Contact or Not

elainebadknee

Hi

I dont know what to do with a friend of mine. They are a really nice person but having spent last weekend with them, there was very little output from them at all. I went to a comedy gig and a meal out and found both hard work .
I dont hear from this person unless i text/email and im finding it really hard work trying to maintain the contact. Trouble is they are quite sensitive and ive tried to get them to open up, speak more about things, but the more I try the more they clam up...I dont get it, i thought the better you knew someone, the more open you would be?
The issue i have now is whether to keep up the contact or just let it fizzle out...I know this person doesnt make friends easily but i think youve got to help yourself sometimes too instead of retreating into your own shell.....
I know nobody is perfect, but ive tried so hard in this instance and am drawing a blank.....What would you guys do?

Elainex

alanthemanc

Elaine
You can't say youv'e not tried your best. What I'd do, is give it one last try, and if it's still the same, call it a day. I bet the couple of hours seemed like 8, you can only flog a dead horse for so long. Alanthemanc

valval

why are you pushing them to open up to you we are all different perhaps they are a private type of person who enjoys your company but does not wish to bare there all till they feel the time is right.
if you are making all the running why not tell them this is how you feel and sugest they contact you next. then you will know they wish to be with you and you are not forcing your self onto them (i do not feel you are but some people do not know how to say no) val

Poppyg1rl

Hi Elaine,
Would it help if you told your friend how you were feeling? or would it make the situation worse? It's a tough one, I think you've been a really good friend, maybe if they realised how hard you were having work at it, they would open up? Best of luck with it Elaine, let us know how you get on. X

daylily

Hi,
I would explain how you feel and they either accept it or not. At least you would know one way or the other and the decision to keep up the contact would be up to them then.
take care
xx

constable

I think that you should tell them how you feel at the moment and that because it is you always contacting them your not sure whether they want your frienship. So you will leaving the next contacting up to them and see what happens. At least this way you will know exactly where you stand.

Karen xx

elnafinn

Hi Elaine,

Why not email, call, text and say that you enjoyed the weekend and then leave it for a while and see what happens. If she does not contact you in any way at all, in say three months, or however long you think sort of normal with this relationship you have with her and then decide if you wish to continue contact her or call it a day. You can still keep in touch with birthday and so on and that way you do not lose complete contact if that is what you do not wish to happen but you do not always want to do the runnning..

Elna x

joanlawson

Hi Elaine

Friendship is a two-way process, and it doesn't work if it's always one sided. I would be inclined to leave it for a while to see whether your friend contacts you. I think Elna has given you some sound advice.

Joan

tkachev

Hi Elaine,
If they are sensitive it wouldn't be nice to hurt them by pointing out how hard this friendship is for you. They probably don't mean to be so shy and find it difficult to know what to say. Maybe they have been put down in the past and have lost their confidence.
You are very good friend to try to include them and I think it would be nice to continue if you can. Having said that I know it is a difficult evening for you and you probably won't look forward to making more arrangements. I like the suggestion of e-mailing them to thank them for coming out for the evening. You can still email them so they do not feel left out.
Its the people who put you down I avoid.

Elizabeth

elainebadknee

Hi Alan

Youre right...U have tried very hard with this person, to make things funa and interesting but the input from them is nil and it really tires me out....It was a long weekend...

Elainex

alanthemanc wrote:

Elaine
You can't say youv'e not tried your best. What I'd do, is give it one last try, and if it's still the same, call it a day. I bet the couple of hours seemed like 8, you can only flog a dead horse for so long. Alanthemanc

elainebadknee

HI Val

Well i dont try and prise information out of them alll the time just sometimes try and get discussion going......I have said in the past that I would like them to suggest things but its to no avail....It seems everything we do its my ideas....

Elainex

valval wrote:

why are you pushing them to open up to you we are all different perhaps they are a private type of person who enjoys your company but does not wish to bare there all till they feel the time is right.
if you are making all the running why not tell them this is how you feel and sugest they contact you next. then you will know they wish to be with you and you are not forcing your self onto them (i do not feel you are but some people do not know how to say no) val

elainebadknee

Hi Poppy

I have said to this person and have tried different ways for them to open up, be at ease...Trouble is they are terribly stubborn too and have such a strict regime that cannot be flexible which makes spending time with them hard when they wont meet me halfway...

Elainex

Poppyg1rl wrote:

Hi Elaine,
Would it help if you told your friend how you were feeling? or would it make the situation worse? It's a tough one, I think you've been a really good friend, maybe if they realised how hard you were having work at it, they would open up? Best of luck with it Elaine, let us know how you get on. X

elainebadknee

Hiya

I think it may well come to that, or i just give up contact.

Elainex

daylily wrote:

Hi,
I would explain how you feel and they either accept it or not. At least you would know one way or the other and the decision to keep up the contact would be up to them then.
take care
xx

elainebadknee

Hi Karen

If i left it like that then months would pass, if was up to them but im running out of ideas and now not finding them interesting at all now...

Elainex

constable wrote:

I think that you should tell them how you feel at the moment and that because it is you always contacting them your not sure whether they want your frienship. So you will leaving the next contacting up to them and see what happens. At least this way you will know exactly where you stand.

Karen xx

elainebadknee

Hi Elna

Well i could do that, i mean last year we didnt send birthday cards, she never sent me one and i forgot to be honest......I have tried with her, suggesting things or interest as she sees nobody else apart from work colleagues and parents, brother down south...

Elainex

elnafinn wrote:

Hi Elaine,

Why not email, call, text and say that you enjoyed the weekend and then leave it for a while and see what happens. If she does not contact you in any way at all, in say three months, or however long you think sort of normal with this relationship you have with her and then decide if you wish to continue contact her or call it a day. You can still keep in touch with birthday and so on and that way you do not lose complete contact if that is what you do not wish to happen but you do not always want to do the runnning..

Elna x

elainebadknee

Hi Joan

It is and it was when people asked me how the weekend was, what we had done, what this person liked etc and the answer was blank, so and so did nothing, didnt express interest in anything...

Elainex

joanlawson wrote:

Hi Elaine

Friendship is a two-way process, and it doesn't work if it's always one sided. I would be inclined to leave it for a while to see whether your friend contacts you. I think Elna has given you some sound advice.

Joan

elainebadknee

Hi Elizabeth

Thats how i feel. After last weekend when i made effrots to go to comedy gig - this person looks very young and got asked proof of age at reception, she wouldnt open her mouth so i ddi, i mean she looks older than 16!! Other thing was when we went out for meal i changed, she just pulled on an old creased t shirt, trainers she'd had on all day...I was embarassed...At meal she would only ask for tap water and vegetables with meal and she is one of these people who concentrates fully on her plate and scrapes it clean i was really cringeing in my shoes!!
I try to get her interested in keeping contact with old colleagues, uni mates but she wont and they seem nice people.....
I am exhausted trying now...

Elainex

tkachev wrote:

Hi Elaine,
If they are sensitive it wouldn't be nice to hurt them by pointing out how hard this friendship is for you. They probably don't mean to be so shy and find it difficult to know what to say. Maybe they have been put down in the past and have lost their confidence.
You are very good friend to try to include them and I think it would be nice to continue if you can. Having said that I know it is a difficult evening for you and you probably won't look forward to making more arrangements. I like the suggestion of e-mailing them to thank them for coming out for the evening. You can still email them so they do not feel left out.
Its the people who put you down I avoid.

Elizabeth

elainebadknee

Del

I kinda feel its my responsibility...She says she doesnt make friends easily but she gets on with me...We had a laugh at first but now its like watching paint dry..So much so when she left last sunday morning i breathed a sigh of relief...

Elainex

delboy wrote:

I admire your persistence, personally I would just let the 'friendship' run it's natural course which most likely be non contact.

elainebadknee

Hi

yeah I know, its difficult but youre right..

Elainex

delboy wrote:

elainebadknee wrote:

Del

..So much so when she left last sunday morning i breathed a sigh of relief...

Elainex

To me that doesn't sound like the friendship is working if you feel that way. Time to let go?