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never ending bank of mum and dad

tkachevtkachev Posts: 8,332
edited 5. Sep 2011, 16:07 in Community Chit-chat archive
Well my 27 year old is going back to uni for 3 years starting in Sept.She has a had a relationship split so had to move into new premises- deposits and upfront costs. All those xmas pressies of years before , kettles toasters sheets etc have had to be split. New things need to be purchased and don't forget the uni fees!

Lucky I am a good saver but bang goes the new kitchen and bathroom.I have to come to the rescue on several occasions recently. I suppose it is weddings and mortgage deposits next! When will it end?

Elizabeth
Never be bullied into silence.
Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
Accept no ones definition of your life

Define yourself........

Harvey Fierstein

Comments

  • dreamdaisydreamdaisy Posts: 31,567 ✭✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    It won't end while the bank is open. I never once asked my parents for money, no matter how tough things were, and I won't now (and they are tough). It's not easy tho, is it? You don't want to see your offspring struggling. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • tkachevtkachev Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    It would have been nice if she'd thought about who was going to pay before applying for uni! Now it has hit her!
    Still we have arranged a big free overdraft facility.

    I never asked for help either. I took great delight in saving and paying my way. My mum tried to let me off paying her money from my first pay check but I was delighted to be able to contribute.

    Tell a lie I borrowed for my contact lenses but paid it back with my 2nd pay check. Without them I wouldn't see my comp screen, I was far too vain for glasses!
    I still won't borrow from anybody.

    Elizabeth
    Never be bullied into silence.
    Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
    Accept no ones definition of your life

    Define yourself........

    Harvey Fierstein
  • Airwave!Airwave! Posts: 2,427 ✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    We make sure there is no lending, their xmas pressies are always things that they need though and a w/e away is our treat for them (we get to play on the beach with g/kids) so a different way of doing things.

    I believe kids should be pushed out of the nest then I know I've been a good dad when they are independent.
  • frogmortonfrogmorton Posts: 26,327 ✭✭✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Has she applied for a student grant Elizabeth?? Just a thought because she is over the age of 25 she counts as an independant student and your income id not taken into account.

    I feel so so so much for you...we are the generation who may put our own retirement plans on hold in order to support our children and try to keep them out of debt :sad:

    So sorry about your kitchen

    Love and hugs

    Toni xx
    Love

    Toni xxx
  • valvalvalval Posts: 15,897
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    when my son went to uni he worked through the summer holiday to give him set up money had his loans etc he never asked for money did tell him not to get creadit card to easy to use it and end up with big depts. we do lend them money but they always pay it back or know they will not get more we never asked for hand outs so do not expect to give them to our children they know we love them but are not made of money val
    val
  • NinaKKangNinaKKang Posts: 663
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Elizabeth

    Let's hope with the degree she gets, she gets a good job out of this and can stand on her own two feet? It must be difficult to say no to your kids - and I thought mine were expensive, it's not even started properly yet, has it??

    When we were first married, we lived in a house my parents usually rent out. We tried to pay them rent, but they wouldn't have it. My dad said we could pay for general wear and tear on the place (we actually paid for the house to be double glazed while we were there, along with decorating it) but to save our money for a deposit on a bigger place. He made it clear we weren't to stay there forever because it was his pension, but he was also right in thinking we wouldn't stay there forever, it's a lovely house, but it's tiny.

    We saved up a £20,000 deposit for the house we currently live in. Then we went on to pay off the entire mortgage last year and now we're using this to buy another house. We've never borrowed money off mum and dad in the conventional sense, but they gave us the best start they possibly could.

    They also paid a hefty deposit on my brother's first flat as a wedding gift too.

    Sometimes, I think, kids just need help to get on the bottom rung of the right ladder. If they use this help wisely, then there's no looking back

    Nxx
  • tkachevtkachev Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Toni she has already done 1 degree so she doesn'tqualify for much help.She did get help first time round.

    It is nice when parents help like yours Nina. I would have done the same.And yes there is more expense to come with 3 girls!

    Thanks Airwave I agree Its also nice for them to be independent otherwise life is a shock. I don't lend as it causes problems. However I have asked for her to help pay back when I'm older. I don't need the money now but I will in the future.

    Hi Val. She has been working but gets paid a pittance even with her degree so has been unable to save. But why she applied for uni I don't know.

    ps;I'm not too worried about the kitchen Toni, I find I'm used to the one I've got and I don't crave things like that anymore. But I do need a loft conversion for my son to have a quiet space! I can'tmiss out on the that as life will be difficult then.

    E x
    Never be bullied into silence.
    Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
    Accept no ones definition of your life

    Define yourself........

    Harvey Fierstein
  • AnkyspondAnkyspond Posts: 626
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Ha ha, it never ends I don't think. Our son is going into his final year of uni and although he is brilliant and works and manages his money well we send him some money each month and spoil him whenever we can. xx

    You have to feel sorry for us as the eldest finishes the middle one starts and then the youngest will start when the middle one has one year to go, confusing but think of all that money.xx
    AS Sufferer
    Live, love and enjoy life, live each day as though it's your last!
  • frogmortonfrogmorton Posts: 26,327 ✭✭✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh Elizabeth you do need a space for your lad :shock: That one is not a luxury :sad:

    If it helps anyone at all feel a wee bit better...only a wee bit.....l have two stepdaughter and daughter both hoping to get to university (needed for their desired careers), so am expecting to be very very poor soon and for a long long time :sad:

    Ah well....anyone been watching the programme about going to university?

    Love

    Toni xx
    Love

    Toni xxx
  • tkachevtkachev Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    So even though Anky's (sorry don't know your real name)son works and saves he still needs help. It is such an expensive life isn't it. As for my girl a little bit of effort would be nice.I was cross when she mentioned dying her hair as I know how much that costs but she ignored me.
    Oh dear it is going to be never ending for quite a few of us. Maybe we will have to swap tips. Baked beans 6 nights a week is a start. Teetotal is another......


    E x

    Toni I'm still waiting for the architect to come round and give us a quote. I will have to go for the cheapest option that's for sure. We have the floor already strengthened from when we built the extension,and window is in but need stairs, radiators, wall cupboards. Hopefully it will be affordable,
    Never be bullied into silence.
    Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
    Accept no ones definition of your life

    Define yourself........

    Harvey Fierstein
  • weejeanweejean Posts: 361
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    My son is 18 and due to start University next month. The last couple of years have been difficult financially, teenagers are very expensive people. My son is under the impression that I have a never ending supply of money and I have overheard him telling friends that he watches what he spends and doesnt usually borrow from me or his Dad. Obviously my son lives in a fantasy world :shock:
    Big Hugs
    Jean xx
  • Airwave!Airwave! Posts: 2,427 ✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hmmm, no doubt about it, we are sandwiched between the expensive ages!

    Although I don't mean to, I end up with expenses with my parents (dad is as tight as a d**ks ar&&!!! Mine you they seem to have spent their lives like that to know any different. If he buys me a pint tomorrow, I won't refuse!!!!
  • AnkyspondAnkyspond Posts: 626
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi,

    Firstly I didn't mean to scare anyone, ha ha.

    Our eldest went to Aberdeen uni it was the best place for his course but the bonus was that Scotland uni fees are capped at a much lower rate than England (and that was before the price rise this year) not sure how it stands now. We don't qualify for any financial help as it's all means tested and we don't qualify, he gets the normal student loan which pays for fees and most of his accommodation. He works quite a bit but we have insisted it's not every night as it woukd affect his degree and thtas the main issue really. The reason we send give him money each month is tomease the pressure and also to keep him out of any further debt really. He is extrememlyp good at budgeting and keeping controlled of everything so can't complain really.

    You will be surprised how resourceful they get when living on there own, my son was telling me the other day how the best meal to make is a vegetable curry which only costs £3-4 and feeds two for three nights, home brands and lots of tips they pick up. Make sure they get a student bank account I think it's Nat west that give them a free railcard for three years, also use all the offers for students around the places. A great place to look is moneysavingexpert.com they have great advice.

    It is a stretch to parents but we feel it will pay off in the future, hope this helps. Xx
    AS Sufferer
    Live, love and enjoy life, live each day as though it's your last!
  • tkachevtkachev Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thats nice Del. Its my daughters 2nd degree too and I don't remember having to help financially first time round. She had a grant and a loan (which is still hanging round her neck). she works part time but its just not paying enough. She has to live in rented accommodation and pay a contribution to bills.But she has no spare cash for the uni fees.

    I read on fb she had a night out last night! Thats never cheap.

    E x
    Never be bullied into silence.
    Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
    Accept no ones definition of your life

    Define yourself........

    Harvey Fierstein
  • gill11gill11 Posts: 7
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I was quite surprised to read about the help that you all are still extending or are expected to by your children ...I thought it was only in India that parents pay for higher education of their children .
    well we have a daughter who has completed her B.Arch and has her heart set on doing her masters next year from the best architectural schools ..The highest on her list being one in London and another one in Barcelona .
    She says I'll take a bank loan without realising that its going to cover only a little over half the expense and she is going to be paying it for ever if we dont pitch in with a major part of our savings !
    But then we molycoddle our kids too much ..so have only ourselves to blame :smile:
  • tkachevtkachev Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Lets hope they pay us back with care and kindness one day.
    :wink:

    Elizabeth
    Never be bullied into silence.
    Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
    Accept no ones definition of your life

    Define yourself........

    Harvey Fierstein
  • AnkyspondAnkyspond Posts: 626
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I don't mind helping my kids if it gives them a better future, I know my kids are caring, thoughtful kids and if the tables turn one day I will be able to call on them. xx
    AS Sufferer
    Live, love and enjoy life, live each day as though it's your last!
  • frogmortonfrogmorton Posts: 26,327 ✭✭✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Ankyspond wrote:
    I don't mind helping my kids if it gives them a better future, I know my kids are caring, thoughtful kids and if the tables turn one day I will be able to call on them. xx

    Bet you wont though Anky....you know you won't you have given out of love for them...just like Elizabeth and Gill11 :wink:
    Love

    Toni xxx
  • elainebadkneeelainebadknee Posts: 3,703
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Elizabeth

    Sorry to hear this, take it your daughter that was in same sex r/ship? It didnt work out? Still splits can happen for lots of reasons...
    Tell her to start hunting out car boots for items as can get really good stuff there that is in really good nick (irons, tellies, tables etc)...And now well there is places that sell cheaply but well made items too Im thinking asda, b & m, poundstretcher, you know.....
    As a "kid" it doesnt end, my dad lent me some money for my car bills couple weeks ago, bless him! So im a borrower too!

    Elainex
    tkachev wrote:
    Well my 27 year old is going back to uni for 3 years starting in Sept.She has a had a relationship split so had to move into new premises- deposits and upfront costs. All those xmas pressies of years before , kettles toasters sheets etc have had to be split. New things need to be purchased and don't forget the uni fees!

    Lucky I am a good saver but bang goes the new kitchen and bathroom.I have to come to the rescue on several occasions recently. I suppose it is weddings and mortgage deposits next! When will it end?

    Elizabeth
  • tkachevtkachev Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I know it will never end Elaine and with 5 I will be very poor in the future!

    E x
    Never be bullied into silence.
    Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
    Accept no ones definition of your life

    Define yourself........

    Harvey Fierstein
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