advice

valval

ok i am 50 my older brother about 53 the advice i need is this. when i see him i feel he looks down on me, now do not get me wrong it nothing he says just his tone of voice and body languige. i could be misinterpetrinh it but it gets right up my nose and makes it hard to spend time with him he has always had good jobs where he is boss to lots of people (till this government he voted 4 stopped funding to his last employers) now he is signing on and gets under £3 a week i think he lucky to get this. so saw him at dads yesterday and he could not leave quick enough think he thought i was in the way perhaps i was but had only arrived 10 min before them and it was 35min walk up so was in no rush to set off home. so how do i sort things just ignor them and hope he grows up eventually or message him how i feel any ideas welcome val

jillyb1

All sounds very familiar , Val , I'm 55 and brother is 4 years older . My brother is slim , healthy and very , very wealthy . I am podgy , wheelchair bound and definitely not wealthy ! I feel , as you do , that I'm an inconvenience and that I upset the ideal of a perfect fit family . Luckily , now that I'm older , I've pretty well reached the point of thinking , " this is me , accept it or do something nasty to yourself " . It's sad that these things happen but quite frankly there's a lot to be said for the saying ~ you can't choose your family ! Accept your brother's hurtful behaviour as unfortunately that's who he is . Jillyb

valval

well do tend to think to myself that he still has to go number 2 same as us and wipe his own (i know common as muck that me) must be being older that does it younger brother much better off but as normal as you and me bless him

oneday

hi Val
i sort of thought of this from a totally different angle- i may be wrong as not there to get vibes but just reading, heres my thoughts...
your brother has probably showed off over the years and now he has fallen he probably feels embarrassed as now in same boat as everyone else, or thinks you may treat him like hes treated you???

katknapp

hi Val
i sort of thought of this from a totally different angle- i may be wrong as not there to get vibes but just reading, heres my thoughts...
your brother has probably showed off over the years and now he has fallen he probably feels embarrassed as now in same boat as everyone else, or thinks you may treat him like hes treated you???

I was thinking the same thing,After all you are now in the position, if you wanted, to give him a taste of his own medicine...whats that saying?...Oh how the mighty have fallen....And maybe he thought that was what you were going to do...not that you would,my sister in law is exactly the same seems to forget that she grew up on a council estate the same as her brother and myself,she has the hyacinth bouquet syndrome lol

constable

Oh Val, I have the same problem. I am 52 the end of this week My younger brother(is only 45) has always fallen into the right job, now he has a successful business on the internet. He works a lot from home and since our mum and dad have passed away, he can be quite cutting in what he says,(he is a bit of a snob as well) I actually tell him what he has said or done, and I must admit it works very well, he holds a lot of this feeling tightly inside. Now he looks to me and I look to him.

Karen xx

valval

i must admit he is looking hard for work and getting no where. i would never look down my nose at any one else, we are all different and that what is needed if we were all the same it would be a boaring old place thanks for the advice it always helps to see things from different perspective val

NinaKKang

Perhaps now he's seen what life has been like for you, Val, with less money and not such a luxurious lifestyle (not that there's anything wrong with your life), you can show him how to behave and be the better person? Maybe this situation will bring you two closer together?

Nxx

valval

been giving this some thought and i do not think he even realises how his atitude affects people. he owned a shop employed my oh (did warn him what brother like but he said will not be like that with me) yep you got it he will not spend much time with my brother now makes life interesting at family get togethers he went out of the way to give him a job and the hours he wanted if it was not for his atitude he would be lovely person i feel he wants to be liked but just does not remember how to interact with others he spent to many years telling people what to do. well will give him the benifit of the dought and see how it goes he is finding things hard at the moment so would not kick him while he is down and it could also be my atitude to him that at fault i could be sending negative vibes will have to work on that and see what happens val

barbara12

Hi Val
You are doing the right thing, I have two brothers one younger and my older one passed away two Christmases a go.
I had a big fall out with my eldest brother, and we didnt talk for two years, then he came to live nearby, and slowly we got on with one another.
But I sadly only had 3 years with him before he died, and those years we got on better than ever.
So try to stay talking at the very least
I think he may realise what is important in life...well hopefully he will.

NinaKKang

I think he's lucky to have a sister like you, Val

Nxx

valval

NinaKKang wrote:

I think he's lucky to have a sister like you, Val

Nxx

thankyou bet he does not see it that way bless him

NinaKKang

People often don't realise when they know someone really special, Val... I have the same problem

Nxx