidays can be too quiet but hey in the putting myself out there. :shock: Guess who has only been to only 2 local AC meetings and is now apparently the spokes person and a star of our Amble for Arthritis publicity winging it's way to our local paper! How the duce did that happen! Me and my big mouth again!! Did extoll the virtues of THIS forum though and the helpline staff so I hope perhaps it will help others. So perhaps I am supposed to wear tee shirts eh! :lol:

    Take care all and thanks for the support here.
    Chris
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 29,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    That's you then....

    you get to wear the T-shirt :lol:p0106.gif

    and be famous :lol:

    l only been to one meeting.....with Rose(s) was too cowardly to go alone :oops:

    You giving out autographs?

    Love

    Toni xx
  • Dottydoodah
    Dottydoodah Member Posts: 169
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Chris

    I have been busy last few days and missed this thread. I just wanted to add to what others have said really.
    I know just how you feel. OK, i do have a husband but hes not very talkative ( he reckons hes the strong silent type :roll: )

    When we moved back to UK from Australia 2yrs ago, we moved to an area I had never been to before. Its a lovely place, but i have found it so hard to meet new friends or get a social life. Various reasons i guess. When your kids have flown the nest you dont have school stuff to meet mums. I am now in so much pain its hard to walk anywhere, so joining activities and things like that is out of the question. Who wants and invalid dragging behind them!!
    Sometimes i feel so lonely its like a physical pain. Other times i just accept thats my lot.
    Its a shame we are all so far apart. We could keep each other company.

    I do hope you manage to find some friends.

    Big hugs Nicki x
  • chris7
    chris7 Bots Posts: 2,696
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi to anyone browsing this way.

    Work was okish today and I am finally bouncing back so all is wellish as it can be bless you. Sorry for being a bit of a grump and being awol lately.

    Hey Toni, you send me your email on pm and I can send you a piccy of me in me tee shirt! :shock: :lol: Though it was taken in my sadly neglected little garden by the man who did the talk at the AC meeting on gardening!!. OMG I was so ashamed but as the only one still working they had to come to me.

    Nicki bless you lovey.
    That is twice you have posted support for me in such a kind way when I know things are not easy for you at the moment. Forgive me but I have only just been catching up with things here and haven't been posting much. As a relative newbie I welcome you, sincerely thank you and hope you find the forum as helpful and supportive as I have. Good luck with your scan and I hope things improve for you soon.
    take care

    Chris who is finding her :wink: again.
  • skezier
    skezier Member Posts: 11,333
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Chris,

    really glad to see you finding her again :wink: Its easy to slide and I think most if not all do it.

    there is no such thing as awol here flower... less I do it when I say it as well :lol::lol: In my case it covers a lot of emotional turmoil and horrible life syndrome :roll:

    So come on then where is this pic...... I'll trade you but my t-shirt seems to be a promotion of horrible life shampoo... still can't ditch it :lol:

    hey remebr to pace your self cus I am a cautionary tale to what happens if you don;t.........

    You take care and hang in there... friends can come along out of the blue at times. ((((( ))))) and a cuppa with half that energy bucket and a good duvet day draft. Cris xx


    Oh Nicki,

    that's not so easy. Fitting in in a new place can be hard and pain makes it harder. leaving you a ((((( ))))) and a hope you too find some good friends. You have some here and don't forget that. Cris xx
  • madwestie
    madwestie Member Posts: 383
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Chris, I am glad you are starting to feel a bit better and i am kepping my fingers crossed for the right one to be just round the corner for you, so keep looking...

    Nicki, you could always ask about the activities, depending on the sort they may be quite happy to have you along(even with your unique abilities, i believe that we all have lots of abilities that we should promote the disability bits well are just a pain in the bum sometimes quite literally.)
    I go on some bird walks very slowly with my crutch i am lucky as the people who run them have experience of inflammatory arthritis but if you don't ask you never find out.
    i did some with a group where a lady had fibromyalgia and it was completly understood that if she didn't turn up on a day then that was ok.

    Tracey