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Marriage- you've got to laugh!

joanlawsonjoanlawson Posts: 10,319
edited 30. Aug 2011, 16:22 in Community Chit-chat archive
Marriage- you've got to laugh :lol: .................

Wife: 'What are you doing?'

Husband: Nothing.

Wife: 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'

Husband: 'I was looking for the expiration date.'

Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'

Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?'

Wife: 'Yes or no.'

A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon.
When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.

"Well, how was the honeymoon?" asked the mother.
"Oh mamma!" she exclaimed. "The honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic!"

No sooner had she spoken the words than she burst out crying. "But mamma . . . as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language. He's been saying things I've never heard before! All these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home... please mamma!"

"Now Sarah . . ." her mother answered. "Calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words has he been using?"

"Please don't make me tell you, mamma." wept the daughter.
"I'm so embarrassed! They're just too awful! You've got to come get me and take me home... please mamma!"

"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset . . .
Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"

Still sobbing, the bride replied, "Oh, mamma . . . words like dust, wash, iron, and cook!"

A couple were having marital problems. They decided to do the right thing and contacted a marriage counsellor.

Several visits followed when lots of questions were asked and lots of listening carried out. Eventually the counsellor felt that he had discovered the main problem. He stood up, went over to the wife and asking her to stand up, he gave her a big hug.

He turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs, at least once every day."

The husband frowned, considered what had been said for a moment, then replied, "OK, what time do you want me to bring her back tomorrow?"

To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you're wrong admit it;
Whenever you're right shut up. - [Ogden Nash.]




  • frogmortonfrogmorton Posts: 26,327 ✭✭✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh Very good Joan :lol:

    thank you!!!!!


    Toni xx

    Toni xxx
  • dreamdaisydreamdaisy Posts: 31,567 ✭✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Good old Ogden, he had a way with words. Thanks joanlawson, a little light relief was required today and you, as usual, were there with the goods. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • barbara12barbara12 Posts: 20,943 ✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Brilliant Joan... :lol::lol::lol:
  • traluvietraluvie Posts: 2,579
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00

    Just what the doctor ordered... :lol:
  • tonesptonesp Posts: 844
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    As I said to the current Mrs P 26 happy years She replied but we have been married for 43 years my precious Yes 26 years and then I met you :evil :evil :evil :evil
  • joanlawsonjoanlawson Posts: 10,319
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    tonesp wrote:
    As I said to the current Mrs P 26 happy years She replied but we have been married for 43 years my precious Yes 26 years and then I met you :evil :evil :evil :evil

    I bet you were popular, Tone :lol::lol::lol:
  • joanlawsonjoanlawson Posts: 10,319
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    The secret to a happy marriage is to go out for dinner twice a week......a romantic dinner, walk by the beach... She needs to go on Tuesdays and you go on Thursdays...

    All marriages are happy - it's the living together afterward that causes all the problems.

    "By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher." --[Socrates]

    A good marriage is like a casserole, only those responsible for it really know what goes in it.
  • julie47julie47 Posts: 6,142
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Loved it joan

    Thankyou :grin:

    juliepf x
  • NinaKKangNinaKKang Posts: 663
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    My hubby is fond of saying "All my life I waited to meet my Mrs Right - I just didn't realise until after the marriage that her first name was Always".

    Wise man, my hubby!

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