Lack of Understanding.

lyndsey311075

Don't know if anyone else has felt like this, I have OA but sometimes I feel that I have very little or no support from my partner. I often get the impression that he thinks its in my head. At the moment I've not been sleeping to good as I get locked elbow and my hip is playing up, I acutally don't want to tell anyone I'm sore because I don't want to see the eye rolling and the look of here we go again. Then I think is it just me. I feel have no one else to talk too except my docs and I can't very well bug them everytime I feel like crap. :roll:

skezier

Hi Lynsey,

Its sometimes very hard to get others to understand and be kind. Some of it might be he is in denial cus he is struggling with it him self? I wonder have you been able to sit down and talk to him about it and how it effects you both?

Might help to take him with you to a few appointments? That way he knows its for real.

Another way is to get some of the leaflets ac or ark do and get him to read them? You can ask the helpline here for a pack which might help him and you?

I don't have a partner any more so might not be the best person to answer you but hope so much that you are ok cus its hard sometimes?

Here you can say how you feel and how its impacting on you and its safe to do so. Your not alone flower either this lot will always be here fro you. Nice to meet you Cris x

diamond

Hi Lyndsey,Sorry to hear you are not getting a lot of support.Some people just have no idea the pain we suffer.Sending you hugs.Hope you feel a bit better soon,xxx

dreamdaisy

Hello lyndsey, you are going through a tough time, aren't you? I learned in April that I have OA in both knees and I can say, hand on heart, it is by far the worse pain than the other arthritis causes. It is unremitting, unrelenting, it just does not let go or ease up. What type of pain relief are you taking? Has your GP recommended any type of anti-inflammatory? Which joint/s are affected?

Arthritis does not only cause distress to the joints, it causes distress to the mind, to the family, to relationships. It can be very difficult for those close to us to deal with, men especially. Men like to fix things, to mend and repair but arthritis refuses to be dealt with in that way. Does he know what arthritis actually is? Many people seem to think that it is one of those condtitions that once you have seen the doctor and have some meds, it will clear up and go away. Wouldn't that be nice?

It is difficult, we do feel that we are forever spending our lives in the GPs waiting room, but as they are the ones who deal with OA that is not surprising. You do need to tell your doctor how you are feeling and perhaps he can suggest ways to help. Is your doctor easy to talk to? I hope so, as that can make a deal of difference. I hope things pick up for you soon and that you begin to feel better, both in yourself and with your relationship. I wish you well. DD

kellerman

Hi and good morning,
My OH is ok in the sense he does try to understand and does help to the best of his ability!!!!!
It's my eldest daughter who is like your partner.I have a thread about her somewhere and some good advise on it.
I know how you feel.It's as if your always moaning and they just look at you. It's that look that gets me and I think maybe I am always moaning,even though I'm not.
I gave my daughter a load of info but don't know if she's read it as she is married and does not live with me.
I would give this to your partner and say to him anything you don't understand just ask.Maybe he'll read them maybe he won't but worth a try.
My OH knows me after all these years and knows there is no way I would be taking pain dullers if I didn't have to.Sorry I can't be more helpful as I haven't sorted my daughter out yet!!
Best of luck May

frogmorton

Now Lyndsey

That is where we come in!!!

They dont want to hear us going on all the time, but we are in pain and we are worried and we DO want to talk about it all the time. For me there are times when pain is all l can actually THINK about!

Us lot on here don't get bored or impatient or cross.

You yourself should take OH with you next time you see your doc/consultant if you have one and/dowload some of the leaflets off here and get them to read them. If your OH is nale like mine he may feel he has to 'solve' the problem and can't so get cross with himself as much as you really???

HUGS to you

Love

Toni xx

tjt6768

Morning, I am sorry that you are suffering like this and haven't got the support that you should have.
You should be trying to get your Doc to help control the pain better, is there any chance of seeing a specialist?
Either way, you are always welcome on here, it can help just to chat with folks who understand what you are going through..
It is NOT in your head, you are suffering real and genuine pain...

Hope that you are alright this morning.

traluvie

Morning..

It is hard trying to get across to others how we are feeling..
I had someone teh other day comment how well i looked, what they didn't know was what i was feeling on the inside..I don't bother telling my oh anymore how i am .. he can usually tell by how well i walk or not or if i csn hold my cup lol..
This is where the forum comes in..Great place to upload how you are feeling as we can understand..
What the others have said about taking him with you to an appointment would be great as he can see what is actually going on, get him to read some of the posts on here too if he likes he may be surprised..

stickywicket

I would endorse every word that skezier has written. It is very hard for others to get an idea of how stuff is for us, especially if there's nothing much to show for it. You don't want to make a song and dance about it but you do need to pick the right moment and explain to him. Also try to involve him. If he's having to take on things you can no longer do he will feel a bit put upon unless he can really understand.

Being stoical is good up to a point but it can become a very lonely business.

lyndsey311075

Thank you to everyone for their advice, think I was just having a bad day and could'nt vent it anywhere, I'm not one for forums but when you have no one to vent the anger and frustration it was good to do it on here, I have looked at other topics but have just never thought of using it myself, so again I a big thank you to everyone.

dreamdaisy

The one thing you will find on here is that we are very familiar with how you are feeling. You are not alone with the OA, you are not alone in dealing with the irritations and frustrations that it brings, I hope that you have found our answers helpful and remember we are also here for the good things. DD

Ankyspond

Hi,

I posted last week moaning about my hubby so we all know how you feel. My hubby is brill and will do anything and always normally supportive but after me having a moan to him he said sometimes you have to be positive or you become a Marty, that comment blew me away as he would normal say such a thing. Then decided to look for a miracle cure and decided it's my diet I really know he is trying to help and is very frustrated seeing me how I am (which is not good at minute) so you are not alone.

I think its so hard for people to understand, we mask it well and here there is nothing for them to SEE! I try not to mention it much as feel like people don't really want to know but it's a cruel disease and one we have to live with the best we can. Hope you feel better soon. Xx

valval

have had the odd we all get aches and pains we just have to get on with it not sure if was aimed at me or if i was feeling sensative that day normaly i do not pay attention to it. my other half will say you are limping today lol he very good at realising there are good days and days that well going back to bed the best thing . but do vent on here as that way they never know just how bad things are it enough with me worrying with out him as well val

mouseymousey

Difficult isn't it? sometimes I am mid flow and I think oh gawd I'm even boring myself to death here!
Thank goodness for this place.
Hope you are feeling better.

lyndsey311075

Feeling alot better, it is only hitting me know that my life is going to change and thats after 15 mths from me diagnosed plus I'm only 35 and mum to two teens, maybe I was abit hard on him, sometimes he tries to be helpful but other times he annoys me. Just because you can't see it does'nt mean its painful. But am going to make an effort to look on other folks topics and try to understand about OA and how others are affected and maybe that will help me deal with my OA.

julie47

hi lyndsey

Glad to hear that yesterday in your last post you were feeling a lot better.
This is a good forum for you to share your problems and fears of this horrible arthritis.
We all know how it feels to be frustrated and in pain and here no one will roll their eyes at you.
Someone suggested that your oh goes to a couple of your appointments with you. That would be a good idea if possible.

Hope you feel even better today
take care
juliepf x

sennacharib

Hi Lyndsey, good to hear your feeling better today hun

I understand where your coming from, my hubby is good, but he says to me sometimes, ''i cant do anything''...and he feels helpless and he also admitted he doesnt want to hear me talk about it all time, which i guess is fair comment, but to us, we want too as we feel the pain and feel better for talking! plus its with us 24/7 too.

Keep your chin up, you can always tell us, we are all in same boat sweetie

Big hugs

Love senna xxx

tkachev

Well if he is rolling his eyes then he isn't being very helpful. My OH knows and accepts I am in pain but doesn't often act on it. Last week I was in pain he said go to bed i'll look after kids and a few hours later I found him in a darkened room asleep and my Son running riot! That has happened several times this week.
Your OH was probably brought up not to make fuss so it is going to take some time to get him to realise how you feel.Hopefully he will understand afer a while. I do hope so.



Elizabeth

Ankyspond

lyndsey311075 wrote:

Feeling alot better, it is only hitting me know that my life is going to change and thats after 15 mths from me diagnosed plus I'm only 35 and mum to two teens, maybe I was abit hard on him, sometimes he tries to be helpful but other times he annoys me. Just because you can't see it does'nt mean its painful. But am going to make an effort to look on other folks topics and try to understand about OA and how others are affected and maybe that will help me deal with my OA.

I am only 43 and have three teenagers, it takes a long time to accept it (don't think I really have). Its hard to live with and can be hard for others but they need to understand, I agree take him to an appointment or what about doing the spoon theory with him there is a link on here somewhere or type it into google. I really hope you feel better soon, you can PM me if you need to. xx