Hopeful...

Poppyg1rl

Hi all,
I've not been about much recently, my hubby and 3 boys went home to see my family on the Isle of Wight 3 wks ago.
While here my lovely but very ill and frail grandad died. It wasn't unexpected and due to a horrific car accident 12 yrs ago that left hi
With brain damage and suffering this is in the words of my grandma a release.
I've had a pretty awful year so far with one thing and another, Arthur getting worse, bad reaction to Humira, broken wrist, etc...and now this.
Well, all in all I'm a pretty optimistic person, I have great faith, wonderful family and friends I adore and I count myself lucky for that.
I think enbrel is finally working as I've dropped down the paindullers (trammies) and the amitriptyline. I'm still sore and achy in the morning but I force myself up and get on with it all.
I sat and cried myself silly yesterday evening alone on the beach, I didn't feel any better for it though, I just felt horribly selfish. I realised that things can be so much worse, I'm still here alive and surrounded by those I love and who love me unconditionally, for me that is more than enough.
Thanks for reading my ramblings, I feel better for getting it out. Xxx

valval

hi a good cry does help it takes away some of the pressure so do not feel bad about it. you have been through a lot am glad meds are helping and you can cut down the pain meds a bit. that is great. it is so great to have people around who love you for who you are no one can stay positive all the time val

nanasue

Hi Poppy,
I'm so sorry to hear you are having such a rough time at the moment. I don't think you are being selfish for crying, sometimes evrything gets too much for us(even without this bloody illness), yes there are people worse off out there but that doesn't make our suffering any less knowing that, I've often thought at least I haven't got a terminal illness like some people, but it doesn't make me feel any better, I'm here in pain and trying to deal with this awful debilitating illness that has wrecked my life so I do feel sorry for myself and then I have days where I feel lucky not to have a terminal illness and be grateful for my friends and family and all the good things in my life, it's just how our emotions are when we try to deal with this and when we get to a stage where things aren't TOO bad something else comes along to knock us for six and we're back to square one and finding things hard.Take the time to grieve for your grandad, don't blame yourself for the way you feel and hopefully before too long you will come out the other side feeling a lot better. I hopoe my ramblings make sense and give you some comfort, I'll be thinking of you,

Love and (((()))
Sue x

jillyb1

Poppygirl , just sending you love and positive , strengthening vibes . Hope things start to look better for you and yours . Jillyb

skezier

H Poppy,

Flower it not selfish to grieve, you know that so please don;t think you are.

Its hard to lose someone you loved, hell its hard to lose someone you didn't exactly... I still burst into tears over my father and well i don't understand that one at all.....

Its part of the loss flower and well your granddad sounds like he was a lovely person but had been so unlucky and therefore maybe your right about a release.

I know you said it wasn't unexpected but flowr my nan wasn't unexpected... still hurt and hurt so much... hell it still does....

Sometimes life throws us curves but its not to punish or damage you its just how it is.... Its time it got better for you and with the enbrel finally working just maybe things for you will start to improve.

I tend to be optimistic and agree you certainly are but for now leaving you a top up bucket of optimum and a ((((( ))))) with a huge bucket of light. love Cris xxx

mig

Hi Poppy,thinking of you,sending hugs (((())))Mig

stickywicket

Forgive me for smiling, Poppy, but the idea of you being 'horribly selfish' ......!!! What on earth would that make me?

You are so right though that you've had a truly horrendous time. I just hope you've managed to turn an arthritic corner now and things will improve.

Even if it was 'a release' your poor Grandad must be grieved over and you have had so much to cry about (whether or not you have done) over the last year. It's not selfish: it's rational and sensible and necessary and, although I'd normally say it's better to cry with someone else there to comfort you, I think the beach and sea are a half decent substitute.

You are too hard on yourself, Poppy. Sometimes even 'great faith, wonderful family and friends' don't stop the pain. It will get better. Don't rush it. Be as kind to yourself as you are to the rest of us.

julie47

Hi poppy

Just sending a hug or two ((((())))) and hope that you feel better soon

Love juliepf x

ironic

Hi Poppy,
I am sorry to hear about your granddad and it is a shock whatever the circumstances. It has indeed been a truly rotten year for you but you will get there of that i am sure.

The new medication sounds very promising and hopefully things will improve even more as time goes on. In the meantime, take time out for yourself and allow your family to carry on looking after you.
Gentle hugs,
Lv, I x

dorcas

Hi Poppy

I too am sorry to hear about your granddad :sad:
....please do not think for one minute that you have been selfish! As others have said, you have a right and a need to grieve. Crying allows us to let out our pent up emotions and is both positive and healing.

Take time and know that we are thinking of you. Sending positive vibes and much love to you and your family.

Iris xxx

weejean

Hi Poppy

What a truly awful time you are having. Please dont feel selfish for crying, you need to grieve the loss of your Grandad. Things will get easier in time but it wont happen overnight. I am glad your meds are helping and I hope things continue to improve. Look after yourself and give yourself the time to get your strength back. Sending you loads of hugs at this difficult time xx

frogmorton

Oh my poor poor Poppy :sad:

Oh the beach.....the best place in the world to go for a solitary cry isn't it? Something about the waves sounds and smells is healing. Don't knwo what it is.

I am so glad to hear at least that your health is picking up...about time you could say. Long may it continue for you. Cutting donw you painkillers??? I am impressed

I am however so sad for you about your beloved Grandad :sad: .....Your poor Grandma - even though she says it is a release...he has been in her life so so long she must miss him desperately.

My thoughts are with you and l hope the wishes give you strength to get through.

Love

Toni xx

dreamdaisy

I am not sure I believe what I have just read - cutting down the dullers? Woo-hoo! That is a very good thing indeed and I hope that continues. Here's to the efficacy of enbrel!

As to the other events - I am still thinking of you. DD

stickywicket

How are you today, Poppy?

Thinking of you.

Hope you're looking after yourself.

tkachev

I have been thinking about you. I just thought you were having a lovely hols in the I.O.W.
So much bad news. I am sorry to read your grandad has died.I'm sure you have every right to cry with all that is happening to you.
Look after yourself Poppy and give yourself time to grieve.

Elizabeth xx

Poppyg1rl

Thankyou to all who posted such lovely advice, kind words and encouragement. Grandads funeral was this morning at 9am.
I'm exhausted and frustratingly sore, I've had to take a full dose of painkillers yesterday and today, stress and grief are food and drink to arthritis.
I'm going to try and rest and spend time with my hubby and lads for a couple of weeks, hopefully Arthur will beggar off and let me recover.
Thankyou again for all your support, I'm much in need of it today.
Xxx

tillytop

Thinking of you so much Poppy.

Loads of love and ((()))s

Tilly xxx

stickywicket

Poppyg1rl wrote:

I'm going to try and rest and spend time with my hubby and lads for a couple of weeks,

That sounds like an excellent plan, Poppy. Even your holiday has proved exhausting and emotionally draining so far. Hopefully, you can have a good 2 weeks of recovery. Take things easy.