Can I just say??

suzygirl

When I come to this forum, to see new psots I have missed I click the last visit nread icon.

This means I get all threads on whatever forum, which I enjoy. however therr seems to be such a lot of diagrremnt and upsety on here. Is it just me?? I get such a lot of support from on here, I would hate to stop visiting. Anyone know any way to chan ge this?

I don't know why peoiple think, that just because they have artritis no one is going to disagree with them?? Come on peeps, if you don't want different views. why join a forum??

I don't know about anyone else but the constant diasgrreemtns ahve an i,mapct.

suzygirl

P.s am expecytin g tobe banned or ignored for such unpopular views x

Poppyg1rl

Suzy,
I agree with you it's not nice, ive been coming here since Nov last year and never known the forum to be this bad before.
I hope that as we all have a common enemy 'ARTHRITIS' we can pull together, expect that everybody is entitled to a different view and respect that.
Life is too short to spend it in discord.
Love and healing hugs to all Xxx

dreamdaisy

People fall out, 'tis one of the characteristics of being human. Some are more tolerant than others, some can take the supposed knocks that others cannot, some have a sense of humour, some don't, etc etc etc. Typed words do not reflect the tone of voice or facial expressions of the typist - the emoticons are there to help with that, but not everyone uses them. Just because we are all under the general umbrella term of 'arthritis' doesn't automatically mean we are all going to rub along beautifully together. We're human - we won't. Our personalities will be as varied as any other group of people, healthy or otherwise.

It's taken me a long while to learn not to post so much, or not at all, when the pain/tiredness/stress is too bad. We are all at different stages with our various arthritic afflictions and I think that sometimes that doesn't help. What should help is that we all felt or feel very similar emotions to each other at one time or another, that is where we can help one another.

The forum is an organic thing, thanks to the people that take part. I reckon we all have people we feel some empathy with, those we find annoying, those who exasperate and those we ignore - in life and on here. Unfortunately life isn't all beautiful and lovely - hells bells, us of all people should know that! It seems to me that all of us on here have our unfair share of rough times and that will always be a tension underlying LWA. We are people who are not that well: we are tired, in pain, sometimes tetchy and fractious. There usually isn't a reason to fall out or get cross with each other but people will and people do. It's called life. DD

tillytop

Hello Suzy and Poppy and DD

Suzy I don't think for a minute you will be banned for your post! And I think you have probably just put into words what many of us have been thinking - me included.

Things have not been pleasant on the forum recently and it does sometimes make me feel I don't want to come on here - which is a shame because not only do I enjoy it, but I really value the support I get - and being able to support others.

In terms of what can be done? I think that all of us need to think carefully about our posts and our responses to the posts of others, in terms of what we say, and how we say it. I believe everyone's contribution is valuable and we should respect that - and I believe that it is possible to disagree with someone else's point of view without being rude or unpleasant about it. As you say Suzy, we don't all have to agree - and wouldn't it be dull if we did? But in my view, perhaps the most important thing is for us to remember that we are all here because we are struggling. I don't know about everyone else but, when life is difficult, I tend to be less resilient, more sensitive and and more easily upset. So, if I feel I can't make a useful or positive contribution to a post, I tend to go away and come back to it later, rather than typing an immediate response which might upset someone.

This has happened before on the forum though and it usually does settle down but I think if we were all more respectful of each other, things would be easier all round.

Thanks for starting this thread Suzy. Will be interested to know what other peeps think.

Love Tilly xxx

frogmorton

Hi Suzy

l totally agree with you!

I don't like arguing and upset...when people disagree on a public forum there is one thing missing from a normal disagreement and that is people's faces..we don't know if people genuinely ARE hurt by what we have said.

The other thing is that the written word IS open to misinterpretation by the reader based on their own perception.

We don't know if the reader is really poorly that day or upset by something else etc.

Please don't think you will be banned - because you won't! You haven't said anything wrong at all.

Love

Toni xx

Anyway all l care about is the 'new' person who comes to the forums, like l did scared and desperate for help, a row is going on say..... they might back right off as they feel too vulnerable to post and risk an argument :sad: .

coco67

i have been a member for some time now and barely post any more compared to what i used to. its a shame and not nice. i have considered leaving, like many have all ready. i dread to think what any new comers think, the number of people posting has dwindled. i can only assume it is because of the unpleasant vibes. i keep hoping it will settle down again.

constable

I am sorry but I agree with Coco whole heartedly. I haven't been here long. And I do feel sorry for new and people wandering whether to join ro not. I think if I was wanting to join I would have had second thoughts, as it is I am wondering what to do, go or stay.


Karen xx

stickywicket

Oh shift, I’m now in full examination of conscience mode!

I’ve only been aware of a couple of ‘incidents’, to both of which I contributed after a great deal of forethought – and self-censorship! But I’ve not been aware of people disappearing from the forum. A certain amount of coming & going is normal, especially at this time of year. I had actually thought there seemed to be lots more arriving – and hanging around.

Pain is not conducive to clarity of thought and, paradoxically, when we are most in pain we are probably most likely to resort to the keyboard, as the more physical stuff is out of the question. Tolerance is essential but can be difficult in such circumstances. I think we all muddle along as best we can in our – sometimes very – different ways.

This is one of the reasons why we have the Moderators who seem to me to have everything under control. Can’t we just leave it to them?

keith1971

You can't please all of the people all of the time.

People generally have very different outlooks on life & how they cope with things in times of stress or illness.

If you don't like what someone has said, don't respond. Simple really.

liesa

ignore the bad and enjoy the good... if the post goes off track for whatever reason, bring it back .... just enjoy many many people in the same boat as yourself i expect and there is far far more quality posts then negative/arguements
xxx

jillyb1

Surely a forum is a discussion , and a discussion is a sharing of contrasting and differing views ! It would be very tedious if everyone had the same thoughts and opinions ; having said that , apologies if I've upset anyone , certainly not my intention . Jillyb

cherrybim

I haven't seen any derogatory posts on the forum Suzy but maybe it's on chit chat which I don't view? However I have experienced peeps venting their spleen on other forums, not arthritis related.

I do believe that anyone who is in excruciating pain, whether it be physical (like us who suffer from the miserable pain of screwmatics) or those who have a deep mental pain can turn from the sweet natured pussycat to a roaring tiger ad libitum.

Those whom I've seen having a b**** as it were on other forums I've always wondered whether sitting beside them, giving them a hug and saying "C'mon tell us what you're really worried about" would ever help, probably not. The idea is a bit too altruistic is it not? :oops:

I'm no perpetual pussycat by any means and when I feel the red mist coming on I hold a reel of selotape in front of my mouth! That sends the message to my OH not to say a word just in case I whack him round the head with a frying pan. Not likely to happen, I couldn't even get the darned thing out of the cupboard

I've found great support and encouragement from this forum and the lovely kind peeps who post so please keep posting yourself

suzygirl

I have really enjoyed reading everyones views on this. Apologies for my shockingly bad typing last night, my hand wasn't working yesterday.

I have valued the support from people on here, and try to support others. I suppose I do just like peace, more so since being unwell. Maybe it is just me and I need to take a step back? :?: One of the things I do enjoy about the forum is getting differing views, it is how you learn. I have picked up some great tips along the way.

I certainly don't expect everyone to agree. I have to admit when tired or in pain, I am a lot less tolerant, and have to censor myself!! :shock:

I was exhausted when I posted last night, so maybe that impacted on my mood? I shall carry on as I have, I think.

elnafinn

cherrybim wrote:

I haven't seen any derogatory posts on the forum Suzy but maybe it's on chit chat which I don't view? :

It would appear the "upsets" are usually on the CC Zone. When I joined the forum there was no CC zone. Having seen the forum with and without this zone, I know which I prefer.

Elna x

dachshund

Hi Suzygirl.
i'm sorry if i've upset anyone. i love this forum its helped
me so much if i read somthing that i think is a bit wrong i feel sorry for the person thats wrote thinking they are in pain.
i dont want anyone to leave we all need this forum and the lovely people on it.
joan xx

barbara12

Hi Suzy
I have seen alot of changes in the 20 months I have been on here, but like you say lately there have been quite a lot of bickering....I hate to think that people feel they cant post, or new ones seeing the bickering.
Hopefully things will calm down.
I like what Toni says, we are not talking to people face to face, so you do have to be careful, its not nice to be hurtful, much better to support one another.