Just another moan

kellerman

Morning all,
Today my OH who is in a brass band is running a family fun day.
He has done this for a few years now and I've always helped,tombola or wherever needed.
OH seems to understand I can't do much this year so I asked my daughters if they would help. Middle daughter plays football,first game of the season for her today so she is away.
Youngest daughter 27 was more than happy to help her dad, even though she is a teacher and back at school tomorrow.
My eldest daughter also has said she will help but when I said that I would not be there all day she asked me why. I explained that it would depend on how arthur behaved and this was when she really upset me.
She said Mum you can't still be bad,you need more excercise,it will do you good etc.I do walk my dog twice a day and not just round the corner.
I've been up since 3am this morning,pain,pain and more pain but I think the problem was more to do with her attitude. She even told me I'd probably end up in a nursing home soon.
This daughter does not work,her hubby has a good job.1 7year old boy who is back at school tomorrow.
I've given her loads to read but don't know if she has read them or not.
I wish I'd never asked her to help but she will have my grandson with her and he will probably enjoy dog display team and bouncy castle.
Oh don't know whether this is me being a bit touchy due to pain.
Moan over. What a difference in daughters though.
Hope you are all ok as possible today.
May

keldi

Oh May I do sympathise with you. Our families sometimes find it hard to appreciate just how much chronic pain can affect us. We on the forum know where you are coming from, so moan away. I know that when I am having a particularly bad day, certain comments upset me more than when I am having a good day.

I hope that you are feeling more comfortable soon. Take care and embrace the good days.

Daine

PatriciaH

Oh my heart goes out to you, it really does

I think when we are in constant pain we are more sensitive BUT I do think sometimes family/friends just don't understand. My son (30 years old) told me I would feel better if I strengthened my back muscles up!!!! Simple as that and I will be better - lol.

Looking at it from their point of view though they haven't experienced the chronic debilitating pain so don't know what it feels like and some people (even our children/close family etc) are just less compassionate than others. It hurts emotionally though doesn't it? Sometimes our 'children' can really get to us. I know mine do.

Walking your dog twice a day is absolutely brilliant exercise. Well done you for continuing to do that even though you are struggling. You are doing all you can. You can ask no more of yourself than that so try to put your daughter's comments to the back of your mind and enjoy your day. Take as much pain relief as you are allowed and have as much fun as the arthritis will allow.

Take great care....x

Ankyspond

Oh dear,

I know how frustrating that is an makes you feel awful but as some others have said if they haven't got chronic pain they don't understand. All kids are different and some see it as black and White while others are more flexible. I think I woukd have to a quite word on my own with my daughter and let her know how much she has upset you and how wrong she is. I am sure you support her always and it is a two way street.

Similar thing yesterday with my OH we were talking about the disease and he was saying how I need to have a positive frame if mind and how I always talk about it (wasn't aware I did) and he said IRS like making myself a matyr. I understand what he means and is normally very supportive I just think he didn't articulate it very well, but it hurt as the comment you got did. I know unless you are in this kind of pain nobody understands at all.

I am having an horrendous day today in pain, I feel like I am walking on broken bones in my feet, knees and ankles excrutiating and my bzck gone as well. Whooppee just in time to go back to my teaching job tomorrow!

Hope you feel better soon. Xx

valval

hi how awful for you the trouble with children is they do not want to think there parents might not always be there for them and so they can stick there heads in the ground if they do not take it serious then it not so all will be well with a little exercise lol we wish but she will have to come around in her own time when she can face it but you must have a talk to her and explain that you were very hurt by her comments and how would she like it if you said things like that to her also that you will always be her mum and do your best for her as you expect her to do her best for you good luck val

nanasue

Hello May,
I can understand how you feel, my daughter (eldest37) didn't get it for ages (about 4 years), she's ok now and understands and is always concerned with how I am. My other family son, daughter, sister and friends have all been really good. OH not so good, even thjough he has ankylosing spondylitis and oa in right knee. I used to be really upset by my daughter's attitude and her unfeeling comments, especially as she isn't a nasty uncaring person. After one particular comment it all came to a head and we sat down and talked it out and now she is more understanding. I do think you should talk to your daughter about your illness and how her comments make you feel, perhaps your OH or one of your other daughters could back you up, or perhaps your OH should have a quiet word with her. We have enough to deal with without our own family being like this, it's bad enough when aquaintances or strangers do it, but family hurts. Hopefully she will get it eventually.

Sue x

julie47

Hi Kellerman

I am sorry that you have a daughter that doesn't understand how you feel and how arthritis affects you. Perhaps your other daughers and Oh could have a word with her. Perhaps you could even get her to come to the gp or consultant appointment with you next time.

I hope you did manage to get to todays event, even if it was for only a few minutes.
Take care
Juliepf x

kellerman

Hi All,
Went down intending to stay about an hour pain permitting.
It started to rain so I thought it would be a washout. No such luck.
My 2 daughters were selling hot dogs and really busy. I was stuck on tombola and no one to help so didn't get back until 5 from 1.30.
Absolutely shattered now.Took my little dog and she was drowned as everyone was.
I will sit my daughter down and have a good talk to her. I did ask her to come to rheumy with me and she said she would.We'll see.
Her hubby is lovely. May be worth having a word with him although she wears the trousers in that marriage.
I have 2 sons as well both do ring to see how I am.I also have a great girl next door. She's in her 30's and would do anything for me even though she works shifts.
OH also good. I think the only thing about him he is shocked at the change in me in the last few months.
Will have to leave it for now hands hurting.
I do thank you for all your help, will keep you updated.
May