Hi, Welcome!

The community is a safe space for people living with and connected to arthritis to ask questions and share experiences. Get started by registering here and posting your first comment or question!

Sign In with a Versus Arthritis account

Dear milkman.......

joanlawsonjoanlawson Posts: 10,319
edited 4. Aug 2011, 16:07 in Community Chit-chat archive
Notes left for the milkman:

Dear milkman…

I’ve just had a baby, please leave another one.

Please leave an extra pint of paralysed milk.

Cancel one pint after the day after today.

Please don’t leave any more milk. All they do is drink it.

Milkman, please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops off the milk.

Please cancel milk. I have nothing coming into the house but two sons on the dole.

Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby and I’ve been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks.

Sorry about yesterday’s note. I didn’t mean one egg and a dozen pints, but the other way round.

When you leave my milk knock on my bedroom window and wake me because I want you to give me a hand to turn the mattress.

Please knock. My TV’s broken down and I missed last night’s Coronation Street . If you saw it, will you tell me what happened over a cup of tea?

My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it before you deliver or do I have to shake the bottle?

Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two months old and did not know about it until a neighbour told me.

From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don’t want any milk.

My back door is open. Please put milk in ‘fridge, get money out of cup in drawer and leave change on kitchen table in pence, because we want to play bingo tonight.

Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday.

When you leave the milk please put the coal on the boiler, let dog out and put newspaper inside the screen door. P.S. Don’t leave any milk.

No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either as he is dead until further notice.

Joan :grin:


  • rugbygirlrugbygirl Posts: 691
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    These have really given me something to laugh at. It has brightened my day
  • joanlawsonjoanlawson Posts: 10,319
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thanks Jaki. Not much of the day left now, but I'm glad they made you laugh :grin:
  • julie47julie47 Posts: 6,142
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thankyou joan

    I did enjoy reading those.

  • barbara12barbara12 Posts: 20,943 ✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    wonderful Joan.. :lol::lol: its takes me back to being to reliant on our milkman.. :grin:
  • weejeanweejean Posts: 361
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    This really made me laugh :lol:
    Big Hugs
    Jean xx
  • coco67coco67 Posts: 2,441
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
  • joanlawsonjoanlawson Posts: 10,319
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    barbara12 wrote:
    wonderful Joan.. :lol::lol: its takes me back to being to reliant on our milkman.. :grin:

    Me too Barbara :grin: When my twins were tiny babies, it was my milkman who gave me the best advice as to how to look after two babies at once. The health visitor was useless, but the milkman and his wife had one-year old twins, so he gave me lots of useful tips about how to cope. Those were the days :!: :grin:
  • bubbadogbubbadog Posts: 5,852
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Classic!!! Those are really,really funny! made my day as I've been feeling really low lately.Thank you. Amanda/bubbadog
  • Dugg104Dugg104 Posts: 8
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I love the last one, warped sense of humour coming through :roll:
  • mp1952mp1952 Posts: 425
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Loved them Joan.. Really cheered me up.

Sign In or Register to comment.