Family problems

woodbon

Hello, Firstly, thanks for the messages, it does help to know people are thinking of you.

The problems, things seem more stable than they were when I first posted. My niece has a husband who suddenly, my niece informed us was an alchoholic and his problems came to a head now, as he has got to have a liver scan to access the damage before they'll decide on his treatment. He also has other problems that are worse and I can't mention them as they involve others who are young. That should give you an idea. I can't seem to type or say the word to anyone except the close family.

Anyway after a few days of non stop phone calls to my niece and sister and treatment for the husband - 3 days in hospital can you believe- things are on a more even keel.

I seem to be so tired, without doing anything much and achey with my hands and feet painful and swollen, I feel as if I've been battered! I've spoken to the police at the beginning and they have given us an incedent number and sent a police woman round to see her and tell her although he can't be arrested, they will, as shes disabled, keep visiting at times and have given her husband a 'strict talking to'. We all hope that as he has been 'dried out' by the hospital and is accepting treatment, he has a chance to come through this and come to terms with his problems.

Sorry to go on like this and be so depressing, but I didn't want anyone to tbink I've lost interest in the forum, its just hard to concentrate at the moment. I hope you are all as well as you can be. This has tought me that oa and stress are linked, as I have had a lot of pain and stiffness since all this started. I suppose tension dosen't help. Enough for now, love Sue xxxx

valval

hi sue we all know there are us and downs in life and people can not always post so do not worry we would just wait till you came back you would have been missed but we do understand the affect stress has on arther.
i am so glad it all out in the open (well family) secrets like that can cause problems at least if you are all aware you can look for signs of all not being right and nip it in the bud.
am leaving you gentle hugs to help with aches and pains good luck we are here if needed val

stickywicket

Sue, of course you are stressed, tired, stiff and achey. You’d be superhuman if you weren’t.

I’m not sure I fully understand. ‘A good talking to’ sounds a very odd way of dealing with what I presumed you meant. But it’s you who matters most to us, and how all this is affecting you. If things are on a more even keel now I hope you’ll be able to relax a little and help your body to recover. Go easy on yourself. You need to build up your stamina and emotional reserves. I hope things get a little easier for you all.

jillyb1

You really have been going through it , Sue , would just like to send some caring , positive vibes to help you to cope . Jillyb

mig

thinking off you.Mig

Melrymax

Oh sue. Just to say am thinking of you and Hope you and your family come out the better end soon x

barbara12

Hi Sue
I have been thinking about you, family's eh, but I am glad that things are out in the open, and treatment can begin...I have been there with my brother it wasn't easy but he did get there in the end
Has for you, when things like this are going on we tend to forget about ourselves, please try to take a step back, and get some rest.
Sending you loads of hugs (((((()))))

woodbon

Thank you all so much, its been such a shock, no one had noticed his drinking or anything. When I've read things in the press that say the close family didn't realise anything wrong, I've never really believed it, just thought they'd seen it but shut it out, now I've been taught a big lesson and can see how wrong I am.

A family friend is also visiting her them and is able to offer my niece a wheelchair friendly refuge only a few houses away. She's so kind and its a relief to us as we live so far away.

Life never seems to play these little tricks, just when you think things are settling down! We'll get through, though I'm sure. Thank you all very much, my head is in such a state going round in circles! At least we had our holiday and lovely rest without worries, I'm learning to count my blessings and enjoy the good times, but not expect them to go on for ever. Like my OA, I thought I was fit with nothing wrong and had been hill climbing a year before! Still I've got the photoes to prove it!!! Love Sue xxx

madwestie

Sue, it is no wonder you cannot concentrate everyone on the forum will understand why you are absent and we will all be thinking of you and sending you lots of hugs and best wishes.
I hope things get sorted for both you and your neice

Tracey

nanasue

I'm so sorry to hear you are having family problems, it must be awful for you and the other family members, especially for the reasons you've given. I know it is hard to do, but now things are being "sorted" to a certain degree you should try to take a step back and give yourself some me time so you can get your health back to a better level, I'm sure they will understand. I'm thinking of you and sending good vibes and healing (((()))) your way, take it easy,

Sue x

skezier

Hi Sue,

Thanks for saying flower cus I had wondered where you were.

Glad things are on a more even keel now and so hope the liver scan will not show real damage.
Su they hide it so well at times. I worked for someone once who had bottles hidden all over the garden in varying states of fullness..... I don't imagine his family knew about too much there either.

My father was an alcoholic and he was never obviously drunk.... He just got nasty and did things he wouldn't have done sober but he didn't show he was actually drunk even though he would sink a bottle of wine and half a bottle of whisky every night....

You mustn't think you or your niece missed something, unfortunately they are so good at hiding it.

I just hope the scan will go well and it will have given him the wake up call so he stops. Sadly my father didn't till he was told one more drink would kill him.

If the hospital don't it might be a good idea to get him some out side professional help Sue.

Sorry flower I am not helping at all here but I just hate you thinking you missed something etc cus they are very good at hiding it.

Got everything crossed for you Sue and leaving you a hope, a hug and some spare cope. ((( ))) Cris xx

frogmorton

Oh Sue

you poor poor thing!

You have had a rough time of it and you've been coping on your own :sad:


HUGE hugs from me((((((((((((())))))))))))

Sounds as though they have settled things down up there, by the heck alcohol has a lot to answer for :evil makes me very angry the stuff!! Some people just cannot cope and l do so hope your neice feels less alone now?

She will have been hiding her troubles all this time to ashamed to let you all know and l know you care about her as a dughter so you must be so upset.

Sue things are under control now...can you look after Sue a bit?

Lots of love

Toni xx

magenta

Hi Sue,

I'm very sorry to hear about your problems. I'm thinking of you and hope things settle. We are here for you if/when you need us.

love Eileen x

speedalong

Thinking of you Sue and the family too.

Speedy

dreamdaisy

Those with nasty secrets know how to hide them and hide them they do. Although this is in your family it is not your problem, woodbon. All you can offer is a sympathetic ear to your sister and niece, but once you put the 'phone down or log off from your email go and stroke a moglet (you have moglets, I think?) and calm yourself and think of the better things in YOUR life, not the dross in theirs. You have enough on your plate without adding their troubles too. I don't want to sound mean but sometimes we DO have to put ourselves first, it isn't selfish, it's necessary. Take care. DD

tkachev

Hi Sue,

I'm glad you've been able to chat on here. It has given you an outlet for your stress at least. It's so good to talk.

Elizabeth

theresa4

Hey Sue
I have to agree with DD you have to draw a line somewhere. My mum is Bi Polar and alcoholic and I had to turn my back on her for some time as I couldnt cope with my kids OH and my RA as well as dealing with her overdosing disappearing or just drinking herself to the brink of death. It did her some good as it made her realise I wasnt going to pick her up anymore. The guilt was nearly unbearable and some poeple still feel I was wrong to desert my mother but I feel despite the pain and grief it caused me that I did her a favour. She is now dry and on her meds and deals with most of her own issues, Dont get me wrong I still get 5 phone calls a day (or a few more) but thats whats caller ID is for if Im tired or stressed or in pain (or all 3) I dont pick up. Your neice may have to make some hard decisions and if you are less able to take the strain she may make them quicker.
It sounds cruel but if you dont look after yourself you will end up getting ill yourself trust me Ive been there. (I know its not easy)

Hope things get easier for you soon

(((())))