just a moan.... feeling low.

Melrymax

i have felt really down today and feel even worse as all i seem to have done is tell the kids and the dog off
first of all is my physio, i had a fantastic physio who was understanding and i felt like i could talk to and offload artur problems too, she went on annual leave so someone else has covered but she is now back and they havent changed me over and im not sure about the new one.
i am umming and ahhing about asking for some crutches/sticks as i cant keep putting my nearly 3 year old on the pushchair so i have something to help me walk. but i am the kind of person who just deals with it but am concerned about how doc/physio/family will react to this as to them i seem to be getting along but inside im throbbing.
i have been having some treatment to reduce inflammation in my hips which has made a difference but only a little. My better hip is starting to give me more agro and my bad one has been a little bit better than it has been but i am still very sore.
I cant talk to my family/doc/physio about this as i dont feel like they understand properly and i just feel like i am being daft!
in the shower shaving my legs and half way through one i had to stop and rest for a minute.
on my xray they said my oa was mild.... how does everyone cope with worse?
my old physio said if this treatment for inflammation doesnt do the job then the next step is an injection or a ortho refferal which will mean an op...i have 2 very young children... i cant be having an op on my hips! sorry to ramble, just needed to get it of my chest and have a cry xx

skezier

Hi Melry,

So sorry your having a bad day..... Its not easy is it and though i don't have kids to tell off I do dogs and other employers and they know 'mummy' ain't so good for sure.

I think a lot of us become the 2 or 4 headed monster at times and well I must go do the sheep but just wanted to drop you in a ((((( ))))) and a hope flower. hang in there and will have a think about this one as i fight with the wildest one for her coat Another ((( ))) and a cure all cuppa. Cris x

valval

can you not ask for your other physo back as you got on so well with her and trust her which is half the battle.
i know how you feel we all go through it and you will feel a little better for shareing with us. the injection is next step it does not take long but from what i have heard you need to rest for so long after it has been done and it works well for lots of people.
you do need to let people know how you are feeling if you do not tell them the quality of your life is being affected so much, they will not know. there are lots of things they can do so please go back to gp if does not improve soon you do not need to suffer like this if it does come to an operation it will be worth it to get your life back so get advice the help lines are always there val

hileena111

Hi,
You do need to let your faily know how you feel. if you dont they will expect a lot more from than you than you can give. They will expect you to be able to do things and wonder why you dont and it wont be their fault if you havent put them in the picture.
an you not ask to be referred to your original physio? I'm sure they would help out. As for sticks or crutches....if you think you need them and they would be a help go ahead and ask the physio dept for them...you shouldnt have any problems I have a fractured pelvis at the moment and as it got worse I thought I'll ring the physio dept and see what they say. I wasnt seeing them regards this.....just about OA and it had been a while since I'd been there. When I rang he said if you can pop up this afternoon I'll leave them with the OT and that was it. No problem.
Anything you need that will help you....think of it as a coping mechanism not as giving in and please talk to your family......they might be feeling very out of it although you dont mean to do that.
I have no kids at home now to shout at but i do have a cat and a poor hubby that sometimes gets it :oops:
Love
Hileena

skezier

Hi Melry,

You know they wont look at you odd if you ask for crutches or sticks. They are there to help.

I wondering if you could go for the injection cus it can have a really good effect.... sadly they are not guaranteed.

How do you cope with worse... flower you don't have the worst over night. OA is gradual and well you kinda adapt as it gets worse.... Your going to be alright flowr you really are.

Mine have fused them self up to some degree.... Is it better to have them done before that.... I think it probably is as mine will go on fusing and may do it in a way thats not so good to use....

They wont do mine now. I was chucked onto palliative care cus of funding and the fact there is too much wrong now. Kinda expensive

I cope, I don't have kids but I do have a lot of dependants and well its hard sometimes, its very hard sometimes but I cope... its what we do.

A friend tell me look at one day at a time.... its a good one that cus if you look too far ahead you really do see nothing....

You will get there and I promise you your going to be alright. Hang in there and a cyber ((( ))) as well as a better day today bucket. Cris x

dreamdaisy

Firstly, get the sticks. I find that crutches offer far more support than walking sticks (my knees and ankles are shot) and I cannot get very far without them now. On good days I can manage indoors without, on bad days I need at least one, sometimes two. They make a big difference.

Secondly, regarding a possible op: I can understand your concerns about the two young 'uns, but in the long run a new joint could make all the difference to your quality of life - and theirs too. A fixed-and-not-in-so-much-pain- Mummy is better than a not-fixed-and-always-grumpy-Mummy. (I am not suggesting that you are always grumpy, but that could well become the case as this dross develops.)

Thirdly: be kinder to yourself. You are doing a grand job of keeping it all together, but do let your OH/your parents/any other close family members know just how tough life is getting. Yes, we do have to put on our brave faces, we do have to try and keep going, we do have to be as positive as we can be but when all that starts harming us mentally and emotionally that bravery becomes self-defeating.

Fourthly, we are always here to listen. Take care. DD

stickywicket

Mel, I tend to agree with you that this is a ramble – the sort of ramble that results when we let the pain/bad situation run for too long so it just takes over. You now need help. No ifs and buts. I applaud you for being ‘the kind of person who just deals with it’ but you’ve dealt with this long enough. If sticks or crutches or any other walking aid will help, get some. It really doesn’t matter how others react. You’ve had to deal with it. So must they.

You say you can’t talk to your family, doc or physio but you really can’t keep shouldering this alone. Find someone you really can talk to. Talk to them and, if possible, take them with you to your next appointment.

You ‘can’t be having an op’ because you’ve two young children. If necessary, and it might not be necessary, you can. Mine were slightly older than yours when I had my first TKRs. They coped. Kids are very adaptable.

I’m really sorry if I’m coming over as hard but I fear for you if you’re going to try to soldier on indefinitely trying to protect others from your pain. It can’t be done. Of course you will shield them from some of it but they, especially the adults, need to know the score. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Let others share it. If they don’t understand it’s unfortunately down to you to make them. Have you tried the Spoon Theory? Google it.

I really hope things get better for you soon. Take care.

Melrymax

Thankyou all for your kind words and support.
Sticky you weren't harsh- I need to be told as it is. I like the spoon theory. Just home from work and catching up on some tv then off to bed and will have a proper chat with my husband then. He knows I struggle to be comfortable but that's about it lol.
Physio I will go to my appt on mon. Request some sticks and my old physio back. Once my parents have got over the stress of their party I will chat with my dad. My mum has her own problems of nerve damage in her spine and effects her legs. My mum was good the other week tho. I had a few very bad days where I was totally drugged up and still in agony and she arranged appointments/childcare for me. It was the first time I actually broke down in tears due to OA and it was in her work of all places lol

stickywicket

Melrymax wrote:

He knows I struggle to be comfortable but that's about it lol.

Time you two had a chat, then??? Bless you, Mel, we all do it but you're doing it in spades!

I hope things get better for you and soon.

weejean

Hi Melrymax

Its so difficult when you get to the stage of needing some help. It doesnt come natural to you as you just get on with things and everyone around you doesnt see the changes that you feel. It took me a long time to accept that I couldnt do everything myself and I went through hell rather than use things to help me or admit how bad things were to my family and friends. Please dont make the mistakes I made as I now wish I had accepted help and made things easier on myself much earlier than I did. You should feel comfortable talking to your doctor about how you are feeling both physically and emotionally and if you are not able to do this you should consider seeing a different doctor as it can make a big difference. I changed doctors and it was the best thing I ever did as the new one is fantastic, he listens to me and is so understanding. Ask for your old physio back, just explain that its not that the new one is not good its just that you feel much more comfortable with the other one. I have used crutches for 11 years now as I got to the stage I just couldnt walk any distance on my own and was scared that I would fall etc when outside. My crutches make me feel much more confident and I can go much further without so much pain and discomfort. I still usually manage around the house without them as I can shuffle about without tripping and theres loads of things to hang on to. I too was very worried about having any surgery, I have a son and two step daughters and felt I couldnt do it when they were young but I had elbow surgery 8 years ago and a toe replacement 4 years ago and we all coped just fine with it and it made a big difference to my quality of life. In 4 weeks time I am having both my hips replaced and although there will be a long recovery it will be so worth it as I will get my life back and be able to enjoy time with my kids again. They are now all teenagers and are so supportive with me because they have grown up knowing what my disabilities are. I believe it has made them very caring and understanding which is not a bad thing. Please talk to your husband and family, they will be there for you and will support you through everything, they cant help if they dont know whats going on. Sorry for going on a bit but its just because I have felt exactly the same as you are feeling right now. I am thinking of you and hope that you can get things sorted out so that you feel better able to cope and do things easier. Take care and stay strong xx

Melrymax

Well I had a chat with the husband and to the point of being in pain when for example trying to watch tv of an evening- and being uncomfortable he understands that bit as he broke his back 11 years ago and now has a wedge missing in his spine and suffers the not being comfy on the couch pain.

And then I piled all my other pain/ discomfort, worries and needs on him and I think he was lost for words as all he done was hug me. Which was nice and I appreciate it (I like big hugs and don't get too many of them). I asked him if he now understands how I really feel and apologised for being narky etc then the tramadol got the better of me and made me go to sleep!

weejean

Good Morning

Well done for opening up to your Hubby, its not easy. I really hope you have a wonderful weekend xx

frogmorton

Melrymax wrote:

Thankyou all for your kind words and support.
Physio I will go to my appt on mon. Request some sticks and my old physio back. Only one worry - will the 3 yr old walk nicely??? The pushchair keeps them in place at least???? Don't want you trying to chase one of them :shock:

Also consider the steroid jabs....ask about them too. They may make all the difference.

By the way you can have an op with littlies l did and l was a single parent at the time. Actually for a while back there they helped ME!!! lots of planning and freezing food etc. beforehand and a fair few micro meals etc. :oops:

Love and hugs

Toni xx

stickywicket

Well done, Mel! Telling it how it is is never easy but it has to be done – frequently, I’m afraid, when the person you’re telling is a bloke. The newly acquired knowledge kind of seeps out of the male brain. It has to be topped up regularly. Good luck for Monday. A physio will be easy peasy after a husband.

Melrymax

Well I had physio this morning and said that the machine doesn't seem to help too much. Only slightly. Didn't ask for sticks as she is putting me back to my original physio and she is reviewing me on Friday so I am going to do a pain map over the next few days.
I have been to Liverpool today with one of the lovely ladies of here and had a lovely time. I was very sore and now exhausted kids are both zonked out too

dreamdaisy

I'm glad to hear you have had a good day today with 'one of us'! Rest now and think happy thoughts. DD

Melrymax

Well had a reveiw today. Was offered NSAID injection into the joints. Apparently the majority of the pain I am having is not the actual arthritis but the weakness of muscles and ligaments around the joint due from the initial clicking an pain. I am not having the needles as I am not a huge fan of them lol. Maybe if it gets much worse I may.
I asked if sticks were worth while as on each trip out I am very quickly using the pushchair to support me but she said no as it will damage different muscles.
Have new/extra exercises to be doing and a review in 4 weeks.
And I have my old physio back!!!

stickywicket

I'm very pleased you've got the old physio back. I remember how much that meant to you.

I hope the exercises work. Even when I least feel like doing mine I always feel better for them. Let's know how you get on but do keep the NSAID injection as Plan B.