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Dear Anyone

mummybmummyb Posts: 1,276
edited 2. May 2011, 11:29 in Living with Arthritis archive
Hi guys, after months of being okish I'm in the middle of a huge flare, its affecting both feet and ankles, both knees, both hands and assorted fingers, thumbs and hand joints, both elbows and both shoulders and neck. This morning came the stark reminder of the reality of living with RA. I couldn't walk without the help of my hubby, virtually holding me up, he had to help me into the shower and wait whilst I washed, he helped me out of the shower and back into the bedroom, where he had to help me to dress. I had a doc's appointment for a steroid jab, hubby had to help me into and out of the car as I couldn't put weight on either feet or hands. I couldn't say which is more painful, trying to stand/walk or sitting wih everything throbbing and just generally hurting..... a lot. I haven't been as bad as this before and hopefully the steroid jab will help to damp things down in the next couple of days, plus I start on injeted mtx this week due to the horrendous side effects I had taking them orally.

I have struggled with my feelings about all of this all day, not really being able to find the right person to talk to about it. I felt very embarassedand humiliated this morning having to get my hubby to help me with the most basic of personal needs. He was happy to help and did so with tender loving care, whilst I felt helpless. I've been quite scared as this flare has been gathering momentum for a week or more reducing my mobility each day.

I know that things will feel easier in a few days once the steroid kicks in and usually I try not to dwell on this but today I feel so sad, I could cry.
I knew it would be ok to let all of this out here and I know there are plenty of people here who understand how I feel.

So thanks for letting me get this off my chest and heres to a better day tomorrow.

Thanks a lot, love and ((((()))), Brenda xxxx
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Comments

  • skezierskezier Posts: 12,150
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Brenda,

    Oh flower I am so sorry to read your post and know you have this horrible flare running.

    I know you are feeling so bad about having to be helped so much but he doesn't mind and you would do it for him if he needed. That said I do know what its like as long ago I had to rely on my then partner and mother (that's wasn't good) for a lot of help with dressing etc and its a horrible feeling but they do it in the same way you would them.

    I so hope the steroid jab will help you and help you soon Brenda and all I can do is send you a ton of support and hopes. Leaving a ((((( ))))) and I really do hope you soon area lot better. Love Cris xx
    g045.gifg045.gifg045.gif
  • caterina57caterina57 Posts: 1,424
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    So sorry that you have this horrid flareand I hope that the meds kick in soon to give you some relief. I can understand your embarrassment and anxiety at having to have help with your personal care but as cris says you would have done the same for your other half if they were in the same situation.
    In the meantime take care and rest until things become a bit easier hopefully it will soon pass but we are here for you in the mean time
    Cath
  • mummybmummyb Posts: 1,276
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Cris and Cath thanks for your support and understanding, yesterday was such a low point with the realisation of how things can be, but today is another day and hope fully I'll start to feel beter soon.

    It is so important to me to know that you guys are here and understand, love and hugs to you both, and Thanks so much for being there.

    Brenda xxxxx
  • seamonkeyseamonkey Posts: 323
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Brenda,
    Im so sorry your in the middle of a bad flare just now. ITs such a good job your Hubby is able to help you with your care needs. I understand totally how you feel about accepting his help. Not what any one would want their other half having to do. I have had Occupational Therapy in and they have made it easier for me to be more independent. Its a relief to know that i have the things in place to help me when i get bad. Would you benefit from this too? I no longer have to rely on kids and OH to help so much, which in turn boosts my mental well being.
    I hope your steroids kick in soon and your not in so much pain and discomfort.
    Wishing you all the best
    seamonkey
  • chris7chris7 Posts: 2,890
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Brenda

    Oh my love, so sorry you hit rock bottom there and it was such a long tough day for you looking at the time of your post! I hope the steroid jab does help for you and that you are getting some rest today to help it work. Can't add to what others have said but I am listening and I hope the sun is shining in your bit of Yorkshire today :grin:
    take care
    Chris
  • barbara12barbara12 Posts: 20,660
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh Brenda...Im so sorry you are suffering like this......I can feel the pain in your post..
    Thank goodness for OHs ....I know it not nice to have then do certain things...but I am glad you have him to help....hopefully the flare will subside very soon..Arthur really does make me swear....I am hoping your meds start to kick in very soon.
    You take care
    Sending you loads of very gentle hugs (((((()))))
    Love
    Barbara xx
    Love
    Barbara
  • margareth64margareth64 Posts: 148
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Brenda
    Im sorry to hear your in the middle of a flare up, hopefully the jags will improve thing quickly. Sending you lots of love and gentle hugs.
    XOXO
    Margaret
  • jillyb1jillyb1 Posts: 1,725
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Brenda , don't feel bad about needing your hubby's help , as everyone has said to you ; it really is part of loving someone to be happy to care for them when needed . My husband is my full time carer and I would be helpless without his cheerful love and care . We get through any embarrassments involved by giggling about some of the ridiculous situations we find ourselves in . Try and rest up and hopefully your jab will start to ease things up . Jillyb
  • bubbadogbubbadog Posts: 5,852
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Brenda, I totally understand how you feel having to ask your husband for help, I'm in the same boat! When I have a flare up the 1st thing you do is ask your OH for help and you feel so use less and you OH just automatically gets into help made does everyhing for you without a word, and all you can do is sit/lie their and watch! You just wanna scream! Am I close to what you feel? Cause that is exactly how I felt a few weeks ago when I had my last flare up. And now he is feeling aweful after the sausage gate accident! dropping frozen sausages on my foot and ended up in A&E so he's the one who is feeling use less now! :lol: If you ever wanna talk please message me and I will message you back. It's all right your not alone with these feelings. You could also ring the help line I did and they where great really helped me. But if you would rather message me please do so. Take care. Amanda. (bubbadog).
  • frogmortonfrogmorton Posts: 25,130 ✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Dear dear Brenda

    l am so so very sorry you feel so dreadful :sad:

    l so know the feeling....l fear it coming back like that so much....yopu WILL cope you will, but if you feel like crying you can do that too...

    A good bawl might help actually - l'm sure it releases endorphins or something like that and anyway saves hubby getting it all.

    The pain is indescribable isn't it :sad: but the jab is going to help very soon. You have to get as comfy as humanly ppossible take all the meds you are allowed and ride it out until it does.

    the most careful and gentle hugs from me to you and to your husband too

    Love

    Toni xx
    Love

    Toni xxx
  • ScarletScarlet Posts: 40
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Brenda

    I can't really add much to what the others have said, so I will just send a mental hug your way instead.....oh, and I just realised that rhymes haha. Well what do you know, I'm a poet and I didn't know it (*groans*)

    I'm glad you have a very supportive OH and I hope you start feeling better soon x
  • tillytoptillytop Posts: 3,460
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hello Brenda

    Sorry, come late into this thread but just wanted to say how sorry I am that you are having such a dreadful flare. Like the others, I've been where you are, needing help with the most personal things and the sheer indignity of it just adds insult to injury doesn't it? So glad you felt able to share how you feel on here and hopefully it helped just to know that we understand.

    Really hope that steroid kicks in soon for you Brenda and that the flare subsides.

    Thinking of you.

    Love Tilly xxx
  • minky67minky67 Posts: 2,479
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Brenda, Im sorry to read that your suffering at the moment.
    Im keeping my fingers crossed for you that the steriod jab helps & the MTX jabs sort you out.
    Its hard to rely on others but sometimes it has to be done. I know i hate to ask for help & feel so useless when i do.
    Take care & im sending healing hugs your way & a hope that you feel better really soon
    luv debs
  • bubblesbubbles Posts: 6,508
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Brenda,
    sorry to hear that things are bad at the moment hun, rest assured that you are in our thoughts, sending gentle hugs winging their way to you and yours. Arthur is so cruel and causes so much more than pain, it exposes vulnerability and sometimes dignity and pride - I and so many others know how you are feeling.
    I am sure that the meds will kick in soon and that you will be able to move about with a little more ease. Take lots of care, rest now, or Matron will be there and no messing. XX Bubbles
    XX Aidan (still known as Bubbles).
  • mummybmummyb Posts: 1,276
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Wow, to say that I am overwhelmed by the many responses to my post is an understatement. Thank you so much for all your words of advice and wisdom and for your kindness. it is such a comfort to know that there are others who uderstand exactly how I'm feeling and many of you captured my feelings exactly. Yesterday was a particulalrly low day, today has been a bit better and had my first mtx jab today, so far so good.

    Thank you for the offers to pm, I might take you up on that! Once again BIG thanks and lots of hugs (((((<3))))) Brenda xxxxx g10005.gif
  • skezierskezier Posts: 12,150
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I think I might have missed you Brenda but a (((((((((( )))))))))) Cris xx
    g045.gifg045.gifg045.gif
  • dreamdaisydreamdaisy Posts: 31,565 ✭✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    One of the things that arthritis brings is the experience of new lows. It's all part of the steep learning curve involved with this pestilence, we struggle with the uncertainties of it, the tiredness, the pain, the gradual erosion of what we can manage on a day-to-day basis and then comes along the degradation and humiliation (just in case we don't have enough to cope with). It's a beggur, isn't it? I hope the injected meth does the business, I hope the flare dies down soon and that your RA is once again under something that resemble control. Empathetic OHs are a wonder, aren't they? I remember Mr DD having to help out in the bathroom with personal matters: he had to hold my left leg out straight and, bless, would stand there with his eyes closed and his headphones firmly inserted to give me some privacy. A clothes peg also appeared once! Find the humour as and when you can, it's the only way. Hang on in there, Brenda, it will pass - all things do. I wish you well. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • valvalvalval Posts: 15,897
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    hi sorry it taken me so long to get to this but not been doing to great on pain front so much going on in life so little energy. but wanted to tell you know where you are coming from we think we have our heads around arther then he sends a curve ball to make us realise that we not as in control as we want to be and it having to rely on others that gets to us so much giving up some of our independance but be strong it will pass and then you will be back incontroll of your life leaving buckets of hugs for you val
    val
  • roses1roses1 Posts: 1,893
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Brenda,

    I am sorry to read you are going through a really bad flare (((( hugs))))
    It is awful isnt it? pain, not being able to do anything and then having to ask someone to do things for us. We are lucky to have someone to turn to but it doesnt make it any easier for us to ask. I have cried that much too.
    Hope your feeling a little better today ? We do get up and down days and think we will never feel any better, but we do get better days, thankfully.

    Take time out and rest up ((( hugs)) hope you feel better soon.

    Rose x
  • mummybmummyb Posts: 1,276
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi guys, just wanted to say another big thank you for all your kind and wise words, they have helped me a lot and I have read and re read them, savouring the sentiments and advice and smiling at the humourous anecdotes. I seem to have been to quite a dark place this week and have found it to be quite scary. Things are starting to dampen down a bit now, my feet are still problematic but thankfully everywhere else is now bearable. Thanks for putting up with me as I have found this is the only place that I can be truly honest about my feelings. I have been accused of losing the plot this week by one of my grown up daughters, it felt a bit like an accusation and didn't help in the circumstances, it just added to the pain. I looks like my experiences are about par for the course and to an extent that is reassuring, I truly wish you all well and if I can help at all and be there for any of you, it would be my privelege to do so. Thanks and best wishes, Brenda xxxxx
  • frogmortonfrogmorton Posts: 25,130 ✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Brenda

    So glad to haedr things are picking up slowly but surely.

    Flares are the vilest things on earth and yes this is the one place you can be as you are for sure.

    We will not judge you ever!

    and why ever would you NOT have lost the bloomin plot??????? it has been agony for you :sad:

    I know though that she your daughter cannot be expected to understand the pain you have suffered.

    Thanks for the update

    Lots of love and hugs

    Toni xx
    Love

    Toni xxx
  • dreamdaisydreamdaisy Posts: 31,565 ✭✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Flaming families. They know how to gently slide in a knife then turn it with just enough force to cause a really, deep wound that only you can feel. It's amazing, isn't it, how those we think would be there for support and encouragement can suddenly show a completely different face - usually because they are not addressing their own fears. That would be my take on it, mummyb, she has her own fears and worries for the future, both hers and yours, and she reacts with wounding words. It's one of the lesser attractive traits of the human beast.

    We know what it is like and we do understand. Use us as a sounding board for the bad stuff but don't forget we are here for the good stuff too, whenever it deigns to turn up. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • ironicironic Posts: 2,386
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Brenda,
    I am sorry to hear you are going through such a bad flare at the moment. Fingers crossed that the mtx injections work for you ASAP. You must be shattered and it is no wonder you are feeling so down.
    I am lucky to have a husband who is always there for me too. God bless them. He had to get me out of the bath a couple of weeks ago. Felt like a beached whale but we laughed so much it took twice as long for me to get out of the bath! :lol:
    Gentle hugs,
    Lv, Ix
  • mummybmummyb Posts: 1,276
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi guys, here I am again, made a big effort to go out today and my hubby, son (aged 6) and myself visited a petting farm where we had a lovely time, we called into the local carvery for a roast dinner on the way back, we had a lovely, lovely day. Just wanted to share this with you all. Onwards and upwards I guess, here's to more happy days. (fingers crossed well as crossed as they can be!). Hope you have all had a decent weekend. love and hugs Brenda xxxxx
  • coco67coco67 Posts: 2,441
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    ive just seen this brenda.

    im glad things ar finally improving for you and you managed to have such a lovely day, ((((()))) and fingers crossed you keep improving.
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