Sad Times

queenfan

Hi everyone, Yes I know I haven' t posted for a long time, but I have had lots of things going on at the moment so doing a lot of bottling things up :roll: But this evening I have heard some devastating news I haven't worked now for over 19 months but still employed with the school I worked at, one of my colleagues dropped some paper work off this evening, which she gave to my husband, then told me that one of the ladies that worked with me committed suicide, It has knocked the stuffing out of me I can tell you, She was a lovely lady who I had a lot of time for I know it sounds ridiculous, but I wish that I could have done something so this hadn't happened, I suffer with depression myself & know she's been low for a long time because she used to talk to me about how she was feeling, I never let on to her about how I was feeling because I didn't want her to know that I wasn't strong enough to help her, I just wish I'd been at school to talk to her.
I just feel I've let her down, sorry for babbling on, I must try & get some sleep. I hope everyone sleeps well Night all god bless xxx

madwestie

Queenfan, that was a real shock for you, you can't blame yourself she was obviously in a very dark place and felt there was no other way which is very sad.
you did you best for her when you could by listening to her even though you were not in a good place yourself which is very brave a selfless, she knew you were there for her.

Love and hugs
Tracey

stickywicket

Queenfan, madwestie is quite right. You are in shock. It's terrible when someone we know well dies suddenly, let alone in this way. Even with a natural death we all have a tendency to ask ourselves what more we could have done. With a suicide all that is magnified to enormous lengths.

There may well have been things that this lady did not tell you, or things that happened in the 19 months you've been unable to work which changed her situation from very bad to unbearable. Also, if someone is determined to kill themselves they will manage it no matter how much help is on offer.

Of course you are going to go through all sorts of emotions yourself but don't let blame or guilt play any part. You did what you could when you could. There was nothing more you could have done. Some things are beyond our control.

Please keep talking through how you feel either with those near you or with us or both. Don't try to push the whole thing to one side until you've dealt with all the negative emotions you must be undergoing. If you feel it might help, your local Samaritan branch will be used to taking calls from bereaved friends and colleagues.

I'm so sorry this has happened. Keep in touch whenever it'll help.

barbara12

Hi Queenfan
And its lovely to have you back with us, what you are doing is exactly the same has had you been there...you are grieving...this stage is the if only...whatever happens ..you have to go through this.
We lost a very dear friend of ours, we had been friends for over 30 years, and suddenly one day we got the call that she had committed suicide...so I have gone through this awful time, but you will come out of it the other side
Has for you bottling things up, we are always here to help one another, so when you feel up to it come and talk to us,or even have a good rant.
You take care of yourself
Here's some hugs to be going on with ((((((()))))

Poppyg1rl

Hi Queenfan,
I am so sorry, what an awful thing to have happened. I can only echo the excellent advice that you have already been given, and say you listened and were there for her while you could..that counts for a lot. We all look back and think was there something more we could have done when tragedies like this happen, it's perfectly natural. Please don't feel any blame or guilt Queenfan, you couldn't know the personal demons this poor lady was battling, I doubt very much anyone would have been able to help, as one of the wise forum members has said 'you can't stop someone determined to end their life' they are absolutely right.
Sending you all my love, strength and hugs, take care ((())) xxx

dreamdaisy

Suicide devastates those left, they wonder what they could have done, what they should have said, what they didn't say, what they didn't do. The answer, quite frankly, is nothing. That person has chosen that course and would have done so no matter what intervention. Do not sit there awash in self-recrimination. You don't need it, it will achieve nothing. DD

skezier

Hi Sue,

So sorry to read this and even more that it has upset you so much. Its never easy but she clearly meant to go and nothing anyone could have done or said would have stopped her.

I hope you are ok and please know there was nothing you could have done to stop her. Love and a ((((( ))))) Cris xx

constable

Hi Queenfan

I also have always suffered with deppresion and know exactly where you are and where you have been. At the moment you are feeling terrible guilt over your friend. You must not think for one moment you could have helped being there or not. You know yourself in full blown depression what anyone says to you does not help in any way, because you are ikn that hole, even if she had been seeing a doc she could well have still done it. At this moment you are in a very awful place but you can get yourself through. If ever you feel the need to talk just pm me and I will be here to listen.

Karen xx

frogmorton

My Dear Sue

you poor poor lass :sad:

Such dreadful news, but you probably couldn't have preveted it anyway you know even if you had been there. She may well have drained you more if you had been and you woudl have maybe felt even more guilt than you already do.

Suicide makes those left behind feel guilty Sue...it is a terrible thing - the mind tells you that the world is better off without you. Unfortunately someone who feels that way genuinely feels that is true and sometimes they can't be convinced otherwise.

Please do try hard not to blame yourself for this dreadful thing :sad:

Bless you and hugs to you too.

Love

toni xx

stickywicket

Hi there, Queenfan. How are you doing today?

Been thinking of you.

Take care.

carola

Queenfan, so sorry to hear this.

Easy for me to say but try not to dwell on the what ifs - in my experience, when someone has decided to commit suicide then nothing or no-one will stop them.

You gave comfort and support.

Grieve through this dark cloud and I hope smiles find you soon again.

Thinking of you, Carol

woodbon

I'm so sorry for you, it must have been a huge shock, I agree with what the others say. It's not your fault, it was her choice, which was very sad for all concerned. At least she's out of her worries and problems and can rest in peace.
Suicide all part of mental illness, which we still seem to be ashamed of, we should'nt we can't help it any more than having cancer or any illness. I hope you soon start to get over it, your thoughts are natural part of your grief and I'm sure you will come to see that. Lots of love Sue xxxx

Wonkylegs

HI Queenfan - so good to see you posting despite the subject.

I can't add any more to the wise words already written to you, so will leave you a basket of freshly made warm wonky hugs for you ((((((((()))))))))) along with a lot of love from me.

please don't be hard on yourself.

hugs
WOnky xxx

skezier

Hi Sue,

Just dropping you in a (((( )))). Cris xx

lindalegs

Hi Sue,

I am so very sorry that this has happened to your friend. Sometimes there's nothing we can do to help so please don't be hard on yourself.

Sending you hugs (((( )))) and love.

queenfan

Hi everyone, Thank you all for your messages of support,
I have been thinking all weekend,about how low my friend must have been, & I know in my heart it wouldn't have mattered how much support I'd have given her she had made her mind up this was the only way. :sad: apparently while I've been off work she seems to have been off work quite a few times & her doctor diagnosed her being bipolar, sorry if spelling is wrong, I haven't heard how she took her life, but she leaves a son & partner behind, my thoughts are with them
I hope everyone is keeping well, & not in to much pain today.
love & best wishes to you all, Thanking you all once again
Sue xx

stickywicket

Bipolar is a nasty disease, queenfan. Your friend must have been in a very bad state. It's a very, very sad business. I do hope you're now feeling less judgemental of yourself.

queenfan

You are right SW, it is very sad, one of my friends from school has just rang me about how things seem to be at school at the moment,
and I cant believe this, but the lady that always brought the lady to school who's just died, has not been in school today because her husband passed away this morning :shock: I just cant believe it, my heart goes out to her, She's not only lost her best friend, but now lost her husband.
Life can be so unfair at times.
Thank you for thinking about me SW.
Take care & best wishes Sue x

stickywicket

What can I say? I'm so sorry. Yes, life is unfair. I guess no-one ever said it was going to be otherwise. Some people just seem to have one thing on top of another while the rest of us sail through practically unscathed.

This is very, very sad, Queenfan, but try not to let it get you down. You have enough on your plate.

ironic

Hi Sue,
I am sorry that you have had two shocks so close together. It is heartbreaking and my thoughts are with you and with your two friends and their families.
Gentle hugs to you Sue,
Lv, I x