Not So Friendly

elainebadknee

Hiya

Not so long ago I posted about a pal of mine whom I seem to have offended purely for the reason that my car had broken down and i texted her saying if she was about can she give me a shout if she is going near a shop as had no transport...She never got back to me till late evening saying basically "sorry ive been at a mates all day".....Now this coupled with the fact we were suposed to go out that friday during day and it was rainy, she cancelled saying she wasnt well as has ME...I said no problem, didnt think anything of it...However after reply to car text it was decidely frosty, as if she was wondering why had i contacted her...Cos I thought she was a mate...
Well things have laid low for about fortnight, havent commented on her FB simply cos it didnt concern me or wasnt applying to me.....She hasnt been in touch either and i deleted number from mobile...Anyhow I thought it was silly so she makes alcohol home made, so I texted offering some bramley apples we had been given and couldnt use...I got a reply saying couldnt use them why didnt we make pies to which i said we didnt really make stuff like that...To which got a reply saying "sorry" nothing more.....Again asked about benefits appeal and got one reply all very polite and replied to two not three..Also sent message on fb to which no reply.....
To put it politely its quite upsetting to be snubbed like this and not know what you have done...I mean another person on here is on my fb friends and we dont message all the time but its fine.......Also had it been her asking for help if I couldnt id have said "hope youre okay and sorry cant help" but i got none of that and I dont understand....Im very tempted to remove from phone and fb....But this persons behaviour is strange...Maybe she has read what i put on here, i dont think so cos she doesnt know which arthritis forum im on......BUt if so come out with it....
Annoyed and baffled...

Elainex

oneday

Hi
has your friend always behaved like that but you havent really been aware of it until now?..perhaps ?
if she is behaving different than in the past it seems she wants to cut of ties?
or is she having a bad time and cant cope with communicating with people? One of my pals was having a bad time and couldnt take my calls.

elainebadknee

Hi Oneday

Here's the thing we only got in touch after being at schoool this summer on fb...So i dont know....But i think the cutting of ties but I cant think what ive done thats so bad...I mean the time she cancelled our day out last said she was knackered then that weekend was out fri, sat so it seems to be me...
I dont think she has trouble communicating....Its me...

Elainex

oneday wrote:

Hi
has your friend always behaved like that but you havent really been aware of it until now?..perhaps ?
if she is behaving different than in the past it seems she wants to cut of ties?
or is she having a bad time and cant cope with communicating with people? One of my pals was having a bad time and couldnt take my calls.

oneday

Hi

If you were good pals at school,lost touch and found each other surely that bond would still be there and you would get on like you hadnt missed each other.
It feels to me she wasnt one of your close friends? but one you knew but not a great friend?....if thats right perhaps shes decided now youre both older and met she doesnt want to keep in touch and met out of curiosity?
If she was a good friend and you as you say dont know what youve done perhaps its right it isnt you but she has changed....people do change..and sometimes you can sever the friendship as the click isnt there.
From what youve said youve done nothing to upset her. Is she so stressed with her conditon she felt she couldnt help you or it overwhelmed her?
You have done as much as you can and been friendly. Sometimes its impossible to work out what or if anythign went wrong.
You will either have to just not get in touch or if its niggling you, which it is sent a text along the lines of...
hi,it was nice to get back in touch wasnt it after all this time. I know it been years since we last saw each other and we both have our adult lives but I hope we can stay in touch and I hope I am not too over powering as I feel I may have offended you in some way...
if that doesnt do it...I would leave it!!

valval

to be honest it sounds like you tried to keep the friendship going but she does not at this moment feel the same. i would not get rid of numbers or cross her off your fb list but i would leave it as it is, if she wants to get in touch it up to her do not loose sleep over her.
i passed my phone number on to parents of my best mate from school but have not heard from her but i will not let it upset me as we have all grown up and changed in many ways that perhaps we do not think others will understand and do not wish to put our selves in a position that might cause embarrassment or pain .so remember you have lots of good friends and do not need those who do not respect you for who you are val

elainebadknee

Hi

Well we knew each other at school but not mates at all...Then saw at hospital and in street a few times and have been out for couple of days this summer...
I am baffled still and really cant be doing with this **** in my forties...

Elainex

oneday wrote:

Hi

If you were good pals at school,lost touch and found each other surely that bond would still be there and you would get on like you hadnt missed each other.
It feels to me she wasnt one of your close friends? but one you knew but not a great friend?....if thats right perhaps shes decided now youre both older and met she doesnt want to keep in touch and met out of curiosity?
If she was a good friend and you as you say dont know what youve done perhaps its right it isnt you but she has changed....people do change..and sometimes you can sever the friendship as the click isnt there.
From what youve said youve done nothing to upset her. Is she so stressed with her conditon she felt she couldnt help you or it overwhelmed her?
You have done as much as you can and been friendly. Sometimes its impossible to work out what or if anythign went wrong.
You will either have to just not get in touch or if its niggling you, which it is sent a text along the lines of...
hi,it was nice to get back in touch wasnt it after all this time. I know it been years since we last saw each other and we both have our adult lives but I hope we can stay in touch and I hope I am not too over powering as I feel I may have offended you in some way...
if that doesnt do it...I would leave it!!

elainebadknee

Hi Val

I know we are all grown up and people have thier own lives but this seems to have sprouted from nothing....And now to be snubbed well its wrong and I wouldnt do it to her...
I really want to delete from phone and fb....Why be in touch with someone who cant stand you?

Im puzzled...

Elainex

valval wrote:

to be honest it sounds like you tried to keep the friendship going but she does not at this moment feel the same. i would not get rid of numbers or cross her off your fb list but i would leave it as it is, if she wants to get in touch it up to her do not loose sleep over her.
i passed my phone number on to parents of my best mate from school but have not heard from her but i will not let it upset me as we have all grown up and changed in many ways that perhaps we do not think others will understand and do not wish to put our selves in a position that might cause embarrassment or pain .so remember you have lots of good friends and do not need those who do not respect you for who you are val

NinaKKang

Elaine

She just sounds BIZARRE and you're better off out of it. Personally, if I had a "friend" like this, from the information you've given us (I remember your previous post about this person), I'd say she was trying to get attention??? Like she wants you to puzzle over the situation and pester her about what you've done wrong?

You haven't done anything wrong. I think you've been good to her. Don't "delete" her, but leave things as they are. You have enough to contend with, without, as you so succinctly put it, "all this **** in your 40s".

Bloody wimmin - give me straight forward firemen anyday!

Nxx

elainebadknee

Hi Nina

Well it is bizarre isnt it? I mean this is a person who month or so ago was offering to come and stay in a b & b when i go for my tkr at Wigan.....And yes i did post before because I have respect for someone if they tell me what ive done wrong, then i can explain it but if they dont how do I know what the problem is?
You know been giving it some thought and im not going to delete cos then its gotten to me hasnt it? I will leave it not contact at all and if see her in street say a polite hi, thats all...Then if she asks me what the problem is I will say......She wasnt a true friend anyway, this has shown her mettle......
And yes as a gay woman....agree with your comment bloody wimmen!!!

Your reply has made me feel better, as I was getting to be paranoid!!! Ta...

Elainex

NinaKKang wrote:

Elaine

She just sounds BIZARRE and you're better off out of it. Personally, if I had a "friend" like this, from the information you've given us (I remember your previous post about this person), I'd say she was trying to get attention??? Like she wants you to puzzle over the situation and pester her about what you've done wrong?

You haven't done anything wrong. I think you've been good to her. Don't "delete" her, but leave things as they are. You have enough to contend with, without, as you so succinctly put it, "all this **** in your 40s".

Bloody wimmin - give me straight forward firemen anyday!

Nxx

joanlawson

Hi Elaine,

Did you say that your friend has ME? Could it be that her illness is affecting her mood as it is a very debilitating condition?

There seems to have been a lot of messaging on FB and texting, but why not speak directly to her and ask her how things are with her?

Joan

tkachev

Elaine it seems she didn't take kindly to your reasonable request to help if going anywhere near to a shop. Maybe because of her her ME ? I would not contact her anymore as it is obvious she is smarting. Leave her to it.


Elizabeth

elainebadknee

Hi

Well yes it is but if you say youre dog tired then all that weekend youre out non stop then obviously youre fibbing......
I cant be doing with the stress...

Elainex

joanlawson wrote:

Hi Elaine,

Did you say that your friend has ME? Could it be that her illness is affecting her mood as it is a very debilitating condition?

There seems to have been a lot of messaging on FB and texting, but why not speak directly to her and ask her how things are with her?

Joan

elainebadknee

Elizabeth

I havent done anything wrong at all.....She can do as she pleases....Not my issue, its her being funny....

Elainex

tkachev wrote:

Elaine it seems she didn't take kindly to your reasonable request to help if going anywhere near to a shop. Maybe because of her her ME ? I would not contact her anymore as it is obvious she is smarting. Leave her to it.


Elizabeth

joanlawson

elainebadknee wrote:

Hi

Well yes it is but if you say youre dog tired then all that weekend youre out non stop then obviously youre fibbing......
I cant be doing with the stress...

Elainex



In that case, just walk away, Elaine. She's not worth bothering with if she lies to you.

hileena111

Hi Elaine,
I'm afraid I'm one of the "what you see is what you get " group
I think I would ask point blank... what ....if anything you had done to offend her. I suppose be more gentle incase it is her ME but it doesnt sound like it.
I like to know where i stand with people and appreciate them telling me if I have done someting to offend them.
Good Luck pet

Love
Hileena

elainebadknee

Joan

I have sympathy for her and even if she had a hard time now and shoe was on the other foot, she needed help id try...But her using up her energy snubbing me (it takes more effort to be negative than positive)...She can do as she wishes...

Elainex

joanlawson wrote:

elainebadknee wrote:

Hi

Well yes it is but if you say youre dog tired then all that weekend youre out non stop then obviously youre fibbing......
I cant be doing with the stress...

Elainex



In that case, just walk away, Elaine. She's not worth bothering with if she lies to you.

elainebadknee

Hileena

Im like that too and I thought she was okay....Obviously not...Its tiddly poo to do with the ME its more to do with me (elaine).....Im afraid if I send her a message asking what id get stuck into her n tear a strip off.....
She simply isnt worth the effort of my actions...
I wonder if remove from fb friends do they know?

Elainex

hileena111 wrote:

Hi Elaine,
I'm afraid I'm one of the "what you see is what you get " group
I think I would ask point blank... what ....if anything you had done to offend her. I suppose be more gentle incase it is her ME but it doesnt sound like it.
I like to know where i stand with people and appreciate them telling me if I have done someting to offend them.
Good Luck pet

Love
Hileena

hileena111

Hi Elaine
I've often wondered that about f/b and dont know.....unless of course she specifically went to look for you or send you a message.....I dont know the answer to that. I've removed a few before now
Love
Hileena

elainebadknee

Hileena

I dont know im tempted....

Elainex

hileena111 wrote:

Hi Elaine
I've often wondered that about f/b and dont know.....unless of course she specifically went to look for you or send you a message.....I dont know the answer to that. I've removed a few before now
Love
Hileena

tkachev

Hi Elaine,
fb doesn't tell anyone they have been unfriended but you can work it out for yourself by looking at your friends list. I have a friend who is regularly on/off fb so when my list number goes down she is the first name I check!

Anyway it is your birthday on Monday. See if she wishes you a Happy birthday on your page. Otherwise unfriend her now.

Elizabeth

elainebadknee

Hi Elizabeth

Well ive already deleted from phone contact and she wont be in contact for my birthday why should she anyway...I know facebook sends notifications that you have an event upcoming but she wont going by this weeks idiotic actions...Im alone on that day but i dont mind, my folks are on holiday and my sister did invite me last minute on friday night to inverness but ive just paid £370 for car service, mot and tax so couldnt do it!
I may delete, dont wish her any harm but im over all this rubbish!!
I doubt she would notice if i did unfriend....

Elainex

tkachev wrote:

Hi Elaine,
fb doesn't tell anyone they have been unfriended but you can work it out for yourself by looking at your friends list. I have a friend who is regularly on/off fb so when my list number goes down she is the first name I check!

Anyway it is your birthday on Monday. See if she wishes you a Happy birthday on your page. Otherwise unfriend her now.

Elizabeth

elainebadknee

Okay get this think ive been unfriended....My list now says 12, was 13 but person still shows up at top of page in rows of friends...Im not sure but think the deed has been done miaow!!! And I havent posted anything on fb all weekend!!

Elainex

tkachev

Her pic shouldn't be there if you unfriended her.


E xx

elainebadknee

Elizabeth

I havent done a thing..Im confused it says ive got 12 friends but only ten on right hand side but 12 when go as if to edit list....

Elainex

tkachev wrote:

Her pic shouldn't be there if you unfriended her.


E xx

NinaKKang

tkachev wrote:

Her pic shouldn't be there if you unfriended her.


E xx

That all depends on her privacy settings, some people have their settings so that anyone can view their photos, not just friends.

Elaine, I find FB doesn't often update as it should do sometimes, probably when they're working on the site or if it gets busy. You might find it says a different number altogether if you log off it and back on again. I would try clicking on her name - if there is a button which says "add as a friend".... then she's defriended you. If she has... sounds like she's done you a favour

Nxx

elainebadknee

Hi Nina

Well im not sure there are two people now who are in list but not showing up at right hand side...I can view her photos...The number 12 hasnt changed and have clicked on her name didnt see add as friend...
Im over it Nina, life is too short...
Thanks

Elainex


That all depends on her privacy settings, some people have their settings so that anyone can view their photos, not just friends.

Elaine, I find FB doesn't often update as it should do sometimes, probably when they're working on the site or if it gets busy. You might find it says a different number altogether if you log off it and back on again. I would try clicking on her name - if there is a button which says "add as a friend".... then she's defriended you. If she has... sounds like she's done you a favour

Nxx[/quote]