Guilty....

wannabewriter
wannabewriter Member Posts: 114
edited 27. Sep 2011, 05:54 in Living with Arthritis archive
I felt so guilty on Saturday :(

I had spent the day out with family, shuffling around museums. While I had a lovely time, it really took its toll on me, especially me poor old knees, and by the time I was waiting for the bus home I could barely stand it hurt so much.

When I finally got on the bus, one of the only seats left on the lower deck (me, upper deck? Having a laugh aren’t you?! The step up from the pavement to bus was enough of a challenge) was a priority seat. I felt justified in taking it. But then an old lady sat next to me (not a problem in itself, I don’t have some irrational fear of old ladies), and she prodded me in the (painful, fibro-worn) shoulder and said ‘there’s another lady coming on who needs the seat’. Granted, I could see this lady getting on the bus too, and she did look as though she needed the seat.

I had an ultimate dilemma: stand in agony, and give up my seat, or staunchly sit there?


I made my decision: I staunchly sat there. I said to the lady who prodded me, ‘well, I do actually have a disability too, but I will move’ at which point, in her gracious defence, she was apologetic and said not to worry about it. But of course, others overheard the conversation and I got glared at for not giving up my seat (which, I have to say, 9 times out of 10 I really honestly do give up for those – even for those awkward ‘is she pregnant? Isn’t she?’ women). I turned around and made sure the lady managed to find a seat further back down the bus (she did) and think I would have got up if she hadn’t found one.

But I felt soooo guilty the whole way home for being stubborn. I think what got me (apart from being grumpy from being in pain after a long day) was that, yet again, there was the assumption that I should give up my seat because I am young and therefore must be totally healthy and not, in fact, suffering a chronic condition which makes it difficult to stand on occasion.

Was I justified? Or was I just being really, really rude?

:(

WW

Comments

  • daylily
    daylily Member Posts: 619
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Definately justified I think. People assume because we look ok we are ok.

    My landlady lives above our flat and right up to the hip operation she kept saying 'But you look alright' Think it's dawned on her now.

    chin up, if you're in pain you needed that seat
  • julie47
    julie47 Member Posts: 6,041
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Definately Justified.

    I can understand how you felt, guilty at not giving up your seat but hey you were in a lot of pain and pain can make you feeel sick and unsteady.. The lady sat next to you should not have even mentioned that you should give up your seat. (wasn't my mil was it :lol: )
    even if she did apologize later.

    Hope you are much better today
    Juliepf x
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 29,821
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Wannabe

    you did the right thing there!!!!

    You challenged the stereotype and you won.

    People need to think before they open their mouths.

    Love

    Toni xx
  • janie68
    janie68 Member Posts: 1,186
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    WW

    You did good there! The lady wasnt of a later year was she? If so, then why does she think they are more deserving of you who has a disability?

    Janie
  • valval
    valval Member Posts: 14,911
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    you did the right thing i give up seats but it gets to me a bit as i pay full fair and they pay nothing it not fair some how
    val
  • constable
    constable Member Posts: 2,115
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Yes, I certainly agree that you did the right thing, you were in a lot of pain and had every right to sit there so don't worry yourself over this.


    karen xx
    Karen xx
  • hileena111
    hileena111 Member Posts: 7,099
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    No doubt about it.....You were justified.
    Its not a lot different from the threads that get started on here about blue badges and how we get glared at.
    You needed the seat....OK you had to explain because you dont fit the sterotype but apart from that .....I think you did right....sit firmly there.
    Love
    Hileena
  • wannabewriter
    wannabewriter Member Posts: 114
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thank you all so much for your replies :) I’m glad to know I wasn’t just being pig-headed about it! You’re right, it is annoying that I have to point it out to people sometimes, but I’m glad you all agree I did the right thing. Usually I will give up my seat, but that day I was just so sore. (And still, today, the knees are complaining! Must’ve been that classic museum-shuffle, harder work than you think!).

    Thank you :)
  • tjt6768
    tjt6768 Member Posts: 12,170
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    good on ya wannabe.. some older folks can be so assuming and also down right rude sometimes.
    You probably needed that seat more than the lady did. There are a few elderly folks that are so much healthier and fitter than a lot of us younger ones that just have the wrong attitude.
    If it's possible physically, I will always give up a seat for someone elderly but sometimes ad in your case it's just not the right thing to do.
    e050.gifMe-Tony
    n035.gifRa-1996 -2013 RIP...
    k040.gif
    Cleo - 1996 to 2011. RIP