Putting yourself first !!

weejean

Hey everyone

I am not having a good day today !!

I am due to go into hospital three weeks tomorrow to have both my hips replaced on 5th August. I am also on the 48 hour cancellation list so I guess the phone could ring anytime. I asked you guys for advice and you were all there to support me, telling me to get organised and put myself first as I need to prepare myself and be ready when the time comes. At this point I am so disorganised and not at all ready

My Mum hurt her leg last Monday and it has gotten worse and she was taken into hospital this Monday. I have spent the last ten days running around (I use that term loosely) like an idiot, going to visit Mum in hospital, bringing her everything she needs, checking on her house, looking after her dog etc etc. I am exhausted, my own house is badly needing cleaned, washing needing done, things needing organised for me going into hospital. I have two sisters and one brother but they seem to disappear whenever Mum gets ill. My husband is always trying to help others and is quite a handy man and there is a constant stream of family, neighbours etc getting him to help out with all their repairs and stuff so has no time left to work in our house and garden. He really has a heart of gold and just keeps telling me that he will get around to doing our things soon but I feel as if I am running out of time. I am a very organised and quite a house proud person and it is really getting me down as I know that before my surgery it will be like a mad dash to prepare everything for me going to hospital. I am so sorry for moaning like this but I am starting to panic and although its not like me I was even in tears earlier on as I feel as if I am being bogged down and I just cant seem to make time for myself. I would love to put myself first and get myself ready for my surgery but I just dont know how to do this.

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

Love Jean

constable

Hi Jean

Don't panick, it will all work itself out in the end. Talk to hubby, he's obviously one of these that does not like letting people down. Tell him that you need him now. Get in touch with your brothers and sisters, tell them straight that they have to take over for a while.

If you don't get organised then just pack a bag with what ever you need, and when the time comes let them get on with it. You are going to have a while to recover, if the place is a mess, I've learnt, you just have to put up with it, not easy for us house proud ones but you can't do it.

I can understand how you are feeling. It is very hard to accept that everything will be out of your control. Do what I did, just when people come round to see you, simply say sorry for the mess. They will understand.

It is very hard but you have to let go.

I do hope that your mum is better soon.

You try and keep your pecker up. Just think how you will be later in the year when this is all behind you.


Karen xx

valval

first stop and take a deep breath now what are you priority's sort bag now then you r ready sort out brother and sister get them to chip in. now what needs doing in house that can not wait ???? bet if you look there not that much it just all the worry getting to you so stop breath and remember if it not all done it will not matter it always there when you come back to it the house cleaning fairy will not do it so stop worrying we will be here with you all the way and do not mind if kitchen floor been washed so long as there lots of tea on the go hugs val

weejean

Thanks Karen and Val

I just need to sort things out in my head and stop panicking so much. To be honest I am a bit of a control freak and realise that I need to let go as I have a long recovery ahead of me. My husband is my best friend and I know I can rely on him but its just that some of the people around us take both of us for granted and just expect us to drop everything whenever they need help. The only thing is that when we need help we are on our own. I have taken several deep breaths and dried my eyes. I will prioritise and get my bag ready and as you say if the house is a mess then it is a mess and people will just have to accept that I cant do everything. I cant tell you how much talking to you guys has helped me over the last few weeks and I know you will all be there for me before, during and after my surgery.

Love and Hugs
Jean xx

valval

hi jean it is hard to learn to say no to people but some times you just have to say it you are going to have to look after number one for a bit it your time so relax as much as you can remember to do somethings you like now before op sitting in garden while warm or what ever you enjoy have you got a book in your case, some wet wipes (it always to warm in hospital and you can use them while stuck in bed). cerial bars, fruit drops ,

weejean

Val, I am going to go for a day out with my hubby and kids as thats what I like doing best. I will put those things in my case, would never have thought of stuff like that. I have only had two other operations and both times it was only an overnight stay so I dont have any experience of being in hospital for a longer stay. Thanks for the advice its much appreciated.

Love Jean x

traluvie

Hi Jean..
just a short note asonly got one hand to type..
As the others have said i would pack bag now so that when you need it, it's there ready..Take a step back and look at how you can change things to suit you not everyone else..Regarding housework, i'm sure hubby will be able to catch up on loose ends when your in hospital..Will check back tomorrow.. big hugs(((((x)))))

weejean

Thanks Tracy

I feel much better now and am going to get my bag all ready tomorrow just in case I get a cancellation. Had a talk with my hubby and he has reassured me that he will cope with housework etc. I feel much more in control and not so panicked. Thanks everyone xx

weejean

Good morning everyone

I am feeling more positive today. I had a long talk with my lovely husband last night and explained exactly how I was feeling. He is so supportive and understanding and reassured me that everything will be ok. I also phoned my sister last night and expained that I wont be visiting Mum until tomorrow as I need to spend today in my own house to catch up with chores and organise a few things. She was fine with it and promised that she would visit Mum and do anything she was needing done. I spoke to my Mum as well and expained that I love her very much but I need some "me" time to get organised for hospital and also to spend some time with my hubby and the kids before my surgery. I think she understood and hopefully the rest of my family will start to do their part in looking after her. I am going to clean the house and catch up on my laundry, then I am going to get everything ready that I need for hospital.

Thanks again to you all for your support yesterday, it really helped me so much. What would I do without you guys.

Love and Hugs to all
Jean x

valval

try not to over do it today but know you will feel better when it all sorted good luck rest later hugs val

stickywicket

Jean, I am so pleased you seem to have taken some hard and fast decisions over all this. And that everyone seems OK about it. I think sometimes we can all slip into grooves and roles and, if your husband is 'the local kindly odd jobs man' and you are 'the family member who takes care of Mum', people will often leave you to it thinking it's what you want rather than from pure selfishness.

You really do need, now, to focus on yourself and your own needs, though. I always feel that the more I can plan in advance the more relaxed I feel when it all starts to happen. But you'll also need a lot of post-op help too. Don't try asking too much of yourself too soon. And do try, at least for the first few weeks, to let your husband run the house his way. If he's anything like mine, you'll hate it! But you'll need to keep your own strength for your recovery.

I think you're doing great.

weejean

Thanks Val, I know I will feel much better when I get the housework etc done. Think I will get a takeaway for dinner so I can relax later on

Sticky, I have always been the kind of person who just gets on with things, usually through gritted teeth due to the pain etc. I know that I have to look after myself now, especially after my surgery and yes I will hate the way my hubby runs the house but I should just appreciate that he will do it to the best of his ability. The more I look after myself the quicker I will get back on my feet.

Thats me had a wee rest and going to get on with housework.

Love you guys
Jean x