For ladies only
joanlawson
Member Posts: 8,681
When you visit a public toilet, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. After waiting for ages in the slow-moving queue, you eventually get in the cubicle, only to find that the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants :shock: You would hang your bag on the door hook if there was one, so you carefully, but quickly drape it round your neck.
You'd love to sit down, but not having taken the time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, you assume the ''Stance.'' In this position, your arthritic knees begin to shake, so to take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. Then you remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday- the one that's still in your bag ( the bag round your neck that you now have to hold up, trying not to strangle yourself at the same time ) That will have to do, so you crumple it in the best way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail.
Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your bag, and you topple backwards against the tank of the toilet. ''Occupied!'' you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, while losing your footing and sliding down directly onto the toilet seat. It is wet, of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late; your bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life-form on the uncovered seat because you never laid down toilet paper on it- not that there was any, even if you had time to try.
By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl and spraying a fine mist of water that covers your bum and runs down your legs and into your shoes.
You are soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You are exhausted. You try to wipe with a sweet wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously. As you leave, a kind soul at the end of the line points to a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you needed it? ) As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since used and left the men's toilet. Annoyed, he asks, ''What took you so long, and why is your bag hanging round your neck?''.................and that's when the fight begins :roll:
This explains why women go to the toilet in pairs. It's so the other girl can hold the door, hang onto your bag, and hand you Kleenex under the door.
Joan
You'd love to sit down, but not having taken the time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, you assume the ''Stance.'' In this position, your arthritic knees begin to shake, so to take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. Then you remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday- the one that's still in your bag ( the bag round your neck that you now have to hold up, trying not to strangle yourself at the same time ) That will have to do, so you crumple it in the best way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail.
Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your bag, and you topple backwards against the tank of the toilet. ''Occupied!'' you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, while losing your footing and sliding down directly onto the toilet seat. It is wet, of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late; your bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life-form on the uncovered seat because you never laid down toilet paper on it- not that there was any, even if you had time to try.
By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl and spraying a fine mist of water that covers your bum and runs down your legs and into your shoes.
You are soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You are exhausted. You try to wipe with a sweet wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously. As you leave, a kind soul at the end of the line points to a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you needed it? ) As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since used and left the men's toilet. Annoyed, he asks, ''What took you so long, and why is your bag hanging round your neck?''.................and that's when the fight begins :roll:
This explains why women go to the toilet in pairs. It's so the other girl can hold the door, hang onto your bag, and hand you Kleenex under the door.
Joan
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Comments
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Spot on Joan!!!!!!! :eek:
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Oh Joan ---I thought it was only me! I am so relieved to know that this is happening to others. You have made my day!
Cath0 -
OMG Joan you know me so well :oops: :oops: that was brilliant Love
Barbara0 -
OH MY GOD so when I went into town today and waited and waited to go into a cubicle who's door wouldn't open and banged shut on me after a cry of "Occupied" followed by splashing water and several screams...
IT WAS YOU!!!
Not really LOL I didn't go into town today, Joan, promise!
Nxx0 -
these days always make sure have tissue in pocket because sods law there no toilet roll like to use pub toilets they usually have toilet roll and are warm did enjoy reading it why are the floors always wet and why do others never flush valval0
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I suppose we really have to be grateful that we've got any public loos left with all the cuts. I've been to some terrible ones abroad- just a hole in the ground in some cases :shock:
I get very annoyed in some places like theatres though. There are never enough toilets for women, so there's always a queue out of the door. If you need to go in the interval, you've no hope of getting back for the start of the second half.
Life is much easier if you're a man, but you already knew that girls, didn't you :roll:
Joan0 -
yep we did but would rather be a lady than bloke any time we just so great val0
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Oh Joan I really did have a weekend like this.Went to a do in Cheltenham, horrible toilets, only 2 out of 4 working, run out of paper so drip and dry, wet floor(there was a hook for the bag thankfully). Around 1 in the morn I found precious toilet roll in one of the 'broken' toilets which I posted under door to my friend and left for the rest of the thankful queue!
In the morn we girls had to use the blokes loos. I was in 1 cubicle when I heard a guy come in and I had to give him Girl Warning as I was leaving said cubicle.Yuk!
ElizabethNever be bullied into silence.
Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
Accept no ones definition of your life
Define yourself........
Harvey Fierstein0 -
Hi Joan,
I have had that happen to me before, also one time got locked in one, and had to scrabble over the top to the next one.
But, I have to say today, you really got to my silly side. The way you explained the event unfolding by the last paragraph I was crying with laughter. So I have to say sorry because it was a serious matter, but it's the first time I've anyone has made me laugh that much, it did me good.
I am sorry.Karen xx0 -
At pubs or clubs, if I've had couple of drinks, I'll just nip into the gents to use the cubicle - it's generally clean because they use the urinals, there's no queue and I get sole use of the mirror to reapply my lippy. No one's ever complained, if anything, I get a smile when I tell them there's no way I'm queuing for the ladies' and they don't mind, do they??
Nxx
PS - perhaps that was too much information??0 -
Love it Joan...you always make me smile!.....and boy I need that (smiling that is) lately! x0
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Like I said, no one's ever complained! You are funny, Len!
Nxx0 -
Joan , that did make me smile
Juliepf x0 -
I think we ladies have all had to cope with situations like the one I described at some time or another, so I'm glad if it made you smile.
Nina, I hope that you avert your eyes when you emerge from the cubicle in the gents :oops: 0 -
hahahahha made me laugh thanks xlove and hugs
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I don't avert my eyes do you Nina? I hear they locked the loos on Sunday morning(I had gone home by then). I can imagine the desperation....
ElizabethNever be bullied into silence.
Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
Accept no ones definition of your life
Define yourself........
Harvey Fierstein0 -
LOL Elizabeth! And of course I don't avert my eyes - I work with firemen - nothing they could do or have could possibly surprise me :shock: Wimmin in the fire service and truly wimmin of the world
Nxx0 -
:shock: :shock: :oops: 0
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I just read that Joan and laughed out loud - how right you are!!!!!
l also wonder if it's the reason our Tony decided to start a men only type thread.....jealousy...shear envy
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theres is not half as entertaining is itval0
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valval wrote:theres is not half as entertaining is it
Nope
they lack that je ne sais quois....
sadly 0
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