How SAD am I?

tjt6768

Morning hun.
I'm really sorry to hear about 'things' with ya mum.. That can't be easy.. And coming to stay for a fortnight :shock: You are either a true Saint or a glutton for punishment.. I think the way she has reacted to the fact that you have been, and I know reluctantly, on anti depressants is terrible. And I don't think the generational thing is a good enough excuse.. :???:
I can but wish you all the best with the fortnight :shock:

Halogen you say? Did you get one way back then? From JL?
Hope you are enjoying it..

Poppyg1rl

Oh DD, you sound low sweetie, your Mum seems to be in a great deal of denial with you and your illness, does she not realise how much your life has changed because of being chronically ill? Firing back was probably the best thing you could have done, she needs to realise how things are in reality, not how she wishes/thinks things are, honesty is sometimes the best policy, not always, but sometimes.
Sending you love and hugs always (((((()))))) Xxx

traluvie

DD..

I hope when your mom comes to stay that she realises how things are for you and will support you rather than upset you...
I think Moms are important..I am not fortunate to be in touch with my mom, but would love her to be around for me, but too be honest i doubt she would be any support anyway. I messaged her on facebook to ask about ant family health problems explaining i wasn't too well..Her message consisted of sorry to hear you are not well mom...That was it..
I really hope your moms attitude changes and she gives you the support you need..
You are a brave lady having your mom for 2 weeks,, i hope you don't end up pulling your hair out.. i hope it brings you closer together...Good luck..xx

ps maybe show her the forum so she can get a picture of how it is??

stickywicket

dreamdaisy wrote:

Apparently I lack moral fibre, backbone, spirit and yet again I have let her down.

That would be funny except that, when we are laid low by the bilhooks of arthritis, we are inclined to believe it. I don't think your Mum'll get any takers for that on here, DD.

Mum's are a perennial problem. I think they probably want to 'mend stuff' (when the 'stuff' is their own children) even more than blokes and frequently take the wrong routes - especially when there is no right route to the nirvana of 'Mend'. Mine moved (with much discouragement on our part) to a bungalow over our garden wall in order to 'be of more help' to me. Oh yeah.

I think perhaps Tony is right and you are another candidate for sainthood. This is getting nauseous.

dreamdaisy

I can wait for Sunday. She is one of those difficult women, she has an opinion on everything despite experiencing very little in life, she is good at telling those around here what they can or cannot do, I 'let the side down' by using my crutches, she deplores my raised toilet seat (Does that really have to be in the bathroom? It's so ugly.) My particular favourite is 'If you think crippled, you will be crippled. You need to think yourself better.' D'oh! Is THAT the secret? How COULD I be so stupid?

My sole regret about not breeding is that I cannot do the same in my turn. I'll have to do it to Mr DD instead. Like that would work!

stickywicket

dreamdaisy wrote:

she deplores my raised toilet seat (Does that really have to be in the bathroom? It's so ugly.)

Ideally, where would she like it to be? Could get messy.

traluvie

'If you think crippled, you will be crippled. You need to think yourself better.' D'oh! Is THAT the secret? How COULD I be so stupid?

Maybe she is thinking of reverse physcology :?: :?:
either way she loves you and cares, just being quite brunt at times doesn't help, hope her 2 weeks with you changes her perception on things..

theresa4

Hi DD
You must be a saint I think I would buckle under that kind Of stress and tell my mother not to bother visiting.
As for the think like a cripple be a cripple I get that comment from many of my inlaws who insist if I ignore it it won't be as bad. If I exercise the pain will be less. I should try this remedy as it's proven to work. Why won't I try them don't I want to get better. I was fine last week what could be wron this week maybe I pick my weeks to avoid stuff.
Just lately I've been avoiding them! My oh can't understand why but he can't appreciate it's wearing me down and Arthur really doesn't need any help there so **** em all.
Keep trying with the lamp ignore the negativity and good luck with your visitors and don't forget to vent on here x x
Theresa x x

dreamdaisy

She's seen me since the beginning, traluvie, through the operations, the radio-active treatment, the whole fifteen years. She is an opinionated, know-it-all 88 year old who also has a hint of the twerp gene: she refuses to use a stick, preferring to cling onto me when we are out and about. :roll: (That's why she doesn't like my crutches!) No matter, the two weeks will pass, they always do.

dreamdaisy

No Theresa, I'm not a saint, I'm an only child. DD

julie47

Hi DD

Pretty stickers in the post to decorate that raised seat

Juliepf x

tjt6768

I think you should paint le bog seat sh1t brown, it would look ever so much nicer and maybe, instead of in the bathroom hang it on the wall over whichever bed she will be occupying..
St DD of Psorisis (sp)
And
St Tony of Cheek
I could go for that, lol

elnafinn

Aw, DD I am so sorry about your mum. You are good to see her, let alone have her to stay with you and Mr. DD.

You are gonna need that light box. It ain't fair. Would you like to borrow my wonderful MIL for a while?

Love
Elna x

elnafinn

DD, do keep calling in here whilst your mother is with you. We will try to keep you sane during that long 2 weeks and if you feel like doing something you may regret defo call in here and have a rant instead.

I am so sorry it has always been like this for you. You really are good to have her in your home longer than one hour.

Love
Elna x

CJHunter

dreamdaisy wrote:

I can wait for Sunday. She is one of those difficult women, she has an opinion on everything despite experiencing very little in life, she is good at telling those around here what they can or cannot do, I 'let the side down' by using my crutches, she deplores my raised toilet seat (Does that really have to be in the bathroom? It's so ugly.) My particular favourite is 'If you think crippled, you will be crippled. You need to think yourself better.' D'oh! Is THAT the secret? How COULD I be so stupid?

My sole regret about not breeding is that I cannot do the same in my turn. I'll have to do it to Mr DD instead. Like that would work!

Hi DD, I dont envy you, enjoy her while you can though. Hope stay is not toooo much of a strain. we are all her if you need t let off steam
Clare.xx

theresa4

I feellike an only child most of the time. My mum is bi polar and very self centred. My dad skipped to leicester, my brother is in wolverhamptom and my sister is psychotic, self centred and just plain nasty. So guess who looks after my mum

She tries to be sympathetic to the fact Im in pain, tired or just dwonright p***off and need space but often she slams the phone down after calling me a B**** because my hands hurt too much to continue holding the phone after 30 minutes and i need to go. :shock: I know its because she is lonely she lives 12 miles away which doesnt seem far but its rural roads after a busy centre and takes a good half hour which is painful on my hands, nowhere near a loo :shock: not to mention The drive back too.

Tony love the toilet seat idea

mums eh....
Theresa

cacyhi

Mums eh? what a subject - even trickier than religion tony!

DD its a shame your mum does not give you the kind of support that you wish. Its hard though. My mum is 88 now and I hate to see her worrying about me so much at the moment. I know she suffers seeing me the way I am at the moment more than from her own ailments. In some way this makes me feel guilty, especially as she often says she feels its her fault I have RA (and even more so because my elder sister had MS) She feels it is all her fault. However she has been an incredible practical and emotional support to me all the way through and especially when my children were younger - no mum could have done more. I am just lucky that my other sister is fit enough to look after her now she's older.

I know I am the same - i feel responsible for some of the pysical problems my children have inherited! We women do guilt and reponsibility so well,dont we?

I just hope that the visit does not affect your health DD. I hope you have lots of plans to take her out and about if possible to keep you both busy!!!

I too am battling depression and alot of my problems at the moment are due to issues with those meds. You are not alone -people dont like talking about "mental health" as much as physical symptoms.

You sound such a caring person DD - you would probably have been a very different kind of mum.

As all your friends say, keep on the forum when she is with you - you knowthere will be plenty of hugs andsmiles for you. x

hileena111

Aww DD sunshine
I'm so sorry.....and I dont know how you will manage 2 full weeks.
My mam is in Northern Ireland and I'm NE England as you know so dont see her much but we keep in touch by phone all the time. She is more concerned about me than she is about herself and her own ailments which are worse than mine...she is 88.
But after saying all that when I go to her I never stay more than a week and when she comes here {although hasnt in the past couple of years} shes the same...a week is about as long as we can stand each other
So how you will cope with your mam for a fortnight I dont know....dont think you are a saint but she certainly doesnt deserve a daughter like you....will she be with you all of the time or will she be away/out or whatever a little bit of time??? What does Mr DD think about it?
As Elna and others have said...please come on here while she is with you and keep your sanity. Never thought I would be saying come and talk to us and keep your sanity
Love
Hileena

elnafinn

I totally agree with you Hileena, I think DD is so good to her mum to have her visit for such a long time. I have never had any of the family to stay for two weeks. As much as I love my mum and MIL, that would be far too long. A weekend would be really enjoyable, any longer than that I feel would begin to become a little strained for both parties. You are a very good daughter, DD, whatever your mum says/thinks and Mr DD great too for ok-ing it.

Love
Elna x

traluvie

After reading everything DD, i truly believe you are a legend to be able to have your mom stay with you..
I wouldn't be able to have my mother in law live with me for 2 weeks she would drive me mad..
Make sure you and Mr DD support eachother and not fall out, bite that tongue, you will probably have a very sore tongue after 2 weeks..
Like others have said fancy letting off steam then we will be here..xx

Mat48

Delighted to read of improvement in both health and demeanour DD! Is SAD same as Vit D deficiency do you know or is one a symptom of the other? In the far North where I live daylight is pretty short-lived in winter. There is a higher incidence of MS here than anywhere else in the World. It's not sad to address SAD - I want one! Let us know how it goes and hope that you keep feeling better. Mat x

vonski

Oh! dear DD you have so much to deal with it just is not fair, I wish I had a magic wand to help you. Having your mum to stay for two weeks makes you a saint, If my mother, father or brother came to see me for 5 minutes I wouldn't be happy. But families can be a blessing or a curse. Rest up for a while before you even think about tidying a space for your sun light, winter is a long month. You have the light now so there is no rush. Like others have said please post on here when things get too hard and we will try and make you feel brighter you are not alone.
Lots of love
Vonski x

lalla

Hope your Mums visit goes better than you fear.I have my 91 yr sometimes confused Mum live with me.She has many elements of Mrs Bucket(Bouquet) and can always find a way of putting me down or comparing me or my children or grandchildren unfavourably with my Sisters.Some say they hurt the one nearest because they feel safe to do so, other people say what a lovely lady she is, but they dont see the other side of her. I took my mum and my friend to look for some clothes(thats hard enough) I tried on a lovely knitted coat, I felt good but Mum gave me her withering look that speaks a thousand words, but I bought it anyway (rebellion )!!!!my friend was in the changing room and wouldnt come out, she said she couldnt bear THE LOOK. Take care 2 weeks will soon go (((())))) Linda

Mat48

Sorry to read about you mother problems DD. I had a very powerful, dominating set of parents who both died v suddenly - each at the age of 73 - six years apart. As the 2nd anniversary of my mum's death approaches I do miss her terribly - and on my own in hotel room have little chats with her where she tells me how brave and wonderful I'm being. Unfortunately she then becomes more herself and goes on to say similar stuff to your mum - about being more robust, pulling myself together - challenging the medics and telling me I should see a shrink because all this joint pain and wotnot is probably all in my head etc!

Even after death our parents stay around giving us looks and reminding us of our failings?! In lots of ways I'm relieved and feel liberated by my parents being both gone - in practical, physical ways most of all as would hate my mum to have witnessed my decline in mobility and into pain - she would have been a mix of worried, angry/ exasperated and adoring and I know i wouldn't have coped with any of these too well just now. She was always there for me and now she's not and I do miss her terribly but the reality is that a small part of me feels some relief that I don't have to worry about her anymore or my dad..?

Sympathies - you have mine DD. Mat xx

Poppyg1rl

Hi DD, when is your Mum coming to stay? I love mine dearly but cosby have her stay with me for 2 weeks :sad: neither of us would get out alive! I don't know about your situation, but the problem with me and my mum is we are too alike abd clash, I see it now, but couldnt when I was younger. I think you're a star hugs (((((()))))) Xxx