Guilty....

wannabewriter

I felt so guilty on Saturday

I had spent the day out with family, shuffling around museums. While I had a lovely time, it really took its toll on me, especially me poor old knees, and by the time I was waiting for the bus home I could barely stand it hurt so much.

When I finally got on the bus, one of the only seats left on the lower deck (me, upper deck? Having a laugh aren’t you?! The step up from the pavement to bus was enough of a challenge) was a priority seat. I felt justified in taking it. But then an old lady sat next to me (not a problem in itself, I don’t have some irrational fear of old ladies), and she prodded me in the (painful, fibro-worn) shoulder and said ‘there’s another lady coming on who needs the seat’. Granted, I could see this lady getting on the bus too, and she did look as though she needed the seat.

I had an ultimate dilemma: stand in agony, and give up my seat, or staunchly sit there?


I made my decision: I staunchly sat there. I said to the lady who prodded me, ‘well, I do actually have a disability too, but I will move’ at which point, in her gracious defence, she was apologetic and said not to worry about it. But of course, others overheard the conversation and I got glared at for not giving up my seat (which, I have to say, 9 times out of 10 I really honestly do give up for those – even for those awkward ‘is she pregnant? Isn’t she?’ women). I turned around and made sure the lady managed to find a seat further back down the bus (she did) and think I would have got up if she hadn’t found one.

But I felt soooo guilty the whole way home for being stubborn. I think what got me (apart from being grumpy from being in pain after a long day) was that, yet again, there was the assumption that I should give up my seat because I am young and therefore must be totally healthy and not, in fact, suffering a chronic condition which makes it difficult to stand on occasion.

Was I justified? Or was I just being really, really rude?



WW

daylily

Definately justified I think. People assume because we look ok we are ok.

My landlady lives above our flat and right up to the hip operation she kept saying 'But you look alright' Think it's dawned on her now.

chin up, if you're in pain you needed that seat

julie47

Definately Justified.

I can understand how you felt, guilty at not giving up your seat but hey you were in a lot of pain and pain can make you feeel sick and unsteady.. The lady sat next to you should not have even mentioned that you should give up your seat. (wasn't my mil was it )
even if she did apologize later.

Hope you are much better today
Juliepf x

frogmorton

Wannabe

you did the right thing there!!!!

You challenged the stereotype and you won.

People need to think before they open their mouths.

Love

Toni xx

janie68

WW

You did good there! The lady wasnt of a later year was she? If so, then why does she think they are more deserving of you who has a disability?

Janie

valval

you did the right thing i give up seats but it gets to me a bit as i pay full fair and they pay nothing it not fair some how

constable

Yes, I certainly agree that you did the right thing, you were in a lot of pain and had every right to sit there so don't worry yourself over this.


karen xx

hileena111

No doubt about it.....You were justified.
Its not a lot different from the threads that get started on here about blue badges and how we get glared at.
You needed the seat....OK you had to explain because you dont fit the sterotype but apart from that .....I think you did right....sit firmly there.
Love
Hileena

wannabewriter

Thank you all so much for your replies I’m glad to know I wasn’t just being pig-headed about it! You’re right, it is annoying that I have to point it out to people sometimes, but I’m glad you all agree I did the right thing. Usually I will give up my seat, but that day I was just so sore. (And still, today, the knees are complaining! Must’ve been that classic museum-shuffle, harder work than you think!).

Thank you

tjt6768

good on ya wannabe.. some older folks can be so assuming and also down right rude sometimes.
You probably needed that seat more than the lady did. There are a few elderly folks that are so much healthier and fitter than a lot of us younger ones that just have the wrong attitude.
If it's possible physically, I will always give up a seat for someone elderly but sometimes ad in your case it's just not the right thing to do.