Is arthritis making me a horrible person in many ways?

Ankyspond

Hi all,

I am ashamed to say I had to wonder about something today and feel so bad about it.

As some know I teach and I have Ankylosing Spondilitis and possible RA and I am struggling at the minute with a flare up but always seem to be in pain. I was talking to a new tech teacher and she said she has RA, had it since she been 18 and injects Enbrel and takes methotrexte for the last two years. Exactly the same medication as i take, she gets no side effects only feeling tired, manages to teach full time, wears high heels, talks about going out partying at weekend and seems to live life to the full at the age of 25.

Now don't get me wrong I am thrilled for her that she has her RA under control but I did wonder why is it she can get so much relief and live life so much better than I seem to? Does that mean that not only is Arthritis is filling me with pain but also making me bitter, twisted sad old lady! Xx

valval

hi we have all been there but you are not a horrible person just human we would all wish the meds worked with no side affects ((())) val

julie47

Hi anky

You are not a horrible person I reckon we all feel like that sometimes.

sending you a hug (((((((())))))))))) to help cheer you up

juliepf x

roses1

Hi Anky,

She is one lucky lady!
AND
No that doesnt make you a horrible person just envious as we all are/would be.
me for one

Rose x

Ankyspond

Val, Julieof &Rose,

Thank you for your kind words and understanding, I am really pleased for the girl she is well but insuppose the correct word is envy really. Each night I am crying in pain and I wonder when it will all end or ease. Xx

roses1

Hi Anky,

It is a most awful illness that we endure and only we understand the agony pain and depression. All we can do is try to find the best way of coping and easing all this rubbish. Hard at times though!

Have some (((((hugs))))) a hot water bottle a fluffy bear and your favourite tipple hope you dont cry tonight

Rose x

speedalong

Hi Anky,

meds and arther affect people in different ways. Bet she is grumpy when she gets a flare up!! Don't beat yourself up about it.

Speedy

theresa4

Not at all Anky just look at all the support you give all of us on here. Im sure most of us with RA .. in fact most of us with an autoimmune feel a bit jealous when someone is responding to treatment and we have yet to find the right one
the B.... she can wear heels now Im jealous of that, mine are very lonely and unused ... but not unloved I havent worn mine for years.

I remember sitting with my rheumy nurse and saying how come Enbrel worked for so many and not me.

Im so pleased she is having a positive response to treatment and hopefully she will never be in the same position as us I do hope she isnt one of those who have RA and cant see what the problem is kinda girl.

There is nothing wrong with the way you feel Anky stop beating yourself up the RA will do that for you plenty without even asking

ritwren

Don't be beating yourself up for showing perfectly normal feelings. Most of us if we're honest are a tiny bit jealous of folk who are doing so much better than we and appear to be sailing through this disease while we are struggling.
At the same time we are wishing them well and being glad their treatment is working. I've been where you are and my feelings were similar to yours but with the help and support of people who understand you'll realise that it's something a lot of us feel sometimes.
I hope you get your pain relief sorted out and soon feel stronger and in less pain. Hang on in there, better times will come. Big hugs. Rita.

suzygirl

Heels???? Wow!!!!!!! :shock: I would be so envious of that, the shoe side of things does get me.

I think that this horrid illness brings out the worst side of me, bitter, irritable and grumpy. I think its the pain and frustration.

It would be unnatural not to feel those things. All of us would like to have an illness and not be bothered by it. Both my sons have asthma but experience it differently, trigger wise and symptoms and severity. No 2 people expereince things alike.

Hang in there, you are doing well.

sennacharib

I think that we would all feel that way, meeting someone who seems to not suffer as much, of course we would wonder if it was fair...we are only human

Your not bitter and twisted hun! You are suffering badly with everything you have going on, its tough to handle...bless u (((Hugs)))

Love Senna xxx

dreamdaisy

Of course you feel a twinge of envy, that proves you are human. I have had my heart broken more than once on here when people report fantastic improvements on the meds that I have taken, or am taking (apparently just for fun in my case) but I am genuinely pleased for them. It must be lovely, I hope they appreciate it to the full, and I always hope the better effects last for them for a good long while. Why would I not?

Everyone's arthritis is different, everyone is affected differently, we all react differently to the meds, we all cope differently with it all, we all struggle from time to time. At least we can come here and let off steam. That helps. DD

tiggernut

No you are not a horrible person. Just one of the unlucky ones like me.
She is very lucky.
99% of the time I don't let it get me down but 1% I think why me what did I do in my past life to deserve this crap!!
We are all different and all react differently to the drugs.
Don't be so hard on yourself.
Anita.

sarahthornton

I think we all feel like that at some point or other, it is natural. Sending you warm and cuddly thoughts to get you through to the weekend. Take care xx

stickywicket

Anky, Pollyanna is really quite an insufferable character. We can't all do an Eric Idle and 'Always Look On the Bright Side of Life'. There is loss in all this and it's only natural to mourn the losses. And sometimes, because we're human (You are human aren't you? Yup, thought so) we resent or envy the stuff others have that we don't. Even the good health. Even just the moderately less cr*ppy health.

You're not a horrible person. You come on here & support others in lots of ways. (How many people have benefitted hugely from your Pain Map?) You probably have your 'horrible moments'. I do. Just ask Mr SW. No, actually, please don't. He'll tell you the truth. He's the guy who bought me some bottles of beer called 'Bitter & Twisted'. Said he saw the label and, for some unaccountable reason, instantly thought of me, bless him.

You're doing OK. I promise I'll tell you if you're not.

Ankyspond

Hi all, you are so kind and your support is sooooooo good. I had a really nice long chat with the person at work today and she is taking a very high dose of Meth (much higher than me) and was very supportive and we were sharing thoughts and ideas which was nice (made me feel even more guilty) :roll: . It was very intresting that she was saying she doesn't eat anything with acid in or tomatoes and really thinks that makes a difference. So its no good I am gonna have to try to diet and cut out soem acid and carbs, now fingers crossed if it helps the pain but Mr Anky will be pulling his hair out if I lose weight and I HAVE to have a new wardrobe of clothes, mmmmmmmmmm. xxxx

Rose, thanks for you kind words you are right we have to deal with it the best way we can and sometimes, actually a lot fo the time its bloody hard isn’t it? Took your advice and had a tipple, did the trick. xx

Speedy, you are right does get us in different way, she must be grumpy when she has a flare (but do hope she doesn’t get one really). Thank you. Xx

Theresa, thanks for the lovely words, jealousy is a green eyes monster and not one I really wanted but I am envious of the heels, that was the one thing that made me really upset. Decided to get rid of mine, as was so hard seeing them in the cupboard and not being able to wear them.

Del, I am so glad you respond well to Enbrel, I do as well with my back and hips with my AS but doesn’t touch the rest of me knees, ankles, toes, fingers, wrists, elbows you know the drill………. I do get flares and having one now prob why I am being so mardy, he he.

Rita, I guess they are normal feelings I just feel so guilty to feel so envious, wouldn’t wish this on anyone (even my dog was diagnosed with it last week). Think they going to have to increase the meth next week as my life not so good at minute. Will get there in the end. Thank you. xx

Suzygirl, I know how good would it be to actually buy those beautiful heels in the shops instead of looking at them longingly and remembering the days we could wear them. I am sure we all have the worst side of us brought out by this disease, that’s my excuse anyway and I am sticking to it. Very much appreciated. Xx

Senna, really appreciate your kind words of support, does really make a difference to me. xx

DD wise words of wisdom again, thank you. I just wonder sometimes if I am wallowing in self pity and should be stronger but just gets to me. Thanks for letting me let off lots of steam, ha ha. xx

Anita, she is lucky but for that I am glad, just wish it was us as well. You are right there is always that little bit of the time when it gets us and we question it but hey we will get through it. xx

Sarahthornton, thank you for your kind words, I can feel those good vibes coming through. My weekend starts now as I don’t teach Friday and Monday (due to Arthritis) so I am there, whoopee. xxx

Sticky, I like to think I am human but who knows anymore, ha ha. Isn’t envy one of the seven deadly sins, oh well no hope for me then is there? I am so glad so many people are benefiting from the pain map, I will be using it next week when back at hospital. Its funny you say that about Mr SW cos I think Mr Anky would have the same opinion of me but I have no idea why he would or could think such a thing! Nice to know you would tell me, thanks. xx

suzygirl

Hi Anky, that is interesting about her diet. I am not a great believer in that kind of thing. However, I do try and avoid tomatoes as I have noticed they do make me worse. Bit tricky really to avoid them, but I try!!!

You will have to update us, to see if it makes any difference.