sex again

valval
valval Member Posts: 14,911
edited 11. Oct 2011, 15:57 in Living with Arthritis archive
i know we did this a while back but last night ended up in pain just by doing what comes natural.
must admit it not often that am in the mood, am pain free enough to want to and get rid of both lads so we have house to our selves.
well knee bad at moment but was in the mood how do you all manage not to cause your self more pain. it would be totally unfair to stop all together for oh he great and does not often moan but do know he normal 52 year old and well we do have needs out selves.but is it worth being up a lot of the night in pain any ideas will be welcome val

ps rehab behave
val
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Comments

  • traluvie
    traluvie Member Posts: 2,579
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Val

    It can be very hard to keep an active sex life when we are struggling ourselves, and as you say men still have needs although they say they don't mind..
    I find the best position for me is OH doing it from behind, not putting too much strain on my joints and i can let him do all the work lol...
    th_tn_TisFORTIGGER.jpgxxTracyxx
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,764
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Val, I found an earlier thread on this 'A bit personal' & bumped it up for you. I don't think I've anything more to add but I wish you luck. It's important both for partners.
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • valval
    valval Member Posts: 14,911
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    traluvie wrote:
    Hi Val

    It can be very hard to keep an active sex life when we are struggling ourselves, and as you say men still have needs although they say they don't mind..
    I find the best position for me is OH doing it from behind, not putting too much strain on my joints and i can let him do all the work lol...


    thanks fro reply it a hard one and one we do not like to talk about might give it ago when knee a little better lol
    val
  • valval
    valval Member Posts: 14,911
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    stickywicket wrote:
    Val, I found an earlier thread on this 'A bit personal' & bumped it up for you. I don't think I've anything more to add but I wish you luck. It's important both for partners.


    thanks could not remember what it was called val
    val
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Good on you for going for it, if it's on the agenda then pre-load with as many dullers as you can and have fun! For some it's important, for others they can take it or leave it and for the rest it's 'Oh yes, I remember that.' We are all different in what we need. Roll on the holiday, eh? :wink: DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • valval
    valval Member Posts: 14,911
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    dreamdaisy wrote:
    Good on you for going for it, if it's on the agenda then pre-load with as many dullers as you can and have fun! For some it's important, for others they can take it or leave it and for the rest it's 'Oh yes, I remember that.' We are all different in what we need. Roll on the holiday, eh? :wink: DD


    quite looking foward to the injection now scared but know i need it even if it only short term help will be welcome val
    val
  • constable
    constable Member Posts: 2,115
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Well I'm sorry to say I've forgotten what it's like. Poor Hubby just can't manage anything that strenuous. Well nowaday's he cant do much at all. It doesn't worry me, although had the hip done now various other pains keep my mind off of sex, and being frightened that he will really hurt himself if he ever could.

    Good on you lot that can still keep it going.

    karen xx
    Karen xx
  • traluvie
    traluvie Member Posts: 2,579
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Meant to say Val it is the spoon position i am referring too..Me on my knees?? you got no chance lol.. :lol:
    th_tn_TisFORTIGGER.jpgxxTracyxx
  • pepperflo
    pepperflo Member Posts: 91
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Now me I prefer a hot choccy and a good book, and of course my own bedroom, don't get me wrong I love my Hubby to bits, and I feel awful for him, but I have just lost total interest in that side of our relationship.
  • theresa4
    theresa4 Member Posts: 696
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Val
    I know how you feel Im 40 and my OH 44 and we are pretty much doing nothing at all.
    When we do manage to its either him on top or spooning unless Ive had a steroid then skys the limit :wink:

    Theresa
    There are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart...pursue those. --Michael Nolan



    Theresa xxx
  • valval
    valval Member Posts: 14,911
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    theresa4 wrote:
    Hi Val
    I know how you feel Im 40 and my OH 44 and we are pretty much doing nothing at all.
    When we do manage to its either him on top or spooning unless Ive had a steroid then skys the limit :wink:

    Theresa


    i got injection on wed this hol could be fun then :oops: might give him heart attack if not carefull lol spooning sounds like good idea will save knee a lot of pain thanks
    val
  • lupin15
    lupin15 Member Posts: 2,182
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Must admit it is a good thread as this must effect loads of people. I must admit i can take it or leave it....but that is due to no oestrogen in my system which is not a lot of fun for hubby although he has he problems with his back and knees. Me and my hips and back we make a right pair :lol::lol::lol::lol: My mind maybe be willing but the body has this knack of letting us down. But we have found hubby behind....means no presser on knees as such.
  • valval
    valval Member Posts: 14,911
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    you are all great thanks given me loads to think of not sure when mood will take again but good to be ready val
    val
  • pepperflo
    pepperflo Member Posts: 91
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Lupin you have just made my day, I thought it was just me, who can take it or leave it mainly leaving it, due to early menapause. I'm the hRT patches now, but with no improvement yet, I think my Hubby thought I was going to be like a rampant rabbit once I got on those :lol:
    At bedtime I'm that tired and in pain its the last thing on my mind, and I'm not a morning person, it takes me all my time to talk to myself never mind anyone else, and sex is the last thing on my mind.
    I love my Husband to bits and he is very understanding, but I do feel guilty sometimes, I even told him when I was having one of my down days, to go and find someone else if he wants it that much, and he just said I would rather go without than be with someone else.
    I have always said there is more to life than sex, just having each other should be enough.
  • valval
    valval Member Posts: 14,911
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    a cuddle is great, but sex is part of life i also started going through menopause early with all that brings and arther so yes sex in near bottom of list. val
    val
  • liesa
    liesa Member Posts: 821
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    pepperflo wrote:
    At bedtime I'm that tired and in pain its the last thing on my mind, and I'm not a morning person, it takes me all my time to talk to myself never mind anyone else, and sex is the last thing on my mind.
    I love my Husband to bits and he is very understanding, but I do feel guilty sometimes, I even told him when I was having one of my down days, to go and find someone else if he wants it that much, and he just said I would rather go without than be with someone else.
    I have always said there is more to life than sex, just having each other should be enough.

    had to reread, thought i had written this... only 51 and thought as the baby making days were soooooooooooo behind us we would have 'us' time... think the meds cut the urge... :cry: I even asked my Dr if he could give me viagra....lol he say no...lol i asked could he give hubby something to make him lose the urge...lol he say no..... :lol:
    love and hugs
    8997C823B17A6252CBCA252F4BF2932D.png
  • pepperflo
    pepperflo Member Posts: 91
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Love it Leisa, they used to give men bromide to stop the urge wonder if you can still buy it :lol:
  • tkachev
    tkachev Member Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Its all so much effort and I find it difficult, the mind is willing though which just makes it all so frustrating.

    Elizabeth
    Never be bullied into silence.
    Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
    Accept no ones definition of your life

    Define yourself........

    Harvey Fierstein
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Blood pressure tablets work just as well. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • pepperflo
    pepperflo Member Posts: 91
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    My Husband is on blood pressure tablets and they don't work for him, maybe he needs a stronger dose :lol:
  • valval
    valval Member Posts: 14,911
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    dreamdaisy wrote:
    Blood pressure tablets work just as well. DD
    do they work to rise things or smother them am on them and hrt nothing seems to make things rise on regular basis lol
    val
  • woodbon
    woodbon Member Posts: 4,969
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I thought I'd gone right off, not just the position thing, but I felt well, tired and old. I read the story of Kate McCann, the mother of that little girl Madalane, she tells how she went off sex for a long time and in the end just started doing it again for her husband, but then she found she was enjoying it slowly as time passed.
    I decided to look at it that way, and slowly 'worked' on the practical, comfort side of things and now I'm fine. Not the young and active person I was when in my 20s and 30s but, not bad for 56!!! :oops:
    Its also made my confidence improve and my self respect go up!
    Love Sue
  • angie1973
    angie1973 Member Posts: 248
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I'm only 37 and hubby is 43, and I actually find him really 'phhwwooarr' which is great. My problem is, I get so tired during the day, I go up first in the evening and get washed etc, and then he follows after.

    If he's not quick enough, I'm dropped off, and I've been doing that loads recently, I think catching up from times where I'm awake a lot in the night, as I always start off well, then spend ages tossing and turning all night.

    So if he takes too long, I'm out cold! I actually don't mind top or bottom, but I have to say when it's bottom, I have tremendous pain in my shoulders and neck after the event when we are 'cuddling' which I would never say of course, as it would spoil a beautiful moment.

    I feel bad when I've got up the next morning and I know he was probably in the mood, but he never complains bless him.

    It's really hard as medication I'm sure effects a lot of people. And pain is never good for fuelling the fires of passion is it! And it's true when they say quality not quantity. I make the most of it when it happens. Think you have to when you can.
    _______________________

    Only 99.9% possessed by the giggle monster.........the other 0.01 % just eats chocolate..
  • Wonkylegs
    Wonkylegs Member Posts: 3,504
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    when many days my hubby can't even hold my hand because it hurts

    when he has to check before he dares to give me a hug some days

    what chance is there for anything else :roll: :roll: :roll: :sad: :sad: :sad:
  • lalla
    lalla Member Posts: 138
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Val, hers one for the pot. When I went to the Arthritis education course at my local hospital, the OT was discussing with us about making love and suggested the stragetic placing of pillows to support painful joints, Spooning position also useful to try, and she stated -a vaginal orgasm is a good painrelief , also helps you relax and sleep! Hope that helps (()) Take care Linda

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