Flummoxed!!!!!!

daylily

Hi all, everything with the new hip is going great despite a nasty fall about 10 days after I came out of hospital.
Our son has been looking after us for nearly 4 weeks now, he is a self- employed plasterer so no work no money coming in. he has to go back to work on Sunday/Monday.
I phoned Social services as I was told to by the hospital to organise care for when our son goes back, phoned on Monday and finally got a reply today after phoning every day. (out of office/ on training course etc etc).
I am non weight bearing due to a bone graft and this will continue for another 4 weeks. Hubby is severely sight impaired/ poor mobilty/weak arms from the stroke and now he has vascular dementia.
Bless him he makes a terrible mess when he goes for a pee and I will not be able to clean the loo/floor.
Social services help?!!!!!! Two mats to put on the floor around the loo so I don't tread in it.!!!!!
They can provide a meal at lunchtime but we do not have a meal at lunch as we are not ready for it (£3 a head daily, ).
No help through the day making a hot drink so 1 hot drink a day???? I can't carry drinks and hubby certainly can't.
Other help- someone to come in for half an hour once a week to hoover/tidy up.
How on earth are we supposed to live like that for the next 4 weeks

dreamdaisy

Oh no. Oh dear oh dear oh dear. Oh my poor daylily, I have no idea what to say/suggest. I hope those with greater experience of incoming carers read this and can proffer suggestions about the possible options available to you. Oh my poor friend, I am so sorry. DD

valval

that sounds poor service can you not get on to c.a.b. and see what they should be suplying you with val

Ankyspond

Soooooooooo sorry to hear that, hope it gets better soon. xx

daylily

Thanks for replies DD and val, and Ankyspond

forgot to add, hubby has carers coming in to help him wash and dress for 6 weeks BUT they are not allowed to do anything for me........
Ho Hum.....

dreamdaisy

That is at least a little help for the time being - could you mention this to them, perhaps they could move things for you a little quicker? It's never what you know, is it, it's always who you know. They must be aware of the current straits you are in. DD

mig

Oh daylily i dont know what to say to you,i wish i could get to help you,you make me feel such a fraud,my heart goes out to you,will be thinking of you24/7.Mig

tkachev

Sadly this is the way social services are going at the moment. I am due 2 ops (THR and 3 months non weight bearing ankle fusion) but when I asked if we would get help after the ankle op I was told I would only get help with washing and dressing. I do have a partner but also 2 sons on the autistic spectrum so it is going to be a lot for my partner to deal with. However I accepted that as funds would still be available for people in your situation in these cash strapped times. That now doesn't seem to be the case.
I feel very upset that you are being left without enough care to get through the day. I was told by social services that If you get DLA you are expected to fund help privately.
All the best
Elizabeth

stickywicket

This seems to be a very difficult situation, daylily. Could your GP pull a few strings? He presumably knows how things are for you both better than anyone else. If not, on a purely practical basis, I'd say go for the meals if, as round these parts, they're delivered cold for microwaving. Also invest in a couple of large flasks for hot drinks. What are your neighbours like? Are there any local voluntary organisations that would help out? I'm sorry, that's the best I can come up with. I'll keep thinking.

vonski

Daylily I am so sorry to read your post. Do you have a dabs site near you? they are something to do with DIAL and disability equipment. They have leaflets with people you can call to help with various things, shopping, gardening and cleaning not sure about personal hygiene . If you can find one it's worth a look. I hope you can sort somethng out.
Love
Vonski x

jillyb1

Poor Daylily , can't believe the awful way you're being treated . Could you or maybe your son kick up a fuss by calling the local MP or local paper ? It may not help you much , but could make them rethink their priorities and ease your situation . Where do you live , are any of us near enough to help you ? Jillyb

daylily

jillyb1 wrote:

Poor Daylily , can't believe the awful way you're being treated . Could you or maybe your son kick up a fuss by calling the local MP or local paper ? It may not help you much , but could make them rethink their priorities and ease your situation . Where do you live , are any of us near enough to help you ? Jillyb

Thanks Jillyb, we live in North Wales.
The local papers and the MP are on the list for tomorrow if I haven't heard something positive off the SW by 11am. Can't hang about too long as SS will not be working Saturday. It's the first time I've asked for help apart from a carer taking hubby fishing for 2 hours a week. 4 years I've managed hubby on my own, washing him while I sit on the floor as I couldn't bend because of my hips. I'm a quiet, shy person but will be fighting my corner on this one, my surgeon said from the outset that he wouldn't do the hip operation without care being in place and that was without the bone graft complicating things.

I'm getting madder by the minute.......

Thank you all for your kind replies
xx

Poppyg1rl

It's an utter disgrace the way you've been left to deal with everything on your own. Please see your GP or occupational health? now isn't the time to be shy, as you said you're going to fight your corner and quite right too!
Enlist as many people as you can to help, it's a scary time for anyone needing funding at the moment but we are with you all the way. A big hug () and let us know how you get on Xxx

cacyhi

Daylily -what can I say - its an awful situation to be in.
Just a suggestion, do you have any local charities or charitable trusts in your area? sometimes you can apply for a "grant" to buy in "aid" or they may have a reputable volunteer service. ( you know things like masons, help the aged etc. There is a directory of local charities in library usually or maybe your son could search on-line.

Sorry its just a practical suggestion - but myheart goes out to you and husband to find yourself in such a situation. I pray that some better solutions will come along x

tjt6768

I was also going to suggest the charity route.. Sorry, can't really think if anything else but I do hope that someone sorts something out for you...
Best wishes

elainebadknee

Hi

Thats terrible isnt it the minimal "help" you are going to get? The two mats round the loo sounds like a sort of token gesture, I dont know...
I guess you could still take the meal and save it for later but its the carrying food isnt it?
Can only suggest flasks made up so can be carried even in some sort of bag where it dont matter how its transported. I know the people are only supposed to do so much that are coming in but cant they be asked if they can make a hot drink etc, its worth asking?
I hope you can get some more information/help...

Good luck

Elainex

daylily wrote:

Hi all, everything with the new hip is going great despite a nasty fall about 10 days after I came out of hospital.
Our son has been looking after us for nearly 4 weeks now, he is a self- employed plasterer so no work no money coming in. he has to go back to work on Sunday/Monday.
I phoned Social services as I was told to by the hospital to organise care for when our son goes back, phoned on Monday and finally got a reply today after phoning every day. (out of office/ on training course etc etc).
I am non weight bearing due to a bone graft and this will continue for another 4 weeks. Hubby is severely sight impaired/ poor mobilty/weak arms from the stroke and now he has vascular dementia.
Bless him he makes a terrible mess when he goes for a pee and I will not be able to clean the loo/floor.
Social services help?!!!!!! Two mats to put on the floor around the loo so I don't tread in it.!!!!!
They can provide a meal at lunchtime but we do not have a meal at lunch as we are not ready for it (£3 a head daily, ).
No help through the day making a hot drink so 1 hot drink a day???? I can't carry drinks and hubby certainly can't.
Other help- someone to come in for half an hour once a week to hoover/tidy up.
How on earth are we supposed to live like that for the next 4 weeks

elainebadknee

elainebadknee wrote:

Hi

Thats terrible isnt it the minimal "help" you are going to get? The two mats round the loo sounds like a sort of token gesture, I dont know...
I guess you could still take the meal and save it for later but its the carrying food isnt it?
Can only suggest flasks made up so can be carried even in some sort of bag where it dont matter how its transported. I know the people are only supposed to do so much that are coming in but cant they be asked if they can make a hot drink etc, its worth asking?
I hope you can get some more information/help...

Update - Just thinking could you get hold of a hostess type trolley to put food on then that way it could be nudged into where you want it to transport stuff?

Good luck

Elainex

daylily wrote:

Hi all, everything with the new hip is going great despite a nasty fall about 10 days after I came out of hospital.
Our son has been looking after us for nearly 4 weeks now, he is a self- employed plasterer so no work no money coming in. he has to go back to work on Sunday/Monday.
I phoned Social services as I was told to by the hospital to organise care for when our son goes back, phoned on Monday and finally got a reply today after phoning every day. (out of office/ on training course etc etc).
I am non weight bearing due to a bone graft and this will continue for another 4 weeks. Hubby is severely sight impaired/ poor mobilty/weak arms from the stroke and now he has vascular dementia.
Bless him he makes a terrible mess when he goes for a pee and I will not be able to clean the loo/floor.
Social services help?!!!!!! Two mats to put on the floor around the loo so I don't tread in it.!!!!!
They can provide a meal at lunchtime but we do not have a meal at lunch as we are not ready for it (£3 a head daily, ).
No help through the day making a hot drink so 1 hot drink a day???? I can't carry drinks and hubby certainly can't.
Other help- someone to come in for half an hour once a week to hoover/tidy up.
How on earth are we supposed to live like that for the next 4 weeks

daylily

Hello all,

Update=
They are fitting a careline Monday and paying for it for us which will help put my mind at rest as hubby was helpless when I fell last week. Got that for 3 months.

Hubby is going to use a urinal so there will be no wee everywhere, I can empty it down the loo when I go in afterwards.

Someone from the Kick-start team??? is coming to assess our needs on Monday to set up some sort of cleaning etc.

Going to get some of those insulated mugs with lids on for drinks so I can put them in my backpack to carry to the sitting room/bedroom as needed.

Going to shop online for food with delivery, it will have to be ready meals but it's better than nothing, hubby can carry it bit by bit and sort it out in the cupboards if I tell him which ones the stuff goes in. They gave us a trolley (thanks elainebadknees) before they knew I wouldn't be able to push it so hubby can nudge it into the dining room to move the hot food about.

We have progress. pretty happy with everything so far as we should be able to manage now, it's going to take ages to do anything but we've nothing else to do so it's not important how long it takes.

Thank you all for your concern. I will update on Monday when Kick=start has been.
Take care all xx

tkachev

Would it help to get one of th Tefal one cup kettles. We have one at home. The water goes from cold to boiling in seconds so there is no hot, heavy kettle to lift and no danger of scalding.

I'm glad to see you have some promise of help.

Elizabeth

stickywicket

That sounds a bit more promising, daylily. Not ideal, by any means, but better. Keep us in the loop, please.

ironic

Hi Daylily,

Wow what a difference, that all sounds as if things are finally moving in the right direction at last. What a relief for you and well done for getting things sorted.
You should not have been left in the position in the first place but all being well Monday will be the turning point for you.

I am so sorry that you have to contend with this on top of everything else though.

Lv, I x

elainebadknee

daylily wrote:

Hello all,

Hi
It sounds like things are being given more attention and they realise you need more than the tiny bit of assistance they offered you initially...
The insultated mugs are good, can do cup a soups too in them and they do stay hot for a few hours....Urinal is also a good idea, more practical....
You can get some good food online cant you? I suppose also see if takeaways will have a night where they do offers on too with discount for a change....
I hope things continue to get better for you and it must have been distressing when you fell, hope it doesnt happen again....

Elainex

Update=
They are fitting a careline Monday and paying for it for us which will help put my mind at rest as hubby was helpless when I fell last week. Got that for 3 months.

Hubby is going to use a urinal so there will be no wee everywhere, I can empty it down the loo when I go in afterwards.

Someone from the Kick-start team??? is coming to assess our needs on Monday to set up some sort of cleaning etc.

Going to get some of those insulated mugs with lids on for drinks so I can put them in my backpack to carry to the sitting room/bedroom as needed.

Going to shop online for food with delivery, it will have to be ready meals but it's better than nothing, hubby can carry it bit by bit and sort it out in the cupboards if I tell him which ones the stuff goes in. They gave us a trolley (thanks elainebadknees) before they knew I wouldn't be able to push it so hubby can nudge it into the dining room to move the hot food about.

We have progress. pretty happy with everything so far as we should be able to manage now, it's going to take ages to do anything but we've nothing else to do so it's not important how long it takes.

Thank you all for your concern. I will update on Monday when Kick=start has been.
Take care all xx

cacyhi

Hi Daylily - so happy you have some progress. good luck with the assessment on Monday - see if they can put you in touch with any voluntary organisations they might know about.

Reading your posts, your optimism and positivity is an inspiration to someone like me - I need to remember that however tough I am finding my situation at the moment, there are people coping with far far worse in an amazing way. All good wishes to you and your hubby

julie47

Hi daylily well I am pleased to read that you are now going to be assessed on monday and that you will get some help.

You had some good suggestions from the other forum friends so there isn't anything I can add.

Good luck for monday and I hope the help comes quickly,
Juliepf x

lalla

Hi Day lily, Im so glad you are getting help, really quite worried how you were going to cope , Hope all goes well on Monday and lots of help comes your way ((()))take care Linda

skezier

hi Daylilly,

sorry i am late to this but so glad they have at last made an effort to help you for a bit. its not brilliant but it is something.

Elizabeth's kettle sounds like a good idea but the mugs are very good. i use them for the sales now a days. they do keep it hot and they don;t have that horrible aftertaste that some things have.

really hope they get that careline in and that is a god idea as well. much more promising though you could do with a bit more help at least its a start. keep us posted please. Cris xx