find it very difficult to cope

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  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,716
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hello Mariam. How are things today? I am thinking of you.
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hello mariam, I agree with all the others, talk to the the helpline, keep talking to us, don't bottle it up. I suspect your husband is angry, distressed, confused, frightened, which are all understandable reactions, but men and women do think and react differently to many things, illness especially. Yes, you would be making sure he is comfortable, taking any meds he needs, going with him to the docs, but vice versa does not necessarily come automatically, as you are finding out.

    If you cannot tackle him face-to-face (and yes, that is hard, especially if he immediately becomes defensive) then why not write to him? I've written to Mr DD a couple of times, it has an impact greater than trying to talk over the kitchen table. I am thinking of you. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • mariam
    mariam Member Posts: 15
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    hi thankyou for caring i really dont know what to do i am just taking everyday as it comes my husband is just quiet too he doesnt say much .i think we both feel guilty in our own way because niether one is at fault its just fate.
    i am just trying to put a front for the kids sake its upsetting for them when they see me in pain its hard for them.
    i have been to the dr but they are no help just say osteoarthritus does cause depression and there is nothing they can do its just part of the the illness. .
    Does not help to hear that.
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Oh I have to disagree with that, I think there is something they can do, in fact two things: give you adequate pain relief and maybe anti-depressants. I am on the latter (the shock of finding out that I have OA in my knees as well as PA in other joints) sent my mood plunging so the anti-ds were added to the mix. My rheumatologist wants me to stay on them as they too help with pain relief.

    Both of you are grieving, and for the same reason: the changes being enforced on your life. Grief can cause anger and resentment, I hope you can both work through this very difficult time and that you will be able to do so with a little more togetherness. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • kellerman
    kellerman Member Posts: 741
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi Mariam,
    I'm so pleased you've come back.
    Hun...one day at a time is all we can do.It's really no point in worrying about tomorrow.
    Your children are not babies.Ok you don't want to show how much your hurting in front of them.I understand that.
    My eldest daughter is 40 and she tuts at me as I struggle to cope.
    I even took her to my ortho appointment in the hope that she might understand.For the examination she was in another room....so didn't see or hear what was said,but when we came out...after I'd had a steroid injection in my hand...she ignored me.
    I've just given up on her ever understanding.....yet my other 4 children especially my youngest is great.
    Like somebody said you can't see the pain....
    My feeling is you want to be a perfect wife and mother....but you have to be realistic....there is only so much you can do.
    Yes...we all have down days....OA does cause this.Did your GP give you anything to help.Believe it or not but I find a good cry works for me.
    Remember....come here to moan....I do it all the time.Just to know you are speaking to people who have been there and understand does help.
    I haven't been a member for long but the support I have had from complete strangers has been priceless.
    I just didn't know where to turn.Remember there is some-one here,they'll listen.....we all need that. Please keep posting....May
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