In my head or in pain

dotty123

I feel really lousy at the moment, I am so tired and drained. My hands hurt and now my knee's are hurting, my legs feel weak.. Am I getting paranoid or are things getting worst. I can wait for my review on the 18 th.. as up to now my hands have been the only issue.
But my whole body feels done in..
Is this arthritis thing going to my head as I am so freaked out by it and cannot come to terms feeling like this. I am so angry and miss my old lively party girl self...
But last night and in the night my left knee was killing me

Whats happening
I don't want this

dreamdaisy

It's the arthritis that is making you feel like this. The old you is still there but she will take some finding. The disease continues to challenge me with pain and has changed me in that I can no longer walk without crutches but the essential DD is intact and always will be. It's not in your head, you are not imagining it, this is arthritis and this is what it does. You will stay strong, of that I have no doubt. DD

mig

the same thing happened to me,just hands and feet first then shoulders,i had to give up knitting and crochet,now my knees kick in sometimes which makes me think "is it me" lef is now helping, i can crochet and knit but know my limits,some times i think why me then this little voice in my head says why not,im learning to accept what i cant change,talking to other forum members help as they know what its like.hang in there,thinking of you.Mig

Ankyspond

I amhaving a spell like this t the minute but with the support of family, friends and the great people on here you will be fine. Xx

hileena111

Yes, You will be fine....It takes some pulling through this thing called arthritis but we do it.....we all go through theses spells still but you'll learn how to cope

Love
Hileena

skezier

Hi Dotty,

The problem with this bone shift is that it has flares and burns depending on which type you have and it does make you feel like you do when its active. When it isn't its not so bad.

I hope before long they will get on top of it for you and help you both in pain and arthritic control.

There are good days and bad days Dotty for a long time before it becomes bad days and worse days so hang in there flowr and keep a list or a pain diary to take with you next visit.

Hope you will soon feel better. Cris x

weejean

Hi Dotty

My heart goes out to you at this time. I know how you feel and at these times we think there is no light at the end of the tunnel and we cant imagine living everyday with all the pain, stiffness etc. You are still the same person inside and your strength will come through, just be patient. We all have good days and bad days. You will learn to cope with the bad days and really enjoy the good ones. In time you will adjust to all the changes you are going through and will have lots of fun and enjoyment in the future, its not all doom and gloom. We are all here to support you and to listen when you need to get it all off your chest. Hang in there. Sending you loads of hugs xx

petals

It's a funny old thing this arthritis.

I find that when I am at work and distracted I switch off from the pain to a degree. I battle through the day and when I get home and kick off my shoes and settle down for the night I suddenly realise just how much my feet hurt. Then if I concentrate on each different part of my body I become aware that is is not just my feet, but my ankles, my knees, my shoulders my wrists and hands too.

I wondered if it was all in my mind for a while but I have since concluded that the longer you have this disease, you become acustomed to the pain and your brain learns its own coping techniques. In my case, my job is so demanding that I have no time to even think about my aching bits. Its only when I stop and rest that I realise, crikey maybe I did too much today.

Anyway, I dont know if any of that makes sense to you but the answer is, no its not in your mind but your frame of mind can affect how bad it feels. I hope you feel better soon.

Petals

julie47

Morning Dotty

Hope you feel a little better today and if not , I hope you do soon
Take care
Juliepf x

dotty123

Hi all, I so want to move in with all of you, as you all sound so lovely and we all got something in common. I don't want to share my pain , anger and frustration with the family, I don't want to ruin their lives and become a bore.

My left knee is defo hurting, feels like someone has kicked it feels bruised and tender. The bloody pain is always there >:( ...

Got appointment with my doctor tomorrow as I am back on anti- depressants and she wants to know how I am coping, my issues just don't end with Arthur.. lots of other added problems I am trying to deal with. But will try to tell her tomorrow how I feel, if she can spare the time to listen gggrrrrr

Take care all and thanks for the support and understanding

x

weejean

Hi Dotty

I know how you feel about going on to family and friends, they really dont unerstand and its not their fault. I am lucky to have a very understanding husband and I do talk to him a lot but I dont like to go on too much as I know he feels totally helpless and I dont want it getting him down. I think you are doing the right thing by going to your doctor, take your time and explain to her how you are feeling, after all thats what she is there for. Good luck with your appointment, I will be thinking of you xx

skezier

Hi Dotty,

Hope it will go well tomorrow for you and if you can menton the knee its better you do.

I know doctors don't like more than one thing at a time so they might say come back but with luck they will look at it there and then.

The sting in the tail of any long term condition is it takes you down with it.... hang in there flowr and with a bit of luck they will get the med side balanced for you and it will feel a lot better. A ((( ))) Cris x

barbara12

Hi dotty
You will get there my love, has you have read we all these up and downs, and yes we have spells of thinking its all in our head.
Dont forget we are always here.
You take care
And heres some hugs for you (((((()))))

dreamdaisy

The more you post, Dotty, the more you are with us and the more we are with you. Family does have to know, from time to time, how things are with us, but it is all too easy to become an arthritis bore. That is one of the joys of here - we can go on and on about it (and we do) and no-one minds. I had a policy of not telling Mr DD too much about stuff as he is not ill, he can't mend me (men like to fix things, broken wives don't fall into the 'fixable' category) and I did not want to drag him down with me. After an emotional explosion at Easter it turned out that he was feeling 'left out'. I tell him a little more now, but here still gets the majority of it! Stick with us, girl, we'll see you right. DD

dotty123

I am worried my husband won't fancy me anymore once I really start to look lumpy and bumpy. We only been married 5 yrs and together 7... he loved the wild girl in me.. the get up and go.. the impulsive one.. the sexy one ( not now.. too tired lol )
I know he loves me but when we got added pressure of other issues at the moment...
Sometimes I think I would rather do this on my own especially if I become really crippled down the line.. I 'd rather suffer in silience or at peace no-one got to look after me, I can do the ouch ouch ouch thing without boring anyone , or limp at pleasure ..

Got a bloody mess
no way am I gonna live with this for ever no way ..

weejean

Dotty, you are feeling exactly the way I felt a few months ago. I have been married for 8 years and it all got too much for me and I felt as if I was holding my husband back from doing things and I also felt that I wasnt a real woman anymore, well certainly not the woman he wanted as I used to be the life and soul of the party. I kept thinking that I wasnt attractive to him anymore and he would be better off without me. My hips are so bad with OA that they dont move anymore, I walk (well shuffle) in a very awkward manner, my hands are all lumps and my arms dont straighten, on top of that I have bladder problems which can be very embarrasing. I am 38 years old and felt that my live was over. I also felt that I would cope better on my own as I would be able to dither about my house and feel that I wasnt affecting anyone else. Oh how wrong I was!! I broke down one day and told my husband everything, he was shocked and didnt realise that I had any of these feelings. We talked a lot and cried a lot and let each other get everything out. My husband loves me because I am me and no matter what goes wrong on the outside, I am still the same person on the inside. My husband was devastated that I thought he didnt fancy me anymore and assured me that he loved every bit of me including the lumps and bumps. Sometimes we underestimate our other half and dont give them credit for loving us just as we are. If your husband took ill would you still love him?? Of course you would and you would want to help and support him through everything. I think you will find that he feels that way about you and as you learn to cope and adapt to things, he will learn to cope and adapt too. Please dont give up, there are so many people in your life that love you and through time you will learn to come to terms with everything that is happening to your body. I am sure your husband loves you very much and doesnt want to be without you. Take care and I am sending great big hugs your way xx

skezier

Hi Dotty,

Flower its not going to be as bad as you think! It really isn't.

You and your hubby will find ways round things and he loves you.

I know how you feel cus I also used to think hell i ain't living like this but then I fought back.... Its sadly part of the process I think most of us go through and there is another side to where you are now.

I live alone and I have multiple joint arthritis, with the pa and oa and a ? there are only about 3 joints for them to get..... and they are small ones.

I manage ad so will you.

You can't look to far ahead and you must keep a string on the imagination that can make everything seem so hopeless.....

hang in there flower and once the drugs are sorted you will feel a lot better about it all. (((( )))) and a bucket of hopes Cris xx

dotty123

Thank you again. I can't wait to see my doctor at the hospital and tell him all the changes in the last year. Although only dx-ed OA I do get worried about having RA..
I was told that there are no meds for OA .. is that right ?

Roll on the 18th .. I need to talk to my doctor, luckily this appointment has already been brought forward. As the hand therapist can't do any more for me than what she has and I am still waiting for an appointment at the pain relief clinic... bloody NHS.. wait wait wait and wait

As for talking to my husband ,, I just can't yet

tj66

Oh dear you are having a hard time x x x I'm really sorry that this is getting you so down-your story sounds just like mine-I was very low last week and couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Today I wonder if I imagined the pain as I feel different and not too bad.

What I try and do is really make the most of the good days, I know it's hard to see it when you're feeling so low but you won't always feel like this. Share your concerns with your partner and they will be able to reassure you. Your still you the person they fell in love with. My heart goes out to you it really does!

Tracey xx

dotty123

Today I went to see my local doctor , she has upped my anti-depressants. I was a bit annoyed at first as she thought I came across bright and cheery >:{ yes i do as my front.. but once I started to talk about Arthur I did break down and told her how freaked out I am about it and I don't want to be a cripple ( excuse the term I put that in - not the best with words ) don't know how other to say how worried I am .. I don't want to struggle anymore than what I do.
Tho she couldn't do anything other than prescribe me some pain killers.. co-codamal ( also warned about constipation with it.... great ) she just listened as I do have appointment at the hospital next week and its that doctor I need to talk too.

My knee has been killing me today my leg is so tired and heavy.. I am getting really frustrated with it feel like **** I really do

xx

dreamdaisy

Cocos can cause constipation but there are meds to help with that - I use Docusate and it's very effective. There are no meds for OA as such, just pain dullers and anti-inflammatories but when things get too bad there is always the chance of joint replacement (if the right sort of joints are affected) and that can make a big difference to the quality of life. Believe me you don't want the meds that are offered for RA etc. They are in a whole league of their own with risks and side-effects. I take some foul stuff for the PA, nothing touches the OA but hey-ho, it matters not.

None of us want to struggle any more than we already do, it is a downhill slide (for some it's a deal faster than for others, every one is unique in how fast they deteriorate with their versions of this dross) but you do learn to adjust and cope, simply because you have to. I cheerfully admit I am a cripple - nothing clears a path faster for me than a mighty bellow of 'Crip comin' thro!'. Works every time ( the crutches complete the visual element and remove any doubt) . Do I want to be a cripple? Of course I don't but the crutches are essential for walking, I cannot get far without them (and those distances are lessening as each year passes) but this is my lot in life.

It sounds as tho you only have the one leg that is troubling you at the moment, so invest in a stick and hold it in the opposite hand to the affected leg - you might well be surprised at the difference that little bit of support will give. I am in my fifteenth year of this and, luckily, have no history of good health to remember so I guess it's been easy for me to come to terms with this rubbish, but even so I struggle from time to time - the discovery that I had OA in addition to PA was a total shock, it dragged me right down but I am coming to terms with it now. There is no other choice.

You will find your way through all of this, don't talk to your husband until you are clearer in your own head. There is nothing he can say or do to help at the moment, he can support you (and I am sure he will) but you need to be better 'sorted' than you currently are. Talk to us, we will do our best to help - we know what this is all like. DD

dotty123

Thank you DD I am not ready to open up to my husband.. its all an act at home and no-one really knows just how horrid and how worried I am . I am 43 next week and I don't want to be treated like a 93 yr old yet. I try to hide my pain and grin through it.. I normally have a good cry in the bathroom as its the only hiding place I got.. Thanks for the advice of the meds I really don't want to be constipated .. I took Co co before after havin a ovary removed ... oh my god !! that was worse than the OP..
I took some pain killers earlier and they haven't even took the edge off gggrrrrr... gonna have a bath in mo with some oils, ginger , camomile and lavender..

valval

we all share on here it not easy telling those around us what it truely is like it would be admiting it to our selves and it takes some getting your head around i take co codamols for 3 days then have 3 off keep things moveing that way and fruit and juice val

Ankyspond

Dotty, reading what you said above is like reading something I could have wrote myself (about the arthritis), I promise we all feel like this at times.  I have AS and I am 43 and yes somedays I feel like a 93 year old but honestly you have to try and stay positive and I really know how hard that is (I don't always look at my posts) but I can understand exactly what you are saying.  I have been married for 22 years and been with my husband for 25 years altogether and I was the party girl, thin (not anymore), stay out all night etc you get the picture but all through life it changes whether it be in 25 years or 5!  I am sure your husband married you for you not what you did, I feel sure he will support you in anyway. It really is important to tell him how you are feeling, if you can't tell him let him read your posts, this disease really needs a good support network of family, friends and us on here of course! 

Don't get me wrong I am not telling you to do all of this and saying I do it all, I feel very guilty that my husband has had to change some things in his life because of my disease but the fact is he has changed things and he constantly tells me he loves me and supports me.  I also do what you do and 'mask' things in front of people and especially at work, although I am learning to stop doing this as much because we all need help sometimes.  I teach in a secondary school and some of the kids asked me one day what was wrong as something came up in a conversation and they have been amazing, they pull up a chair if I go to help them and lots of other things so don't underestimate people who want to help.  I think I can speak for everyone on here and say that all of us have a cry to ourselves and some mote than others (I am one of them), there is no harm in that but make sure you talk to others as well.  If I can help in anyway please get in touch.

I hope you get the help you need soon and start feeling better, I promise it will get better. Sending you lots of hugs and good wishes, remember "it's good to talk". Xxxxxx.

Ankyspond

Sorry I was rambling but wanted to get my point over, had to stop myself after a while. Xx

dreamdaisy

We all wear masks. On here we can be our true arthritic selves. DD