am so down

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soraya
soraya Member Posts: 108
edited 1. Nov 2011, 16:51 in Living with Arthritis archive
:sad: How have i got myself into this state im so low, had a terrible night with panic attacks and pain trying to move my ankles and feet to find the coldest part of the sheet to ease some of the pain, my bro who lives with me is totally ignorant to what is going on even though he came into rheumy app with me and was told what i would be going through, ive been in tears this morning with him saying it seems to have got worse since ive been diagnosed( it has remained the same its just now i have diagnosis im able to talk about it without feeling im complaining about something that might be in my head) so im feeling rock bottom, nowhere to turn to, no one to speak to and so alone, think ive got to go doc as pain is getting worse last time i mentioned it to doc he put me on predisolone 2daily they arent working im taking 8 cocos a day and on methotraxate 2nd dose tomorrow, i feel im in a constant battle mentally and physically, i have to push myself to get the housework done as have always had pride in my home and to be honest i feel like giving up :sad:

Comments

  • joanlawson
    joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Soraya, I'm so sorry that you are feeling so down, but you are definitely not alone. There are lots of people on here who understand and know exactly what you are going through.

    It's very difficult for members of our families to fully understand what it's like to cope with pain, and the feelings of frustration/ depression which can accompany arthritis. I expect that your brother is very concerned for you as he came with you to see the rheumy, but perhaps it just seems to have got worse to him because you are now able to discuss it with him.

    If you feel that the drugs you are on aren't working, I think you need to go back to the doctor and explain how you feel. Also tell the doctor about your depression as that is important too.

    You will probably get more help and support if this was moved to the LWA forum, so maybe the Mods will move it. Also, you can always contact the Helpline on this site for further advice.

    Please remember that you are not alone, and you can rely on this site for help and support from people who understand how you feel.

    Joan
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  • mellman01
    mellman01 Member Posts: 5,306
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi soraya so sorry your having such a tough time but as Joan says your not alone on this one, we've all had and are having to deal with very similar pain and the personal issues that come with it we all have the T shirt so to speak, it's a tough old road but not one you should ever be expected to or will need to travel on your own any more.
    This site is full of people who can give you advice and support and are also there if you need to just talk and vent your frustrations. Just hang in there you've come to the right place at last so welcome aboard the forum!.


    Regards


    Mell
  • suzygirl
    suzygirl Member Posts: 2,005
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi, I think that thinking you may have something and actually bein g told you have it are 2 different things. The reality sets in and the shock wears off, all sorts of emotions arise. It is very difficult to adjust, you have to give the pred and mtx time to work.

    If you are flaring, rest is so important. I know its horrible having to sit there and look at jobs that need to be done, but when you are in pain, you have to pace yourself. Try to be realistic and only do what is essential.

    We understand how you are feeling and on here you are never alone. You should talk to your gp about how you are feeling. Have OT visited you to see if they can help? They have great ideas about how to conserve energy whilst doing chores.

    Rest up and I hope you feel better soon.
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    You are far from alone in these feelings, soraya, and do take into account you are relatively new to all of this. Learning to manage/cope with the pain is a steep learning curve - if you need eight co-cos a day then you do, there is no shame in that. It takes time to adjust to being in constant pain, no matter how low or high the levels may be. One of the greatest challenges of living with arthritis is learning to live with it. That takes time, courage, determination and you will in due course find a strength of character that you don't know you have.

    As for your brother - well, what can be said? Family do not necessarily understand what we face on a daily basis and as much of arthritis is 'invisible' it is hard for them to grasp that we fluctuate so much from day to day. Has he already uttered the immortal words 'It's OK for you, you're used to pain'? If not I can guarantee they will be spoken as soon as he has a splinter or stubs his toe and moans a little too much over such a trivial thing. Quite why being 'used' to pain should render us tolerant to it (or any extra doses of it) I have never understood.

    Come and talk to us, there is usually someone around and I reckon we all know what it is like. We wil listen and do our best to support you. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • nanasue
    nanasue Member Posts: 465
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hello Soraya, dont really have anything to add except to say we are all here for you.

    Sue x
  • skezier
    skezier Member Posts: 11,333
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    hi Soraya,

    I am sorry you feeling so down and i also echo Joan in the fact that we all do from time to tame and families often don't understand it at all.

    i think also ringing the helplines here might be good for you to do as well.

    i know what you mean about house work, i used to get really worried if it wasn't done but now... it doesn't matter so much.

    i really do know how you feel though and please talk to your gp about how low you are as well as asking for a bit more help with pain killers and anti inflammatories. Hang in there and leaving a cuber ((( ))) Cris x
  • tjt6768
    tjt6768 Member Posts: 12,170
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi hun. Alone on here? Not a chance mi dear. We are all here, willing to lend a shoulder etc.. And between us I'm sure that there isn't much that hasn't been experienced..
    I truly hope that your doc can help with some different pain relief and that the other meds start working soon..

    Keep posting though, it really does help.

    Best wishes from me and the fat lump that is Ra the Wondercat :wink:
    e050.gifMe-Tony
    n035.gifRa-1996 -2013 RIP...
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    Cleo - 1996 to 2011. RIP
  • valval
    valval Member Posts: 14,911
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    we do not allow alone around here but do get where you are coming from stress makes arther worse so can time of month so you will get lots of ups and downs but do not feel worried to come and tell us we do not mind at all we know how much shareing can help ((())) val
    val
  • Beebopaloo
    Beebopaloo Member Posts: 26
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Soraya,

    You are definately not alone! There are so many people here who know exactley what you are going through and have had very similar reactions from people who don't mean to be unkind but just don't really understand how it feels to be in pain all of the time and just how draining it is!

    If your bro knew how much he had upset you he would probably be horrified and it sounds like you need to go and speak to your doc! Other then that you need to realise that the amount you talk about it is a fraction of the amount that you feel it - so never feel bad to say how you feel - you may not feel it right now but you are very strong because you are still reaching out to people and staying determined.

    Take a deep breath, remember who you are and how strong you are :)

    Beccy xxx
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hello soraya, how are things today? Are you feeling a little better/brighter? I hope so. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • BikerAngel
    BikerAngel Member Posts: 122
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hey hun how you feeling today?
    I got some pain patches to try so thats 1st one slapped on and waiting to see if it helps me in the morning but getting around better on the crutches now.
    Like you I took pride in my house and would never ask for help either but now it gets done when I can and even had parents through today doing my housework.
    I used to feel like you so alone and scared and nobody understood but my OT told me to print out some of the info from this site and leave it lying around for hubby and others to read and it does help them understand what we are going through as at times it can be very scary and confusing even after 5yrs I still have some very tearfull/angry/confused days but it is just working through that days and being able to talk about things that help me.
    I can't believe I had been on this site before and never noticed the forums till the other week and they have been a godsend with all the info and caring people on here who are in the same boat it does help to talk/vent to them so please don't feel alone now we are all here for you and I know you are here for us too :smile:
    Tracey
  • liesa
    liesa Member Posts: 821
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    all i can offer is (((hugs))) my heads been all over the place of late xxx
    love and hugs
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  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi soraya, I hope you are feeling a little better/brighter today. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • traluvie
    traluvie Member Posts: 2,579
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi Soroya,

    How are you feeling now??
    We are always here to offer support and to lend an ear so you have no need to feel alone anymore..
    Thinking of you..(((((X)))))
    th_tn_TisFORTIGGER.jpgxxTracyxx
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 29,559
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Oh Soraya

    It was terrible reading your post...you poor poor girl.

    WE are here and WE care do not feel alone...we are here for you to caht anytime. Of course you can always telephone the a/c helplines too

    0808 800 4050

    if you need to talk to a real person.

    Your brother sounds to be trying to help bless him.

    Love

    toni xx
  • GraceB
    GraceB Member Posts: 1,595
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Soraya,
    I was sorry to hear you're feeling so low. I can sympathise with you completely and like the others have said, rellies/friends who haven't got arthritis can't really 100% understand what a sufferer goes through.
    I hope you're feeling a little better today. Take each day as it comes, I try to focus on the positives/what I can do and forget the negatives/what I can't do.
    Take care, Grace.
    Turn a negative into a positive!
  • soraya
    soraya Member Posts: 108
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Thankyou to each and everyone of you, your replys have been inspiring and lifted my mood greatly, ive been and seen the doc today and now have been given stronger pain killers dyhydrocodiene to help with the constant pain and different tablets for these blasted panic attacks so im sure things can only get better, i know im going to get bad days and im now going to focus on the good and deal with the bad when they happen :smile: i think if it wasnt holding onto your kind words this week and last i wouldve spiralled into that hole a bit deeper and given up, so again to you all what a wonderful bunch you are, each and everyone of you, THANKYOU from a positive mind and positive heart ( for the mo) EVER THE OPTIMISTIC :grin: P.S. got the leaflets from Arthritis Care and had a chat and read with my brother and there is now a greater understanding :smile: and lots of help being offered, so while i may be on my back tomorrow i shall always remember to smile because theres a good day round the corner :smile:
  • BikerAngel
    BikerAngel Member Posts: 122
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    thats really good to hear you are feeling more positive and yep this site is great for that. Good luck with the dihydracodeine and hope it gives you a few good days and less bad xx
    Tracey
  • suzygirl
    suzygirl Member Posts: 2,005
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Soraya, so glad to hear that things are looking up for you. Lets hope the pain killers and other meds help you to feel better still.

    Remember we are always here to listen. :grin:
  • traluvie
    traluvie Member Posts: 2,579
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Glad to hear you are feeling better in yourself..
    We are always here for eachother so you never need to feel alone..x
    th_tn_TisFORTIGGER.jpgxxTracyxx