The phrase that drives me crazy!

lindalegs

The phrase that drives me absolutely crazy and makes me want to commit GBH is 'It's alright for you you're used to pain!'
:evil :evil
Does anyone else ever hear this?

Even one of my brothers when he sprained his ankle and I was empathising with his pain dared to utter the above phrase. :roll:

What makes other people think that when you're faced with pain daily it makes it any easier? I do know when my joints are feeling better and certainly when I'm having a good day/spell and I've learnt how to manage my pain but a bad day will always be a bad day whether I'm used to it or not!

So two questions my cyber friends.

1 Do any of you think a person can get used to pain? 2 Is there any phrase from a non-arthritic which makes you angry?

I think that was a Legs-rant-special. :shock: :oops:

valval

we all put up with aches and pains we just have to get on with it not said in bad way but gets right up my nose

no you do not get used to pain you might find ways to cope

dreamdaisy

Do we get used to pain? No. Do we accept it and plod on regardless? Yes, and that is part of its dangers: we are used to unreasonably high levels of discomfort and don't necessarily spot when it is going too far. As for your bro, well I reckon that is the typically insensitve and non-understanding comment that those living without chronic pain will make. I was on the receiving end of a fair few last night from a well-meaning friend, I just let it wash over me. Obviously she knows better. :roll: (She thinks she knows better on all sorts of topics, she's that sort.)

As for the other comments these are some of my faves.

Oh, it's only arthritis.
My granny had that and she only used a stick.
You're too young for it.
You should go to the doctor.
Why don't you go to a healer? I do and there's nothing wrong with me.
Oh, I had arthritis and it went.
People like you should use the lift. (recently uttered to me in M&S by a sprightly lady in her 70s who trotted down the stairs like a young gal.)

And the most insulting? You must turn to God, you have the Devil inside you and only God can cure that.

People cannot fully understand chronic pain until they experience it for themselves. I've always thought that and always will. They may well empathise but empathy is not the same as understanding. DD

fayrose

All those things are heart-breaking Legs and no it never gets easier to tolerate.
My worst shock was when my OH, who I thought was 'on my side' and understood, said, out of the blue. " Oh will you stop with that stupid groaning noise, it's driving me mad."

Realised at that point that me ... and us ... are on our own really.

Hugs from me Legs xxx

tiggernut

Yes I do believe you do get used to pain if you have it all the time.
That's not to say it makes it any better!
As for things that people say that annoy me:
I was diagnosed at 15 and I have RA. Very deformed hands and feet and 2 x TKR 2 x elbow replacements a total ankle replacement and knuckle joints.
When someone says to me "oh I know how you feel I have arthritis in my finger" One finger I wish!!
Or what was said to me once "Oh my god I'd hate to have hands like you I like sewing"!! I replied well do you think I like it then?
Another one when an old guy in his 80's started getting a bit of arthritis said "I said to my wife I hope I don't end up like her"!
Don't you just love em!
A classic is when they assume I have rheumatism! again if only.
Well I could go on but I won't.
Anita.

hileena111

No I dont think you actually "get used to pain" you accept it, you learn how to cope, you learn how to do things differently but you dont get used to it.

I'm a Christian DD knows that and I think we have chatted about this before.

I've met people that say Christians dont get pain...if you do....you havent got enough faith to be healed. An ex pastor...was like that....No such thing as pain if you were a Christian. Well he is now in his 70s and starting to suffer with pain and has to keep his mouth shut.....cant say he has pain but you can see by the way he walks and things his wife says {she doesnt believe the same as him} All a load of tripe!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh dont get me started :roll: I'll get off my soap box now
Love
Hileena

lindalegs

I'm with you all on this, everything you've said I've heard from non-arthurs and it's hurts more when it's those who are closest to us. :shock:

I've thought of another two:

How can you paint with hands like that :shock:

and have you tried any alternative therapies ...................have I what :shock: I've tried 'em all and look, no cure :roll:

Bring on the soap boxes I feel we'll need a few!

tjt6768

I'm another that's had the.. Oh, you're far too young for arthritis.
And, well you look fit and healthy... :evil
I'm sorry that I don't conform to YOUR stereo type of an arthritic sufferer..

I've had pain in my knees for thirty years almost now, it makes me sad to say it out loud do to speak.. And back has been hurting since about 1994, and that's never stopped.. Tried everything for that...
Now got the hands, wrists and elbows joining in for the last yr and a half maybe a little more.. I'm useless at remembering things like that...

I guess I'm used top it, only enough to keep me coping, just.. It still makes me feel sick each day. Only time I'm not suffering is when I'm asleep really.

And as we all know, that can be a rare thing for us lot :roll:

jillyb1

I too have heard the usual ones : " but you're too young for that " , " I had that but it's better now " , " wait till you get to my age , then you'll know what pain is " ( said while running up stairs ) , " it's fine for you as you're used to pain and can live with it ok " . Better stop now as I'm getting crosser and crosser but good to know that each and every one of us hears the same stupid remarks . Jillyb

kellerman

My eldest daughter said "but your only 63" Nanna didn't have a bad back at that age.
This is the daughter who will never understand so I have decided to save my breath. I need it!!!!
May

YorkshireLass

There was one phrase that used to get my goat. When I had my periods they were really, really bad, the pain was so extreme I would literally pass out and would then be as sick as a dog for about an hour, this would happen every single month and it meant a day off school and subsequently a day off work aswell.

The one phrase that would wind me up and of course usually came form other women was:- "We all get stomach ache". If I'd had a loaded gun then I would have used it

Eventually I had a hysterectomy in 2000, when I was 33. So to all those women who told me we all get stomach ache, did you have to go through the same as me in the end???

(Sorry if I sound rather bitter) :oops:

barbara12

The one I love..well hate is yeah my joints hurts when its going to rain....from somebody that doesn't have arthur
And another...you should exercise like I do....ok I went to the bl**dy gym for over 20 years...
And this one...just get your hip replaced..Mrs such a body down the road was carrying shopping bags a few days after..they think its like having a tooth out... :shock:
now I am going away to think of some more....thanks legs..this is good therapy....

julie47

Ahhhhh I have read all these posts and yes a few of them are familiar.

I think we do get used to pain, and we also get used to coping.

Phase.....But you are only young (not any more at 48 but I suppose I should be flattered)

juliepf x

angie1973

Pain is a funny old thing yes. It's like when someone has the flu for example, if you don't have the flu at that exact same time, it's hard to truly sympathise with their suffering.

Same with pain, but then the pain can be different. The pain you feel when you stub your toe, or the pain you feel with the ongoing torture that is arthur or similar kinds of things.

But I don't think long term pain is something you get used to. As other have said, you learn to manage it, or live with it, or cope with it. And actually I've seen people NOT cope with it and end up in a right state over it.

People lose sympathy really quickly, that's the problem. When your issue is a life longer, people forget that life long really is forever, and that doesn't go away.

I've had all sorts.

Have you tried this, have you done that, because so and so did that for their verruca and I'm sure it will cure your arthritis......

That machine needs inventing. You know the one you can share the pain with someone (like the woman in labour joke)?

Then on a really bad day you could share the experience and then ask them 'how would you like that 24/7?'. They would soon shut up trying to give out advice for something they don't understand then.

But then you have you also understand that for someone not in long term pain, it's really hard to relate how pain can effect everything you do in life, from your mood, to what you can do that day.

If it was as easy as going down the spare parts shop and putting a new bit on, we would all be bloomin body popping down wouldn't we?

dopeykit

Argh, I have had all of those. Made me laugh so much reading them all.

The 'have you tried unicorn poo it cured my great aunt Esmerelda' is my least favourite or 'my gran has that' or 'oh, yes I have that in my left little toe'.

I also get driven bonkers trying to explain to people the difference between auto-immune arthritis and osteoarthritis (and that you can have both at the same time). Oh, and my Mum has a new one that makes me and the OH giggle 'I heard x got better when she got pregnant' :eek:

xkit

dreamdaisy

I have learned on here that those with RA can go into remission when pregnant but then it tends to return with some force once they are not.

Another one: I am sure it hurts but you can still get on with things. (Said to me by my friend Linda, (not legs tho legs is a friend!) on Saturday night, this from a girl who had spent her day digging the garden and playing hockey.) DD

tkachev

Crumbs you've started something here. Lots of silly things said to us....

Mine happened on Friday with a very lovely lady but she uttered the words

'So you have Arthritis but you went on to have more children'.

(I had my daughter after the onset of R.A).

I have expected someone to say that to me since she was conceived but nobody had yet uttered those words before!

For the record I blame my boyfriend!

Elizabeth x
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