Shaving is impossible

thepolyglot

Hi. I don't know how to help an elderly relative who lives alone and who refuses all outside agency help. He has the use of his index finger and thumb on both hands, but the rest of his fingers are bent round to the palm of his hand. He cannot straighten them. He cannot move them. I have tried hospital, doctor, social services etc etc to get someone to help him get ready on a morning or attend to things like cutting nails and shaving. He won't accept ANY help and I have exhausted every avenue. I do quite a bit for him but I need help with this one. He cannot shave or wash properly. Shaving is the biggest concern, both because he looks like a vagrant, with clutches of his facial hair missing where he has made some contact with a shaver, and because it can't be helping his mental health to be unable to do something like shave. Please, is there anyone who knows of an electric shaver specifically made for people who have difficulty using their hands? I have had a look on the internet, but I haven't been successful. If anyone can help, I would be really grateful. Thank you.

stickywicket

Whew! That's a tough one, polyglot.

First thing that comes to mind is he's lucky he has you but it's hard on you when, because he refuses outside help, all the responsibility then falls on you. I guess it's being so independent that keeps him going and he's scared of losing more than just his independence.

As a woman, I'm not very into shaving. It might be that some of the disability equipment sites might have something or, if you have a D.I.A.L. service in your area (Just google it) they're very good at suggesting things. Failing all else, think laterally - can you somehow make his reach longer by placing the shaver into, say, a close fitting box?

You don't say how you yourself are coping with all this but it can't be easy. Please feel free to sound us out on your own difficulties if need be.

julie47

Now you may think I have totally lost the plot here.....but...I have a lady shave (cause I am a lady) and the handle is long and curved. One of my hands is completely curled up but I prize my fingers round it and it is comfortable to use.

Now I know the lady shave and a mans shaver work completely different, they are probably not as close for one thing but.....if it makes him a little more tidy it could be worth a try looking at them.

You Gentlemen ..... stop laughing.....at least i tried .

juliepf x

thepolyglot

Hi there - thank you so much for that. I know that facial hair will be quite coarse, but it might be worth a try. Can you buy them from Boots or is the model you have from a specialist outlet? Sounds like a regular ladyshave? Maybe if there are any gentlemen out there who have experienced the problem, they will post a reply. I the meantime, I will price a lady shave in Boots. Thanks again. x

elnafinn

Hi there

I would have thought that if the beard/facial hair/stubble is bad because of lack of care, why not get a mobile barber/hairdresser to call in, cut his hair and shave him as well or even partial shave and leave him with a manageable beard. I would have thought he would need a wet shave first of all if it has been as neglected as you say. Then perhaps a battery shaver may be ok to use. I hope I have explained myself ok being female. :oops:

It is certainly a problem. When my dad was in hospital, unable to shave himself, a male friend came to shave him every day and trim his beard. What dedication.

Elna

thepolyglot

Brilliant idea - at least then he can start his new shaving life with a clean slate, as it were!!! Thanks for that x

woodbon

:roll: Hi, I used to be a care assisstant for 10 years, working for the County Council.
This is not an uncommon problem at all and carers are used to this reaction should be trained to deal with it. Thats the case in this part of the countr, a year ago when I was working.

The hard part is that unless your relative is severly mentally unable to make a decision, noone has the right to force them to do anything even if its obvious it needs doing. Forcing someone to have care is an assult and can get the carer into trouble legally not to mention job loss. Its all to do with your human rights and choice.
I think if you can get a GP or Occupational Therepist to say that the person is in danger because of unreasonable decisions then carers can step in. Also, where I worked, believe it or not I couldn't cut anyones nails until I'd been on a course and got a certificate!!! :shock:

Although this sounds silly, if you are dealing with diabetics etc who take a long time to heal it does make sense! Talk to your relatives GP, carer, nurse or social worker and hopefully they will be able to help you round the problem. Good luck and I hope this is of some help to you!
love Sue xxx

constable

Hi there, suggestion, go on line and you should find places like mobility shops. They should sell raizers for men with arthritas. Just a thought.

But also, I have been there, looking after my mum as I could in her last years and then my dad. I realised that you cannot do it on your own, you need help to. I had family, my husband and brother. You can always come on here but also you need to help for yourself otherwise you could lose yourself.

Karen xx

frogmorton

If he has the money then l agree with Elna - someone to do the job at home for him would be the best idea.

His appearance will be no doubt essential to his self esteem.

I hope you can sort something for him soon.

Love

Toni xx

PS the only other otion is to contact a private care agency in your area and pay the going rate for an hour a day or every other at least.

tjt6768

I can't really think of anything that hasn't already been said, just wanted to wish you the best & hope things get sorted..

lululu

I hate to say it but Woodbon is absolutely correct. There is a fine line between care and abuse. this person has refused outside help and until he has been assessed and deemed not to have capacity then how he lives has got to be his choice.

I would try to talk with his doctors again and if no help ring Adult Social Care, to express concern for the persons health and welfare. Ask for a home visit.

The person is probably afraid that he will loose his independance but maybe try to explain that if he accept a little help now it will help him to live more independantly without people bothering hilm all the time.
This is the saddest thread I have read on here it is something that anyone with elderly relatives dread and I wish you the best of luck with it.