Its bugging me like mad ggrrrr

dotty123

I know this is silly !! and you will think I am mad too but..

Earlier this year I had a lump cut out of my finger as it wasn't OA related and I think the doctor wanted to make me feel better about my lumps and bumps and at least remove one.. ( as i am distraught about the way my hands look )

But hey it has started to grow back and it is really annoying me, I chew it, I bite it, I claw at it and I stuck pins in it the other day, until puss came out, but now it has dried out and it is hard and large as life..

I can't leave it alone, I just get that urge to get a spud peeler and get it off

I can't go moaning to the doctor about this trivial lump, when there are a lot worst off people than me... I would feel embarrassed too.

But I just can't help it, I can't leave it alone.. I hate my lumpy hands I hate this bloody OA... and this is the early stage... give me strengh

xx

sorry guys, this is pathetic I know !! I shouldn;t keep feeling sorry for myself !! and I do get annoyed with myself !!

But does anyone else want to do this sort of thing ?

stickywicket

Dotty123, it isn't trivial if you feel so strongly about it but you really, really mustn't do that. Constantly opening a wound can have bad consequences.

I understand you are worried about what the future holds in all sorts of ways but, believe me, this is not the answer.

Can you talk this thing over with someone? The Helplines here? Please don't hurt yourself.

valval

one question you said puss came out of it is it infected ???? i think you should mention it to doc next time you are there just incase my hands are starting to change shape and it made me feel so down so i can understand how you feel but if there a big smile on your face no one will see your hands ((())) val

cebeem

Hi Dotty
Its certainly not silly if its upsetting you and I'm sure you will get the right support here.
What kind of lump is it?
Is it under the skin or on it?
Itchy? painful?
I had a few on my hands that were flat and it took about 2 years of them recurring before they finally disappeared without any treatment.
I would try not to irritate them if I were you.
Have you found anything that helps them in any way?

stickywicket

valval wrote:

i can understand how you feel but if there a big smile on your face no one will see your hands ((())) val

Val, what a lovely - and true - thought! You are so right.

dreamdaisy

It's not silly, far from it. It is always the apparently 'little' things that provoke us, that send us over the metaphorical edge - there is a reason behind the saying 'the straw that broke the camel's back' . This may well be your straw - but don't let it do that to you. I think you should ask your GP about this, and sooner rather than later. Pus is wrong and the peeler is certainly the wrong option. DD

kellerman

Hi Dotty,
You really do need to go back to your GP.
It's bothering you...driving you mad...but sticking pins in it is definately a nono.
Sounds to me there is some sort of infection there.
As it is bothering you so much....that is a good enough reason to see your doc. Please go.You could be making it worse.
May

dotty123

I feel too embarrassed !

HI Mrs and what can I do for you ?

Well doctor, I try and chew my lumps and stick pins in them !!

What this little lump ?

Yes !!

god I feel so stupid, but I still hate the blasted thing... its like having scab you can't leave alone.

I feel so embarrassed, I'll give it a few days to get better. I need some more anti depressants so perhaps mention it then

valval

stupid would be to not mention something that is causing you so much distress, write it down if you can not bring your self to say it out load even if you only mention it the doc will be aware of how much it is still bothering you if you are suffering depresion it will have an affect on you i had scar on my stomach than no one but me and oh saw but hated it doc was lovely when i mentioned it and got it sorted lol not much better but at least not a lump on it now. you have to take stock of how much it is bothering you and if enough something needs sorting for your peice of mind ((())) val

skezier

hi Dotty,

the others are right... you must mention it to the gp cus its so obviously causing you huge distress. like a focal point and you clearly are very down as well.

i wish i had a magic cure flower but leaving you a (((( )))) and a hope they will actually do something. this bone stuff plays hard ball sometimes but you are far more than a few lumps and that doesn't change. hang in there and please talk to a gp about the distress this is causing you. thinking of you Cris x

stickywicket

Morning Dotty123. How are things today?

dreamdaisy

One thing this certainly is NOT is silly or stupid: I'm sure GPs hear all sorts of things and this, because it is irking you so much, is a thing you need to talk about. Us women are complicated creatures when it comes to appearances and we tend to fret about stuff that those around us really don't notice. Talk to him Dotty, please - if you are digging pins etc into yourself then no wonder there's infection/pus. Go and see him soon, please. DD

dotty123

Thank you xx

I am glad I have shared my issues with you but I just cannot bring myself to tell the doc, he will note me down as mad. It is healing, its just a horrid hard lump at the moment. Next time I go doc I will consider it. Plus it is a living nightmare gettin an appointment at our surgery.

I had a horrid dream last night that my fingers got chopped off in a blade, that was more worrying than the lumps !! perhaps it was a wake up call ! stop getting paranoid.

xx

stickywicket

I’m glad you shared things with us too, Dotty. We would all go crazy if we weren’t able to talk over the stuff that’s really bugging us with people who understand and care. Please keep on talking. We are all different in what gets us down but, with a disease like this, there’s plenty of things to choose from :roll:

I’m sure your GP wouldn’t think you were mad. Really, I am. Unhappy? Yes. Worried about what the future holds? Yes. You would be a bit mad if you weren’t. But it might not be half as bad as you fear. And, you should, by law, be able to get a same-day appointment. If your practice is very hard to access do try thinking about changing. It’s worked wonders for some on here although you did say that your GP was very understanding about it when you had a lump cut off.

Take care, Dotty. Look after that hand of yours. And keep talking to us.

ironic

Aw bless you Dotty, these things do get to us and if you have to make an appointment for your meds then do try and take a deep breath and say something even if it’s to show him that it has come back that way he might come up with a suggestion.
At the end of the day Dotty it is bothering you and stressing you so much so please try, you never know. He sanctioned the removal in the first place so he might surprise you.

Lv, I x

bubbadog

Hi Dotty, I know you feel strongly about not showing the doctor but I agree with Val if there is puss coming out of it that means there is an infection in there. And even though you say you got it all out that doesn't mean it is totally clear only antibiotics can do that. So that is more of a reason to show your doctor. Or if you feel so strongly about not showing the doctor how about seeing a dermatologist, you can go and see a private one these days like chiropodists. Take a look in your yellow pages or Thomson directory. You shouldn't feel so down about having them looked at by a doctor, if they are causing you distress then they are important enough to be seen by a doctor either way please get them looked at, especially the one that was pussing.

dotty123

Hi thank you for your concerns but it is healing nice now, there isn't any infection and I would get it sorted if there was. The skin is dry and peeling off and it looks o.k underneath

I have learnt a lesson and I am to stop feeling sorry for myself. At the end of the day nothing is gonna change , so I need to accept it and get over it.

Thank you again for your help and your understanding.

xx

stickywicket

I'm glad it's healing, Dotty. We all feel sorry for ourselves from time to time. Who wouldn't with this disease? We all have our areas where it really bugs us, too. It's not a matter of 'getting over it' - if only it were so easy! We all adapt and accept slowly, in our own good time. That may be the only lump or bump you ever have on your hands. It may not. But you are not alone with it. take care.

Mat48

I've got bony lumps on the end joint of each finger now (since RA symptoms kicked off earlier on this year) but the largest one on the right middle finger got me in such a stew back in June when it first surfaced that I went into a proper depression about it - fearing it was a sign of advanced RA which I was already thinking I had and was trying to come to terms with. Somehow this visible sign of change in my beloved hands seemed to unhinge me more than the painful knees and feet or anything else?

But a month later the rheumy was dismissive of this pea sized lump - saying "that's just wear and tear - a bit of OA - not really what I'm looking for and nothing to worry about!" and so the lump got some perspective on it for me and I am trying to teach myself to accept it better. The finger next to it (forefinger) is twice the size of all others on that hand and a funny purple colour and is stiff as a rod - has been for a few months now. It looks like something that the Walls sausage company would discard so I do have more pressing concerns with my fingers now - but even so that big OA lump annoys me more - so I do completely understand how you feel.

We aren't always able to be rational about our fears and changing appearance. Self-esteem is fundamental to our mental wellbeing so don't keep chastising yourself for feeling this way - just get back to your GP and explain it. This may help you to accept these tangeable changes in your body better rather than poking the poor finger with pins and trying to bite it off? Do take care. Mat x

dotty123

I have given my finger's nicknames.. my right index finger is called my E.T finger ! and my other finger's are called twig-lets...

Mat48

Well that sounds quite rational to me - a good bit of bonding I hope! Mat x